6 Common Behaviors That Quietly Destroy Trust

Behaviors That Erode Trust in the Workplace and at Home

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6 Ways People Destroy Trust and Damage Integrity

For trust to exist in an organization, senior leaders, managers, and employees must be transparent in their intentions, direction, actions, communication, feedback, and problem-solving.

Because transparency is a challenge in many organizations (and families), here are six additional ways people unintentionally destroy trust through failure to demonstrate integrity, whether in the workplace or at home

1. Tell Lies of Omission or Commission

In lies of commission, people don't tell the truth, often to deceive or confuse others. When perceived to come from leaders, these lies have a powerful impact on a whole organization. But you can destroy coworker relationships with lies of commission. A lie is a lie.

A lie of omission is a deliberate attempt to deceive another person by omitting portions of the truth. It is particularly egregious because it gives people false impressions and attempts to influence behavior by omitting important details.

For example, in a client company, a senior manager wanted to foster employee optimism by sharing an overly optimistic sales outlook but omitted key variables that could impact the forecast. After repeatedly missing sales targets, staff no longer believed the projections because they no longer trusted them.

Lies from Senior Leaders Are the Worst

Once again, the more influential the perpetrator of the lie is in the organization, the more trust is affected. When leaders deceive, the breach of trust can demoralize an entire organization, leaving employees disillusioned and disengaged. But anyone can derail their career using this deception ploy when caught.

If you're not telling the whole truth, if your discussion requires preparation and wordsmithing, if you need to memorize the details to ensure that your story stays the same, you are probably lying. At the least, part of your story is a lie. Untrustworthy people derail their careers.

2. Failure to Walk the Talk

No matter the work process, cultural expectation, management style, or change initiative, failing to walk the talk will destroy trust. Leaders who don't model the values they expect from their team create deep distrust.

Words are easy; your behavior demonstrates your expectations in action and causes employees to trust you. When actions and words are misaligned, employees or family members need help relying on your integrity.

This misalignment can occur subtly—promising openness and then withholding information or advocating teamwork but not following through on shared responsibilities, for instance.

You can't state that participative management and employee empowerment are your organization's desired forms of leadership unless you demonstrate these expectations in your everyday actions. Customer service is a joke if your people label a complaining customer "wrong" or "a jerk."

A manager claims to prioritize employee well-being but regularly overworks their staff without acknowledgment. At home, a parent encourages honesty but lies in personal matters.

3. Failing to Keep Your Word

Few employees expect that every statement, goal, or projection you make will come true. You anticipate no layoffs this quarter. We will hire ten new employees this quarter. These are all predictions, but when you set an actual expectation with an employee, you need to come through as promised.

For example, at a client university, an employee worked at the reception desk alone, a temporary fix until they filled the open position with a second receptionist. They promised to replace the missing receptionist by the end of the first quarter.

Instead, it took two years because of budget cuts and the employee responded by quietly quitting, still on the job but offering no discretionary energy.

If you make a statement, commitment, or projection, employees expect what you said to happen. You destroy trust if the result never occurs. You can avoid destroying trust by communicating honestly and frequently about the following:

• how you set the initial goal,

• what is interfering with the accomplishment of the initial goal,

• how and why your projection has changed,

• what employees can expect going forward, and

• how you will avoid similar miscalls in the future?

Honest communication is critical in building trust with employees, coworkers, and families.

4. Inconsistent Decision-Making

Making random, haphazard, unexpected changes for no apparent reason harms trust. While keeping employees off balance may sound like an effective approach to creating agility in your organization, random change produces the opposite effect.

People get used to their comfortable way of doing things. They get used to the boss's everyday mood when they arrive at the office. They expect no consequences when they miss deadlines—because there have never been any.

It would help if you clearly communicated any change, and the rationale for the change must be clear. A starting date for implementation and participation from employees whose jobs are affected by the change will prevent you from destroying trust.

A leader who regularly shifts goals without explanation leaves their team frustrated and unsure of priorities. In your personal life, frequently changing plans or rules with family members causes similar frustration and confusion.

A sincere and thoughtful demonstration that the change is well-thought-out and not arbitrary will help employees trust you. Explaining a shift in mood or a different approach goes a long way toward preventing the destruction of trust.

5. Blame-Shifting

Leaders and individuals who refuse to take accountability and instead point fingers damage trust in professional and personal environments. The inability to own up to mistakes shows a lack of integrity and responsibility, which are key components of trust.

As discussed in my previous article on lapses in integrity, blaming others rather than taking responsibility ensures that people won't trust you because you don't have their backs.

For instance, if a project fails, the leader may blame their team instead of taking responsibility, which can cause resentment and a loss of trust. Similarly, avoiding responsibility for mistakes can damage respect and trust in personal relationships.

6. Withholding Information

Transparency is crucial to maintaining trust. When people deliberately withhold information—whether to manipulate outcomes or maintain control—they create suspicion.

People feel disconnected and unimportant when people hide critical information from them. In the workplace, withholding news of upcoming changes until the last minute breeds confusion and frustration. Failing to share important decisions about finances or family plans at home undermines trust in relationships.

The ideas I've expressed in this article and my earlier article, Top Behaviors That Cause Distrust in the Workplace, about destroying trust are essential, but they are not alone.

Trust is destroyed through lapses in integrity every day in workplaces and homes. Want to know how to restore the trust lost through any of these actions?

Join me next week as we share practical strategies for rebuilding trust and restoring integrity in your relationships, at work or home.

Expand Your ValuesCrafting Toolkit

Discover curated resources that deepen your understanding of today’s topic.

• “How Leaders Build -- And Destroy -- Trust”—This article from Forbes highlights key ways leaders build or break trust in the workplace, including the impact of transparency, consistency, and communication. It complements today’s discussion of integrity and provides insights into behaviors that can erode trust.

• “The Decision to Trust:”—Written by Robert F. Hurley in the Harvard Business Review, the article explores the psychology of trust, including factors that influence whether people trust others. Find out how certain behaviors (like omission or inconsistency) lead to broken trust and get tools for rebuilding trust in professional relationships. (unlocked link)

• “Why Trust Matters in Your Relationship and How to Build It”—While this article focuses on personal relationships, the trust-building insights, such as consistency, accountability, and transparency, apply to personal and professional environments. This resource from VeryWell Mind provides a simple relationship quiz to check the health of your current partner relationship.