How to Practice Empathy

Be More Empathetic for a Positive Work and Home Life

June 26, 2024

Welcome to the second issue of ValuesCrafting. We're happy to have you join our community of individuals passionate about living up to their values.  

Do you ever feel as if a gap exists between your core values and your daily actions? We've all been there. That's why we created this newsletter.  

We'll share practical strategies to help you bridge that gap and empower yourself to live a more fulfilling life aligned with what truly matters to you.   In this issue, you'll discover guidelines for using empathy in how you treat yourself and others. 

The first article addresses empathy as a much-needed value. Empathy is the core value emphasized when dealing with personal or professional burnout. You’ll find the causes and tips for addressing the issue of burnout empathetically.As always, curated resources round out the issue. 

If you find value in this newsletter, please share it with friends and colleagues. We’d love to reach more people with our message.

We truly appreciate your interest.  

Warmly, Susan

Are you interested in enhancing your understanding of others' feelings and emotions? The concept of empathy can be a valuable tool in this pursuit. Chances are, you've already encountered empathy in your personal and professional interactions, even though empathy means something different from person to person.

Empathy is a skill that comes naturally to some people and requires practice for others. But it is crucial in our interactions with family, friends, and colleagues. It’s important to note that empathy is not a measure of morality, so there's no need to worry if you don’t immediately understand the emotions of those around you.

Sara Konrath, PhD, an associate professor of philanthropic studies at the Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, was asked whether empathy exists because of nature or nurture.

She responded that empathy has a genetic component. However, “parenting, schools, community, environment, and culture can influence empathy as well. The context matters, along with genetics.”

Empathy in the Workplace

A recent State of Workplace Empathy Study by Businessolver revealed a concerning trend. It found persistent empathy gaps over nine years in the level of empathy in the workplace.

The study's findings suggest that while we may value empathy, we often fail to implement it, leading to significant empathy gaps. 55% of CEOs and 50% of employees reported mental health issues in the past year, and 63% of CEOs said it’s hard to demonstrate empathy in their daily lives.

Empathy in the workplace can make life better for everyone. Here are four ways to develop empathy in yourself.

4 Ways to Build Empathy in Yourself to Improve Your Workplace 

Psychologist Marcia Reynolds provides a useful framework for understanding what empathy is. She recommends four ways to build empathy:

1.    Be quiet, inside and out.

2.    Fully watch as well as listen.

3.    Ask yourself what you are feeling.

4.    Test your instinct.

Here’s how to apply her recommendations in your workplace and at home.

Be Quiet, Inside and Out

If your brain is constantly going, it’s hard to stop and see and feel what is happening around you in the workplace or at home. Often, when things get busy and you get stressed, you can forget to pay attention to your own feelings, let alone the feelings of others.

Part of this is that people work way too many hours. Why is that? Because being busy and having a “loud” brain can drown out your true feelings—that your families, friends, and life outside of work are more important than your job.

The more you can apply your emotional intelligence in your interactions at work, the more you will develop sensitivity to what the other person is feeling. You can learn to listen to what they say—and what they’re not saying.

So, every day, stop and take time to breathe deeply. Take a walk at lunch or after work to clear your head. Quiet time helps you figure out what you think and feel. Taking a few deep breaths will also help close down your racing brain. Many find that time spent in meditation, prayer, or self-reflection helps develop a quieter, more sensitive, and aware brain.

Fully Watch as Well as Listen

Listening isn’t just hearing words but seeking to understand the other person's emotions. Watching is also critical to building your ability to empathize with others. Body language and other nonverbal communication can often tell you more about what people think and feel than their words can. Become a close observer.

To build empathy in the workplace, you need to see your co-workers, managers, and direct reports to help you understand their feelings. When you all work in the same place, that is easy.

You can tell that Jane is going through a rough time because she’s walking around hunched over and keeping to herself. She normally walks straight and says hi to everyone she passes. You can tell that Steve is on cloud nine because he’s practically skipping down the hall.

But how do you build empathy in the workplace if everyone is working from home or your team is spread out across several sites? This often happens in a hybrid company or a remote workplace. You need empathy towards the people at your site and the people you may see irregularly.

