Why the Stories You Tell Matter More Than You Think

How the stories we tell—at work, at home, and in our own minds—shape trust, culture, and connection.

ID 85645825 © Antonio Guillem | Dreamstime.com

Every story we share—at work, at home, or over coffee—shapes how we see one another and the culture we build together.

Why the Stories You Tell Matter More Than You Think

How the stories we tell—at work, at home, and in our own minds—shape trust, culture, and connection.

People in every home, workplace, and community tell stories.

They’re the quiet heartbeat of any group of people—stories of challenges met, kindness offered, lessons learned, and sometimes, frustrations voiced.

Have you ever listened—really listened—to the stories that your employees tell about your workplace? Or that your family members speak about home and family?

You may be surprised by the positive happenings described, such as the time the team banded together to save a client account. Or the time your siblings stayed closely in contact following a season of grief in your life.

On the flip side, that controversial “they” won’t let you do what’s necessary to build a successful career at work. Or your parents criticize everything you do.

What we often miss is that these stories don’t just describe our culture, the environment we experience around us—they create it.

How People Can Create Culture Through Stories

The stories that people tell in your home or workplace define the experience of being there. The words they use illustrate the emotional impact of the space.

Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.

— Mary Oliver

These few lines from Mary Oliver capture the essence of culture-building better than any management theory ever could.

First, we pay attention: we notice the stories that people tell around us. Are they stories of outstanding achievements and fun times? Or are they stories of misery, unhappiness, and lack of motivation?

Then we allow ourselves to be astonished: we see what’s good, what’s growing, what’s human, and what makes our world feel right.

Finally, we tell about it: we pass those stories along, often shaping what others come to believe is possible, definitely telling people what we believe the current state is.

The Power of Story

I once worked with a company that wanted to be known for its generosity, philanthropy, and community impact.

Yet when I listened closely, the stories I heard internally focused on mistrust of management’s decisions, wasted resources, and broken promises.

The manager, eager to reassure employees about the company’s financial health, ended a meeting by saying, “By next year, we’ll all be driving red convertibles.”

He meant it as humor, a lighthearted promise that things were looking up.

Instead, the story that spread across the organization was, “He’s lost touch with reality.”

One line—one misplaced metaphor—undermined months of work to rebuild confidence after the company had come just shy of filing for bankruptcy.

That’s the power of language. Every word becomes a seed in the collective mind of an organization or family. Some grow trust. Others grow doubt.

The same power of language played out in more recent years at TechSmith. VP Amy Casciotti shared the story of how the company began its transition to a Software-as-a-Service (SaaS) model.

According to her team, the conversations were filled with confusion, acronyms, and fear—many people didn’t understand what the shift meant, or why it was necessary.

Some early stories reflected apprehension: “We’ll lose our customers,” “We’re changing too much.”

But as leaders shared new data, customer feedback, and examples of how the change would better serve both employees and customers, the story began to shift.

Sales reframed the transition as a continuation of what TechSmith was already doing—offering ongoing value and partnership. Over time, the narrative evolved from “We have to do this” to “We get to do this—together.”

The technology changed, but what truly shifted was the story people told about who they were and where they were headed.

The shared language of progress and trust brought everyone into alignment.

The Stories We Live

We tell stories every day without realizing it.

We repeat them in conversations with friends, coworkers, and even strangers:

“They never listen.”

“We’re finally making progress.”

“You wouldn’t believe what my boss did for me.”

“My brother really let me down.”

Each of these stories reinforces an unspoken belief about how life works and what we expect from others.

In workplaces, stories reveal how people truly feel about leadership, fairness, communication, and belonging.

At home, they reflect our values—how we define love, effort, closeness, and respect.

If you listen closely, you’ll start to notice a pattern: our repeated stories become our shared truths. And those truths form the foundation of trust—or the cracks that break it.

The Language of Trust

You don’t build culture from slogans, websites, or framed mission statements.

You build it from the everyday words people use.

Trust grows through consistent language:

Words that include rather than divide.

Words that give credit rather than take it.

Words that recognize effort, not just achievement.

When we use words that respect the dignity of coworkers, we create a sense of safety.

When our words sting, dismiss, or divide, we erode connection—often without meaning to.

That’s why leaders and parents, mentors and managers alike, need to listen not only to what they’re saying, but also to the tone, timing, and intention behind their words.

Language becomes a habit.

Habit becomes culture.

Changing the Story

If the stories in your organization or family have grown negative or narrow, it’s not too late to rewrite them.

Start small. Tell one story of integrity, courage, or kindness each week.

You can use recognition to reinforce what matters most.

In workplaces, share stories about the team that stayed late to support a customer—or the employee who quietly improved a process for everyone.

At home, celebrate patience, generosity, and shared effort.

Stories like these don’t just describe what’s happening; they remind people who they are, what they’re capable of, and who they are meant to be.

If you’re a leader, build storytelling into your meetings.

If you’re an individual, notice what you share most often with others. Are your words reflecting frustration—or possibility?

Over time, new stories take root. They begin to change what people notice, talk about, and believe.

The Quiet Magic

We often wait for the first kind of magic—the spark of inspiration, the lucky break, the open door.

But the more actual magic there is, the quieter it is.

It happens when we become light for others—when we listen without judgment, encourage without agenda, and help them see what’s already within.

That’s how trust begins.

That’s how culture grows.

That’s the real power of the stories we tell.

A Reflection

Tomorrow, listen to the stories told around you—at work, at home, and especially, in your own mind.

Ask yourself:

Are these stories uplifting people or pulling them down?

Are they creating trust or feeding frustration?

And most importantly, what story do you want to tell next?

Because in the end, the story we choose to tell becomes the life we choose to live.

With gratitude for how you live your values,

— Susan

Until next week—keep doing what matters most.

Just a reminder that I share short reflections on values, life, and Percy several times a week in Substack Notes—along with posts from other writers whose work I admire. It’s a more spontaneous space, and I’d love to see you there. Check out Notes for all the latest.

Your presence here means more than I can say. Thank you for being part of ValuesCrafting. Every time you read, reflect, and act on these ideas, you’re helping create a world where values guide actions—and that’s something worth sharing.