The Authenticity Challenge; Reframing Fear

Overcoming the Barriers to Being Real

Welcome to ValuesCrafting!

Today's issue tackles two essential topics for living authentically. First, we explore personas—the external and internal behaviors we adopt to protect our vulnerability—and how to move towards more authentic behavior.

Next, we share a story about reframing fear, highlighting how fear can lose its power when we discover and move away from its root cause.

We've also included a short list of curated resources to help you deepen your understanding and advance your knowledge.

As we approach Labor Day weekend, many of you may be taking well-deserved time off to close out the summer. We've always shared that ValuesCrafting's goal is to reach as many people as possible with valuable information that helps them live harmoniously with what matters most. 

If you find the articles useful, please comment and share to help us reach more people.

Your feedback during this summer adjustment phase, as we experiment with formats and frequency, is invaluable. We greatly appreciate your input as we seek to write content that better serves your needs. 

Your thoughts and suggestions are significant in shaping the future of our content. Today's issue is an 8-minute read, shorter at your suggestion.

Thank you for being part of the ValuesCrafting community. Let's explore how to be authentic and build a more supportive, productive environment together. We are committed to supporting your growth and development.

Warmly, Susan 

The Authenticity Challenge

Many of us find striving for authenticity difficult because we have carefully constructed a persona over years of living and working. This persona is the image or identity we've created to present to the world, designed to achieve the results we seek in our interactions with others.

We base this persona on our image of who we are, what we want to contribute, and how we want the world to see us. It's also shaped by our experiences, the expectations we feel from others, and our desire to succeed or fit in.

It's a mask we put on to meet the expectations of our surroundings. But our persona is not just a facade—it's a powerful tool we've created. Our persona reflects who we are, but it is also adaptable.

It emphasizes certain personal traits while downplaying or hiding others as the situation requires. This adaptability helps us navigate social and work situations, gain approval from other people, and achieve our work and life goals.

We need to reflect, take stock occasionally, and remember that the persona is not authentically who you are. When we operate from this persona, this image we have created for our external—and even internal—audience, we miss sharing the authentic person that is us.

Your Persona vs. Your Authentic Self

And I do genuinely "get it." I want colleagues to see me as professional, poised, intelligent, caring, attractive, well-dressed, knowledgeable about the topics I discuss, and a good listener and problem solver.

I want strangers to approach me to tell me their life stories while we wait for a dinner reservation. I spent years perfecting this persona, and it has served me well.

Friends and colleagues have their personas, too. Take one friend, Jenny, for example—she brands herself as a consultant, keynote speaker, and trainer. Given our overlapping fields, we share many of the same professional traits.

But to stand out in a crowded market, she's cultivated a snarky, quirky personality that has become her signature style. This playful edge differentiates her from others and endears her to clients who appreciate her unique approach.

It also covers the painful few years she experienced during a stressful divorce and the need to rebuild her persona and career path to earn a living.

A long-term client, John is a charismatic leader known for his bold ideas and creative flair. He once told his employees they would all drive red convertibles if his grand vision for the company succeeded. However, his dreamer nature and misplaced trust in several key employees nearly bankrupted the company.

Despite frequent setbacks, John remains determined to inspire his team. He shows off his whimsical side, like arriving at the annual Halloween celebration dressed as a shower curtain. His persona mixes visionary ambition and playful charm, though it often teeters on the edge of impracticality.

Inside, he may feel vulnerable as market forces undermine his success.

However, as helpful as these personas are, they have one common characteristic: They often create a barrier between who we think we need to be and who we are. Have you ever paused to wonder if your persona truly reflects who you are?

Disclosing Your Authentic Self

On the other hand, our authentic self is the true essence of who we are. It's the person we are behind the mask that encompasses our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, strengths, and flaws.

Our authentic self is not concerned with external validation or fitting into socially acceptable models.

Fierce tension arises in our personas, which we display to the world when we feel compelled to hide our true selves to conform to expectations. We experience this tension as inner conflict, stress, or a sense of lack of personal fulfillment as we attempt to reconcile our external persona with our authentic internal self.

While this may reduce our vulnerability and fear and provide safety and social acceptance, it often comes at the cost of our authenticity, leading to a disconnection from who we truly are.