Video conferencing instead of teleconferencing can help you watch and listen to your colleagues. Some people resist the idea of video conferencing because they don’t feel comfortable on camera. That’s understandable, but overcoming the discomfort can help everyone understand each other better. You can see how your colleagues or family members are doing.

Your tone of voice is also critical. Speaking directly with your team instead of communicating almost exclusively by email, text, Slack, or other messaging services can help you build empathy. This is because you understand what your co-worker thinks and feels. Or at least you understand their feelings a bit better.

Ask Yourself What You Are Feeling

Wait, wasn’t this about building empathy towards others? Yes, but you need to understand your feelings if you want to understand the feelings of others.

You might consider keeping an emotional inventory for a few weeks. Sit down several times a day and chart your activity, the day and time, and the emotion you are feeling.

When you stop and think, “How am I feeling right after I got a new, huge assignment?” and the answer is “excited and overwhelmed,” you can apply that to others around you.

“Jane just got the new project that will take up every waking moment for six months. She must feel overwhelmed with all the work, and she might be excited if she thinks this will help her towards a promotion.”

When you know that you’ll feel overwhelmed by a new challenge, you can make a good guess that another person is feeling overwhelmed in the same situation. This emotional inventory approach can help increase your skill if you have difficulty evaluating your feelings.

As you become more adept at understanding your own feelings, you’ll become better at understanding the feelings of the people around you.

Remember that not everyone experiences the same feelings about the same issues as you do, so act on this information carefully.

Test Your Instinct to Become Empathetic

There’s a reason this is step four and not step one. You don’t want to walk up to people and say, “Hey, I bet you’re angry at your low raise.” That remark will not go over well.

You need to take care by testing your instinct—but do start. Remember the earlier example of Jane receiving a new, labor-intensive project. You’ve examined your feelings after getting a similar assignment, and you felt overwhelmed and excited about it. You want to test whether Jane is feeling the same way. Consider the following:

• Why do you need to know how he or she is feeling? If it’s just nosiness, forget it. But, if you work near Jane, have insights into her project, and are already good friends, checking in with her will help you support her.

• What will you do with this knowledge? If it’s just a fist pump of “Hey, I am totally nailing this empathy thing,” it’s silly. But knowing is important if you want to do the right thing for Jane.

• If you’re wrong, finding out early can help you support her, too. After all, you may see this project as a stepping stone, but Jane may see it as a burden keeping her from accomplishing her real goals.

With these things in mind, you can approach Jane, “Wow, Jane, I just heard you got the new Acme project. That’s huge. I would feel overwhelmed by that but also excited about the growth opportunities. How are you feeling?”

Note that you are not saying, “Wow. You must be simultaneously excited and overwhelmed!” You are telling her your feelings and waiting for her to tell you hers. She may or may not feel like sharing or know exactly how she feels.

Regardless of her answer, you are there to support your coworker. If she responds that she is excited and overwhelmed, congratulate her on her next step up the career ladder and offer her any help you can give.

If she says, “Nah, I did a project almost exactly like this at my last job. This will be a piece of cake,” then say, "No wonder you were chosen for this project, Jane. Your experience sounds incredibly relevant. Perhaps we can look together and see if we can learn anything from your previous project that can inform our approach here."

If she bursts into tears and says, “This is the wrong direction for my career. It will take too much time away from my family.” Or, if she sees it as a punishment for her bad sales figures last quarter, you have to exhibit empathy and stick around to talk with her.

You can’t push people to open up about their feelings and run when they do. That behavior makes for a less pleasant, empathetic workplace.

The Bottom Line

When you use empathy in the workplace, you can better understand your coworkers. This means that you can function better as a team. And that’s great for any business.

Tips for Empathetically Dealing with Burnout

People Can Experience Burnout at Work or Home

Want a workplace culture that is empathetic for employees? Employers must experience and demonstrate empathy toward their employees. Valuing your workforce's mental health and overall well-being is foundational in any values-based workplace culture.

At the same time, individuals are responsible for recognizing their mental health needs. Self-empathy is a compassionate approach to nurturing personal well-being at work and home.

• Employers: Companies must prioritize employee well-being and create a work culture that fosters positive mental health. This means showing empathy by understanding your employees’ needs and developing supportive policies such as working from home or a hybrid workplace.

