Why Being Kinder To Yourself Is The Most Courageous Thing You Can Do
Self-Compassion Is Not Selfish—It's Survival
A quiet moment of self-kindness can be a powerful act of courage.
ID 173057607 © Antonio Guillem | Dreamstime.com
Why Being Kinder To Yourself Is The Most Courageous Thing You Can Do
Self-Compassion Is Not Selfish—It's Survival
You can find the strength to treat yourself like someone who matters.
Earlier this year, I wrote about the surprising challenge, and gift, of receiving empathy from others after my husband, Bill, died.
For the first time I can ever remember, I was able to accept the care so freely offered by friends, family, and colleagues.
I was so overwhelmed by grief, loss, and a lack of direction that I felt frozen in place.
But something else was unfolding: I wasn't just learning to receive empathy and compassion from others. I was learning to extend them to myself.
I began to understand an essential benefit.
Self-compassion isn't indulgent. It's one of the bravest choices you can make—not a luxury, but your strength when you show up to care for yourself.
What Is Self-Compassion, Really?
At its heart, self-compassion means:
Recognizing your pain exists,
Acknowledging that you deeply feel pain and sorrow,
Understanding that your pain is part of the shared human experience (we all die; we all experience illness), and
Responding with warmth and care rather than harsh judgment or beating yourself up for not recovering more quickly. And, instead, loving yourself, rather than critiquing your honest, heartfelt pain.
Internally, you make a choice when you experience self-compassion. You decide to:
Comfort yourself rather than criticize.
Soothe yourself rather than shame.
Stand beside yourself, rather than against.
Honor the realness of you and unapologetically acknowledge the human need for care when we are vulnerable.
It's how we acknowledge we are human—flawed, vulnerable, resilient—and still worthy of the same kindness we offer others.
Why You Deserve Self-Compassion, Just Like You Deserve Empathy
Empathy says: "I see your pain, and I'm here with you."
Self-compassion says: "I see my pain, and I'm here with me."
We believe others deserve empathy, but we make ourselves earn it. We tell and ask ourselves things like:
"I should be stronger by now."
"Other people have it worse."
"I just need to push through."
"What is my problem that I still wallow in despair?"
"Why haven't I gotten over this loss?"
But that's not how self-compassion works. It doesn't discriminate. You're not the exception to the rule of care. You're part of the human story, too.
Self-compassion isn't a reward for perfect behavior or preternatural composure. It's a necessity for living with integrity and hope.
How Self-Compassion Blesses Our Lives
When you practice self-compassion, you begin to:
Build real resilience: You bounce back from hardship faster because you aren't carrying shame and self-blame alongside grief or failure.
Act with integrity: You align your values both inward and outward. You don't just say kindness matters, you live it, even when no one's watching.
Feel more grounded: You stop relying on perfection to feel worthy. You start trusting that who you are and what you are is enough, even if that person is in the process of becoming or being.
Self-compassion enables us to navigate life with greater ease, clarity, and energy, allowing us to focus on what truly matters.
The Cost of Self-Neglect Rather Than Self-Compassion
Without self-compassion, even your best intentions can backfire. Your actions and self-talk undermine the positive relationship you need to build with yourself.
You practice empathy for others, but berate yourself when you need rest.
You model kindness, but whisper cruel things to yourself during challenging moments.
You advocate for balance, but power through your exhaustion because your own needs feel secondary.
This dissonance doesn't just drain you; it also leaves you feeling empty. It breaks trust with yourself.
Eventually, it shows. You experience burnout, anxiety, chronic tension, or simply the inner sense that you're always falling short.
7 Steps to Practice Self-Compassion
You don't need hours of meditation or expensive retreats to learn how to treat yourself with compassion.
You need intention, awareness of the problem, and a willingness to befriend yourself.
These seven practices will help you stay on the path toward self-care and self-love.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Don't minimize, deny, or explain them away. Say what's true: "This is hard." "I feel sad." "I'm overwhelmed."
Respond with Kindness
Replace "What's wrong with me?" with "Of course this is difficult; you knew this would be a challenge." Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
Remember You're Not Alone
Imperfection is part of being human. You're not broken. You're in good company.
Everyone needs to express self-compassion regularly.
Prioritize Self-Care
Eat well. Rest enough. Take walks. Laugh. Say no. Choose what restores you, not what drains you.
Use Grounding Practices
Take a self-compassion break: pause, breathe, and offer yourself kindness in the moment.
Write a self-compassion letter or Post-it note, something you'd write to a friend, and post it where you will see it every day.
Challenge Your Inner Critic to Make Self-Talk Supportive
Catch that harsh voice and make your self-talk support your self-compassion. Ask: "Would I say this to someone I love?" If not, change it.
Reflect and Incorporate Self-Compassion
Note the thoughts and actions that made you feel steadier. Celebrate when you choose self-compassion over criticism.
Think about how you practiced self-compassion each night as you review your day.
Why It's Worth It
When you cultivate self-compassion, you become someone your future self can truly trust and rely on.
You'll feel more at peace in your body and more at ease with your decisions.
You'll be more able to meet other people with dignity because you're giving yourself what you need, not just what gets you through.
You'll still have hard days, but you'll face them with a friend by your side. That friend—your most faithful friend—is you.
Bringing It Home
You may not be walking through grief as I have. You may be facing a demanding work season, caring for a loved one, managing a health challenge, or simply feeling the quiet weariness of carrying more than your share.
Whatever your circumstances, self‑compassion is not indulgence—it’s how you stay whole. It’s choosing patience over pressure, understanding over criticism, and care over self‑neglect.
When you offer yourself the same kindness you’d give someone you love, you create the inner steadiness to meet life’s demands with dignity, clarity, and hope. And no matter what tomorrow brings, you will face it alongside the most faithful ally you’ll ever have: yourself.
Reflection Prompt:
Think of a moment this week when you judged yourself harshly or served as your own worst critic.
What would change if you met that exact moment with self-compassion instead?
Human Collaboration with AI Is Possible and Stretches Your Ability to Contribute
AI isn't a threat. Forgetting your voice is.
In a world drowning in AI-generated sameness, your authentic voice is your advantage.
This new image welcomes visitors to ValuesCrafting. It's more than a picture; it's a collaboration between human insight and AI support, grounded in values, vision, and clarity.
I took the photo. I had the logo designed over 30 years ago. The message is mine.
The image and final polish were generated by ChatGPT, which seamlessly integrated all the elements into an image for my welcome page that feels unmistakably my own.
It’s not perfect. We are still working on how the logo should gently enter from the side of the page: currently, a stretch for Chat’s image capabilities. But progress, yes.
I don't use AI to replace myself. I use it to express what matters most to me—faster, more precisely, and with visuals I can describe but not create.
If you've built and shared your voice over the years, you're not behind. You're ahead.
The future belongs to creators who can pair real experience and their authentic voices with thoughtful tools like AI.
Remember, once again, AI isn't the threat. Forgetting your voice is the real risk.
Inspired by Tom Kuegler: "In A World Drowning In AI Slop, Your Authentic Voice Is Worth Millions."
You might want to take a look at Tom’s Substack: The Writing Long Game.
You being here means the world to me. Thank you for reading ValuesCrafting.
ValuesCrafting is a reader-supported publication. By subscribing, you gain early access to new posts and practical insights that help you align your actions with what matters most. Whether you subscribe for free or share with a friend, your support allows ValuesCrafting to thrive.
I love everything about this. I try to prioritize self care but never gave a second thought to self compassion.
Thank you for writing this - I really needed to read this today!