How to Reclaim Meaning After a Major Life Transition
Part 1 of a Two-Part Series on Connection and Being Needed
Dear Friends,
How to Reclaim Meaning After a Major Life Transition
Part 1 of a Two-Part Series on Connection and Being Needed
There are seasons in life when everything familiar shifts at once.
A beloved partner dies.
Children grow up and build lives of their own, leaving you without the activities that once filled your days.
You divorce a partner and start over.
You step into a new job role.
You retire from work that once gave your days structure and purpose.
You move homes—or even whole states or countries.
Illness strikes you or someone you love.
Or, as I learned this past year, you step into a life once shared—and now suddenly your own.
Your calendar empties—or fills with things that don’t nourish you.
These turning points are more than logistical changes.
They quietly ask a deeper question:
What truly sustains me now?
It’s a question I’ve been living with since my husband, Bill, died.
Transitions like these don’t just disrupt routines.
They unsettle our identity, our sense of purpose, our connection to others, and even our understanding of who we are without the roles we’ve always carried.
And in moments like these, one quiet question rises again and again:
What sustains me now?
It’s a question many people never ask until life gives them reason to.
After Bill died, my neurosurgeon said something that has stayed with me:
“Susan, don’t lose connection. Living on a hundred acres of forest may not be the best tonic for loneliness.”
He meant it gently, but it landed with truth.
We often assume loneliness is about being physically alone.
But research shows something deeper.
Loneliness increases stroke risk by 56%, is more dangerous than smoking, and strongly predicts heart disease and depression (Noema, 2024). Lonely people are also more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.
And here’s the part that matters most for today’s article:
Loneliness isn’t only about being isolated.
It’s about being disconnected from what sustains you.
Before we can build new connections (next week’s topic), we must first understand what truly nourishes our inner life.
That’s the work of this first article.
The First Step Isn’t Reaching Out—It’s Looking In
Many people respond to loneliness by trying to “join things”:
a club,
a card group,
a book circle,
bingo night.
Those things can be wonderful—
if they nourish something inside you.
But the first step in rebuilding connection isn’t activity.
It’s clarity.
Longitudinal research on retirement, aging, and well-being—including studies drawing on data from the Health and Retirement Study used by USC and other universities—shows a consistent pattern:
People who adjust best after major life changes do not simply fill their time.
They first identify the sources of meaning that energize them rather than drain them.
Researchers often describe this as purposeful or values-aligned engagement—choosing activities and relationships that reflect what matters most to the individual, rather than what is expected or convenient.
When people choose activities or relationships aligned with their personal values, well-being rises dramatically.
When they choose based on obligation or habit?
The opposite happens.
Meaning is personal.
It does not generalize.
Conversations That Opened My Eyes
Over the past few weeks, I talked with several people about how they’re navigating their own transitions.
One woman is exploring photography now, for when her kids no longer need her to spend evenings and weekends at sporting events.
Another maintains a vibrant circle of friends from across the country, whom she hosts regularly—and who, in return, host her.
My sister swims, plays bridge, and cares for her grandchildren.
My hairdresser suggested bingo nights, game nights, cards, and book clubs—wonderful ideas for some, but not for me.
My funeral director suggested their monthly dinners for widows and widowers to share grief.
What I realized from these conversations is this:
Connection is not one-size-fits-all.
It has to fit your life, your personality, your values.
Before you choose activities or people, you must know what you truly hunger for.
How to Identify What Sustains You
(A simple framework aligned with current research on purpose and aging)
A growing body of evidence links purpose to healthy aging.
In a recent Inc.com article on how people age well, Bill Gates pointed to psychological research showing that purpose matters deeply in later life.
One long-term study following retirees for 15 years found that those who reported a clear sense of purpose had a 28% lower risk of developing dementia than those who did not.
Purpose doesn’t mean productivity.
It often looks quieter—and more personal—than we expect.
It means knowing what gives your days meaning, shape, rhythm, and direction.
Here are three questions researchers recommend:
A. What experiences make you feel most alive, even quietly?
These often include:
• nature
• learning
• service
• creativity
• relationships
• spiritual exploration
• caring for another being
B. What would you miss immediately if it disappeared from your life?
This is the simplest way to identify your inner non-negotiables.
If you would feel diminished without it, it sustains you.
C. Where do you naturally return when life becomes overwhelming?
Your instincts point to your anchors.
For me:
writing, nature, learning, faith exploration, beauty, Lake Michigan, and Percy.
These questions are not abstract.
They are a compass.
What Sustains Me Now
This past year reshaped me.
I learned that many activities I once enjoyed were meaningful largely because I shared them with Bill—like spicy cooking. Without that shared context, some pleasures no longer nourish me in the same way.
What sustains me now is clearer.
It includes:
writing and influencing how people live their values
reading fantasy, mysteries, action-adventure novels, and anything with dragons
walking by Lake Michigan or the ocean, storms, and long drives
watching passing ships and learning about their departures and destinations
living on a hundred acres of forest—feeding birds and watching wildlife
poetry, art, museums, and live theater
supporting young creators and helping young people believe they can achieve their dreams
exploring Catholicism and joining new church communities
traveling
eclectic music, selected movies, and programs
restrengthening relationships with Bill’s family and mine, and
my Papillon puppy, Percy, who gives me someone to care for—and someone who cares back
These aren’t hobbies.
They are lifelines.
They are the spine of meaning in this new chapter of my life.
A Closing Reflection for You
Before you rebuild connection (Part 2 next week), take a quiet inventory:
• What truly sustains you—emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, creatively?
• What gives you forward motion, not just distraction?
• What helps you feel needed, purposeful, or alive?
Write down your answers.
Honor them.
They will show you where connection wants to grow.
Next week, we’ll explore how to turn that clarity into community, belonging, and the feeling of being needed—the most powerful antidote to loneliness we have.
I’m glad you’re here.
If this reflection resonates, Part 2 will explore how clarity grows into connection and belonging. I hope you’ll stay with me.