• Individuals: Taking care of yourself is key. The first step is to recognize your need for mental well-being and treat yourself empathetically. By prioritizing your mental health, you'll be better equipped to handle stress at work or home and contribute your best.

This dual strategy of employer support and individual self-care establishes a mutually beneficial situation for all involved.

Why Is Burnout Increasing?

The current work environment exacerbates the need for safety to secure comfort and the search for emotional positivity.  Employee burnout is on the rise for a few reasons:.

The lack of work-life boundaries: Technology shackles people to work 24/7. The constant pressure to be available blurs the line between work and personal life, leaving you feeling drained.

Heavy workloads: Feeling overloaded with tasks and tight deadlines is a recipe for stress. Many people struggle to keep up with work and home commitments, leading to constant pressure and exhaustion.

Lack of control: Powerlessness over your workload, projects, or schedule breeds helplessness and frustration. This lack of control intensifies the pressure, leading to burnout.

Unclear expectations: Unclear goals or ever-shifting priorities make it difficult to focus and achieve a sense of accomplishment. This ambiguity fuels confusion and demotivation.

Political and values-based differences:  These concerns are polarizing people and making discussions about real issues difficult if not impossible.

Lack of recognition: Feeling undervalued for your contributions is demotivating. When your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated, burnout becomes a significant threat. When you fulfill your family’s expectations without a word of appreciation, the lack of empathy leaves you feeling weary.

These factors combine to create a perfect storm for personal or work burnout. Addressing these issues, you and your workplace can foster a healthier and more productive environment.

How Can Individuals Address the Issue of Burnout Effectively?

Everyone in the workforce (or at home, for that matter) can experience burnout. It can range from simply not enjoying your job to feeling completely overwhelmed by the quest for work-life balance.

Leaving your job or home might not be an option, so people need strategies to manage burnout. While the root causes often lie within the work environment, people can build resilience against burnout and maintain a fulfilling career by taking proactive steps and prioritizing well-being.

Remember that tackling burnout is a collaborative effort if you are an employer. While people can take charge of their well-being, a supportive work environment that demonstrates empathy for an individual’s circumstances is crucial for long-term success.

Explore these seven tips for handling burnout.

Direct your attention to the aspects of your life you can influence.

Sure, not all aspects of your job and life are controllable, but many components are your choice. Instead of focusing on feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself questions throughout the day, such as, are you checking email 24/7? Yes? Then, stop. Resist the pressure to be constantly available.

You need to enforce work-life boundaries for positive mental health and personal empathy. Disconnect during off-work hours and resist the pressure to be constantly available. Protect your personal time for relaxation and rejuvenation.

Do you need to attend the next Zoom meeting? What will happen if you skip it? Yes, your phone is ringing, but do you want to interrupt your focus on a project to answer it? Take charge of the factors in your work life that you can control, essentially a choice, to overcome your feelings of burnout.

Is taking your kids to practice every afternoon the best use of your time, or can you carpool with other parents and do the pick-up one day a week? Ensure you spend an hour doing something you love several times a week.

Communicate openly with your manager.

Discuss workload concerns with your manager. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and seek adjustments to deadlines or project scope.

You can also talk with your manager as soon as possible when you experience the symptoms of burnout and ask to take a break—not a five-minute break or a couple of days off at home. For self-empathy, you need a complete and total cut-off from work—you need a vacation.

This is how you can ask to increase your chances of achieving a positive outcome. Explain to your manager why you need time off without whining or becoming emotional. Use a rational approach when you lay out all of the reasons why you need to take a break. Emphasize how you will be an even better employee when you return refreshed.

Ideally, ask for at least two weeks with zero office contact, and don’t make yourself available for calls. Don’t check your emails. If possible, go somewhere the opposite of daily work and home life and do whatever makes you genuinely happy. Whether that’s lying on a beach drinking cocktails, climbing mountains, or white water rafting with the family, please do it.

Ask for or create a change.

People can experience burnout from overwork, repetitive tasks, or working with the same few clients for months. Identify tasks that drain your energy and discuss them with your manager. Look for ways to delegate, streamline, or find efficiencies. As the old saying goes, “A change is as good as a rest,” so talk to your manager about taking on different responsibilities.

