How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship
5 Actions to Regain Trust
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Warmly, SusanHow to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship
Once destroyed, trust is difficult to regain. The best course of action is always to act with integrity and be trustworthy. Repairing damaged trust requires a genuine commitment from both parties. You can't rebuild trust if the deceived person is unwilling to consider reconciliation.
Trust is the cornerstone of a successful company's work culture. It is paramount in a culture that encourages transparent communication, risk-taking, employee empowerment, motivation, and engagement, all hallmarks of effective organizations. Without it, these and other desired work behaviors won't flourish.
Similarly, trust is the foundation for family unity and love. In the aftermath of an affair or profound betrayal, a couple's most significant decision is whether the relationship is worth repairing.
While rebuilding trust in a relationship may seem simple, it requires deep commitment: Are you in or out? If the answer is out, parting ways will save both parties untold time and emotional energy.
Rebuilding trust in a relationship requires patience, commitment, and transparency. Here are five crucial steps to guide the process, whether work-related or personal.
1. Acknowledge the Trust Is Broken
To start repairing the relationship, you must acknowledge that you damaged trust and take full responsibility for the betrayal, whether at work or in a personal relationship.
For example, a marketing leader might admit in a work scenario, "In my enthusiasm to pursue a new approach, I misled you about the audience size and interest."
In a family context, you might say, "I should have been honest about how I spent my day yesterday." Acknowledgment is the first step, but you must also express your clear intent to fix the damage.
2. Apologize for Lying
If trust at work is damaged because you lied, you must admit you lied and apologize with honest, sincere, and unmistakable humility. This apology is the only solution that will work to rebuild trust. And, yes, telling part of the truth is a lie. It is one of the most challenging methods suggested for managers to regain trust at work. For the average person, admitting a lack of integrity is tough.
You can share why you lied, but you risk sounding like you are making excuses for your lie. There is no good reason why people lie. People see right through excuses such as "forgot to mention," "didn't know," and "didn't think you needed to know."
So, most of the time, recognize that you are making excuses or justifying your behavior to help yourself feel better. Neither is conducive to rebuilding the trust you damaged.
The reason you apologize is to repair the most egregious trust destruction imaginable: an out-and-out lie. Your coworker or family member almost always knows or will find out you lied anyway.
If a partner discovers a lie in a relationship, the guilty party might say, "I lied, and it was wrong. I understand how this hurt you and undermined our trust. I will work to rebuild that trust."
In the workplace, an employee can offer, "I realize I wasn't transparent with the project timeline, and I apologize for misleading the team. I will ensure full clarity in the future."
Both the admission of guilt and the apology are necessary to rebuild trust. Even with a sincere apology, your behavior has made the other person wary. And who can blame them? Your lie undermined the most precious of unspoken contracts. Make amends and begin the process of rebuilding trust.
3. Plan for a Way Forward: Set Clear Expectations
After acknowledging the mistake and apologizing, make a concrete plan for moving forward. This plan might involve scheduling regular updates to restore transparency in a professional setting. Consider suggesting regular, open conversations to rebuild trust in personal relationships.
Whatever you mutually decide, set clear expectations and keep your commitments. Define your boundaries and mutual obligations.
As you work to regain trust, communication must be open, honest, and transparent. You must actively listen to deeply understand the impact of the lie on the other person. You need to understand their perspective and acknowledge the hurt and damage you caused in the relationship. You validate their distrust and hurt.
4. Commit to Consistent, Transparent Actions and Communication
Rebuilding trust isn't about words alone. It's about backing up those words with consistent actions over time.
For example, following through on commitments and openly communicating progress in a workplace, especially in areas where you previously broke trust, can help rebuild credibility.
Managers who have broken trust with their teams can rebuild it by ensuring they communicate openly and frequently, allowing their team members to see their commitment to change.
In a personal relationship, transparency requires increased openness or a willingness to be vulnerable with your partner about your actions, decisions, or feelings. Share details openly, especially in situations that might trigger doubt. Regularly check in with your partner about improving transparency and trust.
5. Be Patient—Rebuilding Trust Takes Time
When rebuilding trust in a relationship, you must be patient. Time passes when no further breaches of trust occur, allowing both parties to begin to feel the security necessary for safety.
Other essential actions to take during this rebuilding time include:
Give your partner space if needed. Allow the other person to process their emotions.
Seek professional help if necessary. You may need to. work with a therapist to rebuild trust more effectively.
Summary Thoughts About Rebuilding Trust in Relationships
These tips for rebuilding trust will help you create your desired trusting environment. It's not just the desire for trust as a goal; a workplace or home where people experience trust is a successful space.
People are happier because they don't experience the underlying tension that afflicts organizations without trust. People can act honestly and without hesitation.
Rehearsing and wordsmithing are unnecessary, as people communicate without fear of reprisal. Thoughts are not withheld or monitored based on who is present to hear them.
A trusting workplace affords employees a comfortable environment for open communication, risk-taking, innovation, and achievement. Trust fuels a successful organization.
It also ensures managers and coworkers that people are willing to expend their discretionary energy to serve the organization's overall good—got trust? Your organization rocks.
A trusting home environment nurtures positive, healthy relationships. People thrive in an environment where they feel secure and cared about.
Do you want to find out more about trust and integrity? Take a look at these two articles that you might have missed.
Expand Your ValuesCrafting Toolkit
Discover curated resources that deepen your understanding of today’s topic.
“What to Do if You Don’t Trust Each Other” —A therapist shares seven ways to build trust in your relationship. The Gottman Institute is renowned for its research-based approach to relationships. It also offers many additional resources that help in relationship building.
“How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal in a Relationship” —If both partners are committed to the relationship, rebuilding trust is possible. This post explores actionable steps and recent research to guide you through this challenging journey.
“Don’t Start with Trust. Start with Trustworthiness.” —Trust may be the new buzzword in companies. This article in Fast Company suggests that people need to concentrate on building their trustworthiness instead of talking about and attempting to “build trust” as if it were a new product, something external to the leader or company.
Apologizing for lying is the hardest one, Susan. It’s a question of integrity. Everyone tells white lies and everyone else know it. It takes a LOT of courage to stand up and accept it. It shows moral courage and inner strength that you’ve accepted yourself before you tell someone that you lied.