What You Do Speaks So Loudly, People Can't Hear What You're Saying

Your Values Aren’t What You Say—They’re What You Do

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What You Do Speaks So Loudly, People Can't Hear What You're Saying

Your Values Aren’t What You Say—They’re What You Do

We've all had moments where our words and actions didn't quite match.

Sometimes, it's unintentional—a smile that doesn't reach our eyes, a promise we meant but didn't follow through on, or a message we believe in that falls flat because our behavior tells a different story.

Most people don't mean to be inconsistent. But values aren't what we say. They're what people see.

And that's the problem. In work and in life, people are always watching.

They notice the dissonance between your stated values and your choices, between your principles and your presence.

You may be committed to transparency, but the silence speaks louder if you avoid hard conversations.

You may believe in collaboration, but the signal's already been sent if your body language shuts people down.

The disconnect often lives in our habits, the small, repeated behaviors that shape how others experience us.

We think we're being clear about our values. But we forget that clarity isn't about the right words. It's about the consistent evidence we give others through our actions.

This is especially true in leadership. Your team doesn't just listen to what you say; the members watch what you do.

The most carefully chosen words can be drowned out by unintentional signals. In those moments, your behavior becomes the real message.

And this doesn't just apply at work. Sometimes, the loudest contradiction is in the quiet promises we make to ourselves—and repeatedly break.

Our intentions don't matter as much as our actions when no one's watching.

Here are three stories showing how behavior—far more than words—shapes others' experience of our values, leadership, and sincerity.

When Your Words Say One Thing, But Your Presence Says Another

The CEO Said He Wanted Empowered Employees

In one of my client companies, the CEO spoke often—and earnestly—about employee empowerment. He wanted his people to take initiative, make decisions, and lead. He was frustrated that they didn't.

"They say they want me to make all the decisions," he told me. "Even when I've told them a hundred times that I want them to decide and act."

But what he said and what he did told two different stories.

His office was perched high above the plant floor, on a mezzanine level that required employees to climb a long flight of stairs to reach him.

From that perch, he could see the whole operation—but no one could casually drop in to chat, ask a question, or float an idea. They had to climb.

And they did. Every day, a line would form at the bottom of the stairs: employees waiting to ask permission, get approval, or avoid blame.

He asked employees to act like owners, but his actions said they needed to check with him.

He came to realize the problem was the unspoken message he demonstrated with his behavior, not the employees refusing to act empowered.

So, he made a shift. He moved his office to the ground floor near the entrance to the plant. People could pass by naturally, stop in for a quick chat, and share an idea.

At first, he felt awkward. "Nobody comes to see me anymore," he joked. "Do I matter?" But that was the point.

As he made his presence more approachable, he backed it up with a simple question he asked whenever an employee came to him for a decision: "What do you think we should do?"

Not, "Let me tell you what to do."

Not, "Here's my opinion."

But instead, "What do you think?"

That small change allowed employees to lead, showing them he meant it.

Over time, empowerment became more than a word in a meeting. It became real.

The Manager Who Didn't Know He Was Intimidating

In another company, I worked closely with a head of operations who was, in every sense, a commanding presence—a 6'5", broad-shouldered, booming voice man. He was respected, sharp, and completely unaware of how he came across to employees.

One day, the finance director pulled me aside and said something unexpected.

"I'm afraid of him."

This man—competent, calm, and no stranger to fast-paced environments—was genuinely intimidated.

Not because the ops manager was harsh or unkind. In fact, I couldn't find a single instance where the ops lead had threatened or insulted anyone.

He thought he was doing everything right.

But his actions told a different story.

Every day, he strode into the finance director's office, closed the door behind him, and towered over the man's desk as he fired off questions about projections, variances, and operational metrics.

He didn't sit. He didn't soften. And he wasn't getting the collaboration he wanted.

The finance director, overwhelmed and shut down, rarely engaged in the strategic dialogue the ops leader wanted. He just provided numbers and waited for the storm to pass.

The ops manager, in turn, became frustrated. He told me, "He never gives me anything helpful. I'm thinking of replacing him."

But something shifted once I helped him see how his posture, presence, and tone were being interpreted by all the members of his senior team.

He began every conversation by sitting down.

He lowered his voice. He stopped peppering people with questions and started asking open-ended ones. He invited discussion instead of just answers.

Most powerfully, he began following through on his team's recommendations and letting them know the impact of their ideas on decisions.

It wasn't instant, but it was meaningful. Not only did the finance director begin offering thoughtful insights and ideas, but other employees opened up, too.

He started to get the collaboration he had always wanted, not because he said the right things but because his presence no longer drowned out his words.

How I Lost 70 Pounds Without Ever Talking About It

For years, I told myself I wanted to lose weight. I discussed trying new diets, considered exercise plans, and shared my frustrations with friends and my husband. I believed I meant it.

But in truth, my everyday actions told a different story.

I prioritized client work and travel over my own well-being. Lunches, and sometimes dinners, were eaten with clients at restaurants where the food was convenient, not necessarily nourishing.

Workouts took a backseat to my extended work hours and travel.

I rewarded business wins with dinners out and gave little thought to the toll it all was taking.

I said I wanted to feel better, but nothing in my habits reflected that.

It wasn't until I stopped announcing my intentions and started quietly acting on them that things changed.

No grand declarations. No bold goals posted on the fridge. I just began moving my body—walking, riding the exercise bike, building consistency rather than speed.

I adopted visual systems that helped me succeed: my plate half-filled with vegetables, a half-closed fist to represent the actual size of my stomach, and a calorie count tracked on my Fitbit app with unflinching honesty daily.

I experienced setbacks, of course. But instead of giving up, I adjusted. I didn't spiral—I recalibrated each day to stick with my goals.

And over time, I lost 70 pounds through steady action aligned with what I knew mattered.

People noticed. Some asked what I was doing.

And for once, I had something to say—because my actions had already said it for me.

Twelve years later, that weight is still gone. Every year, I work on losing a few more pounds.

Because what changed wasn't just my habits—it was how I decided to live.

When Your Actions Speak Clearly, You Don’t Need to Say as Much

What we say still matters, of course. But in the moments that shape trust, leadership, and change, it’s what we do that people believe.

If your actions don’t match your words, people won’t believe your words.

But when your values show up in your habits, your posture, your tone—people notice. And they start to believe in what you stand for.

So, what message are your actions sending?

If something here struck a chord, I’d love to hear what stayed with you—or how you’ve seen this play out in your life or work. Real stories deepen the conversation.

And if someone in your circle would benefit from this message, please pass it along. A single share can start a ripple, helping others reflect on the quiet power of what we do, not just what we say.

More from ValuesCrafting

Want to explore this week’s theme more deeply? These related pieces offer practical strategies and real-life examples to help you align your actions with what matters most.

• How to Demonstrate Integrity: If you want a reputation for integrity, it’s not about what you say—it’s about what you do, consistently, across situations. Here’s how to walk your talk.

• 6 Common Behaviors That Quietly Destroy Trust: Trust can erode through small, unnoticed actions. These six behaviors often go unspoken but quietly undermine integrity in workplaces and families.

• 5 Ways to Rebuild Trust When It's Broken: Trust is hard to regain once damaged. But it can be rebuilt—with transparency, consistency, and the willingness to show up differently.

• The Ripple Effect of Kindness: A little kindness can shift everything. One intentional act can create momentum for trust, culture, and connection.