Will your manager assign you to a different job? Can you work with clients who require you to leave the office more often for meetings and events? Perhaps you can swap accounts with someone else who is also feeling worn out with the same.

Perhaps you always rent a cottage on a lake for summer vacation and love this ritual time away. Consider asking to work remotely and stay a couple more weeks. If making dinner has become a drag, find ways to eat healthy that save time, like a chicken pot pie from a superstore or pizza and salad from a local pizzeria.

Find ways to release your energy.

Burnout can build, leading to a pressure cooker of stress. If you don’t open that release valve occasionally, you will explode. Perhaps not literally, but you’ll crack emotionally, have outbursts, or maybe do something that could hurt your career or family.

Generally, physical activity is ideal for stress release. For some people, it’s doing CrossFit or martial arts. For others, it’s paintball battles, soccer, pickleball, or bowling. Many people enjoy video games, while others prefer a shooting range or a dozen laps in the pool.

How you release your aggression and frustration is not important as long as the act is not harmful to yourself or others. What matters is that you find a way to let off steam. Physical involvement is crucial in battling employee burnout.

Prioritize empathetic self-care.

Maintain a healthy work-life balance. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, and schedule regular breaks for exercise and stress management techniques.

When stressed, people look for ways to soothe and comfort themselves. For many, that involves eating comfort foods, drinking alcohol, and collapsing on the sofa to binge-watch TV. However, those activities rarely cure burnout and can make you feel worse.

Don’t reach for the chips and the remote. Instead, create a plan to exercise more, eat healthier foods, and get a good eight hours of sleep every night. After a few weeks or months of making changes in these areas, you will feel ready to take on the world.

Change your environment to foster self-care.

A change of scenery can do you a world of good, even if you’re still working 12-hour shifts seven days a week. Most employers will let you work remotely occasionally, especially if you seek inspiration. Others allow their workforce to work where they flourish daily, at home, in the office, or the UK.

Find a local coffee shop, museum, or park with WiFi. You can also consider working from a home office space, especially if you are willing to set strong boundaries between work time and family interactions.

Take advantage of the FMLA and other employment laws.

Known as the Family Medical and Leave Act, the FMLA is a federal law that guarantees certain employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave each year without the threat of job loss. It’s often used for a major life event, such as the birth of a child or a significant illness of an employee or immediate family member. It is also used to provide for military leave.

However, severe burnout and mental stress can qualify as a reason to use FMLA protection. Talk with your HR department to identify whether you may be eligible for FMLA time off. See if you might qualify for short or long-term disability time off or to use any other employment law-governed time.

You can use your employer’s policies to apply for a leave of absence or a sabbatical. You can also use your employer’s employee assistance benefits program to seek counseling or speak privately with a mental health professional or therapist.

Burnout is serious—and must be taken seriously—as its effects on mental, emotional, and physical health shouldn’t be underestimated. You need to understand how grave and widespread the problem of the factors that contribute to burnout is. As an employee, do whatever you can to relax and recharge and find a way to maintain a good work/life balance.

As an employer, create empathetic policies and practices that contribute to the well-being of your employees. Recognize each person's significance and assist them in making empathetic self-care a priority.

ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People

• Leaders can develop unique leadership styles, including models that prioritize empathy. Remember, empathy is not a weakness. Harnessed effectively, it is a powerful leadership tool. Practicing empathy can lead to greater authenticity, improved relationships, and better workplace outcomes. See “Leading With Heart: The Power of Empathy in Leadership” at Life Science Leader.

• Want to assess your empathy? Greater Good Magazine offers an “Empathy Quiz,” among many others, that examines your empathy in two dimensions. See how empathetic you are and get tips for increasing your empathy.

• Empathy is not a weakness but something of a workplace superpower; these authors found this when assessing the available research. Learn more from “How to Sustain Your Empathy in Difficult Times” in the Harvard Business Review.

• Do you want to raise empathetic children? You can emphasize the actions and types of reflection that help children become empathetic. Greater Good Magazine suggests “Seven Ways to Foster Empathy in Kids.”

• TED Talks provide information about empathy, vulnerability, compassion, and being human. For example, watch “How to bring empathy and authenticity to your life.”

• More About Values From ValuesCrafting.com. See the growing list of articles on this site.

• See the resources available on SusanHeathfield.com.

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