The Authenticity Challenge

Overcoming the Barriers to Being Real

Many of us find striving for authenticity difficult because we have carefully constructed a persona over years of living and working. This persona is the image or identity we've created to present to the world, designed to achieve the results we seek in our interactions with others.

We base this persona on our image of who we are, what we want to contribute, and how we want the world to see us. It's also shaped by our experiences, the expectations we feel from others, and our desire to succeed or fit in.

It's a mask we put on to meet the expectations of our surroundings. But our persona is not just a facade—it's a powerful tool we've created. Our persona reflects who we are, but it is also adaptable.

It emphasizes certain personal traits while downplaying or hiding others as the situation requires. This adaptability helps us navigate social and work situations, gain approval from other people, and achieve our work and life goals.

We need to reflect, take stock occasionally, and remember that the persona is not authentically who you are. When we operate from this persona, this image we have created for our external—and even internal—audience, we miss sharing the authentic person that is us.

Your Persona vs. Your Authentic Self

And I do genuinely "get it." I want colleagues to see me as professional, poised, intelligent, caring, attractive, well-dressed, knowledgeable about the topics I discuss, and a good listener and problem solver.

I want strangers to approach me to tell me their life stories while we wait for a dinner reservation. I spent years perfecting this persona, and it has served me well.

Friends and colleagues have their personas, too. Take one friend, Jenny, for example—she brands herself as a consultant, keynote speaker, and trainer. Given our overlapping fields, we share many of the same professional traits.

But to stand out in a crowded market, she's cultivated a snarky, quirky personality that has become her signature style. This playful edge differentiates her from others and endears her to clients who appreciate her unique approach.

It also covers the painful few years she experienced during a stressful divorce and the need to rebuild her persona and career path to earn a living.

A long-term client, John is a charismatic leader known for his bold ideas and creative flair. He once told his employees they would all drive red convertibles if his grand vision for the company succeeded. However, his dreamer nature and misplaced trust in several key employees nearly bankrupted the company.

Despite frequent setbacks, John remains determined to inspire his team. He shows off his whimsical side, like arriving at the annual Halloween celebration dressed as a shower curtain. His persona mixes visionary ambition and playful charm, though it often teeters on the edge of impracticality.

Inside, he may feel vulnerable as market forces undermine his success.

However, as helpful as these personas are, they have one common characteristic: They often create a barrier between who we think we need to be and who we are. Have you ever paused to wonder if your persona truly reflects who you are?

Disclosing Your Authentic Self

On the other hand, our authentic self is the true essence of who we are. It's the person we are behind the mask that encompasses our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, strengths, and flaws.

Our authentic self is not concerned with external validation or fitting into socially acceptable models.

Fierce tension arises in our personas, which we display to the world when we feel compelled to hide our true selves to conform to expectations. We experience this tension as inner conflict, stress, or a sense of lack of personal fulfillment as we attempt to reconcile our external persona with our authentic internal self.

While this may reduce our vulnerability and fear and provide safety and social acceptance, it often comes at the cost of our authenticity, leading to a disconnection from who we truly are.

Wrapping Up the Authenticity Stories

In Jenny's case, her unwillingness to display her vulnerability during her saddest times may have interfered with building an authentic connection with her clients. But I'm not Jenny, and I don’t know what she wants in her relationship with her clients. Maybe her goal was to make them laugh while prodding them to change—not a deep connection.

John's outward bravado and grand promises covered up his vulnerability. If he had shown his authentic self, the employees could have supported him in delivering the results the company needed. It was truly all over when he said they'd all be driving red convertibles.

Jenny and John's stories highlight a common challenge—how our personas, while created with good intentions, can distance us from our true selves and the genuine connections we seek.

Embracing your authentic self might be challenging, but it's the path to genuine fulfillment and connection. The next time you find yourself relying on your persona, ask yourself this question: How can I bring more of my true self into this moment?

Are you interested in understanding more about why we develop and show this crafted persona? Here, you’ll find seven key reasons we need to hide—some—or all of the time.