Wrapping Up the Authenticity Stories

In Jenny's case, her unwillingness to display her vulnerability during her saddest times may have interfered with building an authentic connection with her clients. But I'm not Jenny, and I don’t know what she wants in her relationship with her clients. Maybe her goal was to make them laugh while prodding them to change—not a deep connection.

John's outward bravado and grand promises covered up his vulnerability. If he had shown his authentic self, the employees could have supported him in delivering the results the company needed. It was truly all over when he said they'd all be driving red convertibles.

Jenny and John's stories highlight a common challenge—how our personas, while created with good intentions, can distance us from our true selves and the genuine connections we seek.

Embracing your authentic self might be challenging, but it's the path to genuine fulfillment and connection. The next time you find yourself relying on your persona, ask yourself this question: How can I bring more of my true self into this moment?

I believe that the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. —Viola Davis

Reframing Fear

Fear can be paralyzing, especially when tied to something as personal as authenticity. When I first began consulting, training, and speaking independently without the safety net of employment, I was terrified of public speaking.

I’m talking heart-pounding, palms-sweating, want-to-hide-in-the-bathroom kind of fear. So, instead, I focused on publicizing my skills as a consultant and small-group trainer.

Consulting felt safe—one-on-one or a small group of familiar faces. The training was similar, usually involving people I'd known from long-term engagements. But public speaking to a large audience, sometimes an entire company or association? That was a different story. It was too scary.

But as I soon learned, to attract clients and complete whole assignments, speaking to large groups of strangers was not just significant—it was essential.

After trembling my way through presentations to several large groups, chugging Pepto-Bismol before every speech to keep my nerves at bay, I knew something had to give. Despite the positive feedback, I couldn't keep putting myself through this. I was ready to quit presenting to large groups.

Confront Fear Head-On

Before making a drastic change, I decided to confront my fear head-on. What about public speaking terrified me so much? Was it the fear of tripping on the microphone cord, falling, and making a fool of myself?

Or was it something more profound—the fear that the audience might not like me? Not care about the information I was trying to share?

That they'd boo, chat amongst themselves, play on their phones, or, worst of all, give me low marks on the speaker evaluation form? The thought of never being hired again loomed large in my mind, as did the possibility of having to look for a job!

Fear begat more fear, yet I kept giving presentations, Pepto-Bismol in hand. As I breakfasted on dry toast one morning, reviewing my speaker notes before giving my presentation, kind people at the next table sympathized with my having to do the presentation while ill.

That day marked a turning point. After the audience gave me a standing ovation, a realization hit me, to put it mildly. The realization was more like being hit in the head with a two-by-four.

Speaking to an audience was not about me. It had never been about me. The standing ovation was proof that what I had to offer was valuable.

My fear was rooted in making it all about me—my safety, comfort, and need to feel good. But public speaking wasn't about me at all; it was about my audience.

I needed to reframe my fear. My presentations weren't about whether I felt safe or liked—they were about what I could give to the audience. Once I was able to make this shift and turn my negative self-talk into affirmations, I realized I had a lot to offer that would genuinely benefit the audience.

I won't pretend my fears disappeared overnight. They didn't.

However, once I shifted my focus to delivering the best content for my audience, public speaking gradually became about them, not me. Over time, my fear faded into memory.

After reframing my fear and realizing it was all about what I could bring to benefit them, I came to love public speaking. I learned that it was all about them—not me.

Have you ever had the opportunity to reframe a fear? What might change if you made it less about you and more about the impact you could have?

ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People

These curated resources provide valuable perspectives on authenticity and fear, helping you understand their critical role in leadership and relationships. Explore them to deepen your understanding and application of this fundamental value.

• This 2010 TED Talk, Turning Fear Into Fuel (17:56), doesn’t get old; it’s truly inspirational to hear how he started, his origin story, so to speak, and what he learned along the way. Jonathan Fields is an award-winning author, Webby-nominated producer, business innovator, and host of one of the world’s top podcasts, Good Life Project. It's worth a listen, seriously.

• Brene’ Brown: “It's not fear that gets in the way of daring leadership. It's our armor.” She conducted a seven-year study on brave leadership that was built around the following driving question: “What, if anything, about the way people are leading today needs to change in order for leaders to be successful in a complex, rapidly changing environment…” She found one answer across interviews with 150 global C-level leaders: We need braver leaders and more courageous cultures. See this excerpt from her book, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.