The Unexpected Gift of Empathy
What I Learned When I Finally Let Others In
What I’ve Learned in 9 Months on Substack
Nine months into this journey, I’ve discovered something surprising.
When I started ValuesCrafting, I wrote as I had online for 25 years—providing expert advice, strategies, and clear steps to living by our values.
But over time, I noticed something. The pieces that resonated most weren’t the step-by-step guides. They were the moments. The real-life stories. The reflections that made values feel lived, not just learned.
So I’m shifting.
ValuesCrafting will continue to offer practical wisdom, but with a deeper focus on storytelling, real-life moments, and the power of values in action. The transition? More show, less tell.
This shift excites me. I hope it resonates with you, too. I’d love to hear your thoughts—what stories, themes, or insights have stuck with you most? What would you like to see next?
This week’s story is a reflection I never expected to write. But it’s the kind of story that’s reshaping how I understand and teach values. I hope it resonates with you.
The sky softened just before nightfall—quiet, expansive, and unexpectedly full of grace. It felt like how empathy arrives when you finally let it in.
Photo by Martina Vitáková on Unsplash
The Unexpected Gift of Empathy
For most of my life, I've been the person others come to for strength. I've led, taught, guided, and counseled. I've been the person with answers. The one who listens. The one who holds space for what other people need.
Empathy has always been one of my most deeply held values. I didn't just write about it or speak about it at conferences. I lived it.
I helped workplaces embed empathy into their cultures. I encouraged leaders to model it in every meeting, performance review, and hallway interaction.
I taught others how to recognize the needs of those around them and how to meet them with compassion.
But I rarely talked about this: I never expected much empathy for myself. In fact, I couldn't think of any meaningful examples of when I sought or experienced empathy to use as an example in today's newsletter.
Receiving empathy wasn't my role. I was the giver, not the receiver. Like many of you who work in helping roles—consultants, teachers, managers, HR professionals—I wore the mantle of strength.
I didn't appear strong out of pride but out of habit; I was the leader, the consultant, and the trainer. It felt like the right thing to do.
After all, I was the one other people relied on. I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want to appear fragile.
I never wanted to take up too much emotional space.
And then my husband died.
Everything changed.
In the weeks and months following his death, I received more empathy than I ever have in my life. And it came from everywhere.
Neighbors I barely knew walked my driveway after a wind storm to check for fallen trees, knowing I needed to get a ride to cataract surgery early the following day.
Other neighbors showed up at Bill's celebration of life at TechSmith to honor Bill and quietly support me.
Friends sent notes, emails, and texts. A few even flew across the country to honor Bill—and to quietly stand beside me.
Others helped me navigate the sudden onslaught of forms, bank visits, and logistics.
Family and friends took me to lunch and dinner. I was offered rides to appointments when I couldn't drive. And when my vision was blurred, and my world felt uncertain, I wasn't alone.
Even colleagues and readers of ValuesCrafting sent messages that reached beyond the professional to something deeply human.
They reminded me that you don't have to hold everything together while grieving.
Family showed up, too, from both sides. They didn't ask what I needed. They just did what needed doing.
They stepped in and stepped up. Their presence wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a chilly winter evening.
At some point, I realized something had shifted in me. The shift came not just in what I was experiencing but in what I was willing to receive from others.
Receiving empathy isn't easy when you're used to being the strong one. But I've learned something life-changing: letting others care for you is not a weakness. It's a profound expression of shared humanity.
When you let people show up for you, you give them a gift, too.
You create a sacred space where connection flows both ways. You allow them to live their values and to exhibit them in ways that are meaningful to them.
And you remind yourself that you are worthy of the same compassion you have so freely given but also taught and recommended to clients, employees, and friends.
What Receiving Empathy Has Taught Me
I'm taking these truths forward from my experience:
You don't have to earn empathy by being strong.
When we receive empathy, we model it as powerfully as we do when we give it to others.
We deepen our connection with people when we allow others to see us.
Empathy is not a one-way street. It lives in reciprocity.
Strength includes receiving, not just giving empathy.
These insights now influence how I teach, write, and lead. My understanding of empathy has grown deeper roots.
And now I know it can change how we all show up for each other.
Maybe you're the strong one in your world. Perhaps you're not used to asking for help. You may not know how to let empathy in. I see you.
And I'll gently say this: you deserve empathy, too. Let it in. Let it soften you. Let it remind you that you're not alone. Other people care about you.
You are not just a receptacle for others' needs. You deserve to be held by other people, too.
I spent a lifetime helping people understand empathy. Now I know what it feels like to receive it.
And this experience has changed me more than I ever anticipated or could have predicted.
In Your Quiet Moments:
If you're ready to keep exploring empathy in action, you might find these helpful:
When did you last let someone care for you? What did it feel like?
Empathy changes not just the receiver—but the giver, too. And sometimes, they're the same person.
If this piece about experiencing empathy spoke to you, please share it with a colleague or friend who also needs to hear it. We all need reminders that we don't always have to be strong. We are all worthy of empathy.
Empathy isn't just something we give. It's something we hold—for other people and ourselves.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Your presence, your empathy, and your attention matter.
If you want to learn more about empathy in action, especially in the workplace, you may enjoy:
Strangely enough, I used to find receiving empathy to be awkward. I don't anymore, but I can tell you that I still am getting used to people giving hugs. I've never been a big hugger unless it's family. Of course, who tends to want to gravitate to me? Huggers. Go figure..
I think giving Empathy to yourself is the hardest and yet the bravest act.
Absolutely love this