How to Hold Your Values When It's Easier Not To
Recognize the quiet pressures that erode your values—and how to resist them
Photo by Kate Branch on Unsplash
How to Hold Your Values When It's Easier Not To
Recognize the quiet pressures that erode your values—and how to resist them
At a client company, employees complained that their excellent work was never acknowledged or appreciated by their employer.
They consistently delivered high-quality work, met deadlines, and exceeded their performance expectations.
Yet they felt invisible because they were never thanked or rewarded for their contributions.
Feeling invisible at work significantly impacted their motivation and performance. But, to give the workforce credit, they wanted to work to change the culture that failed to value excellent work.
Rather than quietly quitting, deciding to do only the minimum required work, essentially mentally disengaging from their job while remaining physically present, they pursued solutions.
In my work with companies seeking to change their culture, I was privileged to work with every employee, not just managers, so they asked me for help.
I consulted with the senior team, who had received extensive training in employee motivation and engagement, to determine if we could identify the nature of the problem.
It was so glaring that I couldn't miss it when the senior leader said, "I get that for motivation, you need to thank and reward people. But why would I want to do this when the employees are just doing their job?"
He thought that gratitude only needed to kick in when people performed to an unachievable standard. He had not incorporated gratitude as a value to share with his workforce on a daily basis.
I told him that he did indeed have an extraordinary workforce. The employees continued to live their values despite the fact that they felt discouraged and underappreciated.
They had been willing to risk losing their jobs to solve the problem before they disengaged.
Senior managers pledged to go out of their way to ensure they acknowledged and thanked at least one employee a day for their contributions.
Once senior leaders looked for actions to appreciate, the culture of valuing gratitude gained a foothold.
This story ended well, but not all stories do.
When Values Start to Slip Quietly
In a second example, many of the employees had checked out.
Their lack of engagement created problems for the organization, but even more significantly, failing to live up to their values was deeply affecting each employee and their family life, regardless of what they claimed.
In this university's Human Resources department, major issues existed regarding fairness in privileges, promotions, hiring, and lines of reporting.
They identified, however, the most significant issue as a lack of mentors and limited exposure to the broader university and its opportunities.
Department members identified this as the key factor affecting their ability to grow, develop, and advance up the promotion ladder.
Some people were content with their lot; others dreaded coming to work every day. Those who hated their jobs served customers and students poorly.
They took their job woes and unhappiness home to their families every night. The crossover affected additional lives.
People often felt that they never received recognition for their contributions. Some normalized small dishonesties such as shortcuts, delays, or letting tasks slide until a manager asked for their output.
In other instances, people left parts of their jobs undone, even if essential, or caused a colleague to wait or redo work, feeling that no one would notice anyway.
These behaviors quietly eroded working relationships and communication across the department.
Or, employees watched a coworker do nothing and get away with it. Yes, firing an employee can be difficult in a union-represented workforce.
However, many managers failed to solve even egregious instances of employees who had quietly quit.
Looking at the two groups of employees, one passed the real test of integrity, not in any significant public moment, but in their repeated acting on their values, even when it was easier not to care.
The second group of people was generally dissatisfied with their jobs and lives. Subtle forces had chipped away at their values over time.
These forces rarely announce themselves. More often, they sneak in quietly, disguised as practicality, exhaustion, or resignation.
That's why it's worth exploring how this kind of quiet pressure works and how it slowly shifts our actions away from what matters most.
The Nature of Quiet Pressure
Not all pressure is blatant. It's more likely that the daily drip of making small compromises that wear us down. Subtle forces chip away at our values over time:
Fatigue – "I just don't have the energy in me to do that today."
Cynicism – "Why bother? Nothing ever changes here anyway."
Conformity – "Everyone else is doing it. Why not me?"
Efficiency – "I don't have enough time to do it the "right" way."
These aren't dramatic betrayals—but they accumulate. Over time, they pull us off course, not with a crash but with a quiet drift.
The Cost of Looking the Other Way
We rarely notice when our disengagement starts. But little by little, we pay a price that could have been avoided by staying true to our values.
We lose self-respect, knowing we didn't show up as our best selves.
We lose credibility because others often see and know more than we realize.
We allow a cultural slide toward "just getting by" instead of thriving.
No one may call us out on our actions, or lack thereof, but the damage is real. We feel it in the atmosphere. In trust that frays. In energy that dulls.
How to Re-Anchor to What Matters
You can't always change the culture around you, but you can protect your own. Here are ways to stay grounded in your values:
Create checkpoints. Ask yourself: "Did I act in alignment with what I believe?" A few minutes each day or week can reset your compass if you find that you are failing to act on your values.
Identify your modest wins. Acknowledge those moments when you didn't cut corners. The times when you kept contributing your best, even if no one else did. These choices count, for your peace of mind and your well-being.
Keep your values visible. Write them down. Post them. Say them aloud. Use them as a framework to guide real decisions in your life.
Find a like-minded colleague. One other person at work who shares your values can make all the difference. Talk together to ensure you feel supported when everything around you is falling apart. Integrity doesn't require a crowd.
The Integrity You Keep for Yourself
Some of the most critical choices we make will never be seen or praised. But, even when no one else knows, we do. These choices define us, shape our values, and ultimately determine who we are.
They shape how we feel when we look in the mirror and what kind of culture we help create just by being who we are consistently.
Reflection question:
What's one quiet choice you made this week that no one noticed, but you're proud of because you lived your values?
Reflection and Resources
Where Wisdom Grows in Grief
One of the most moving pieces I've read lately is "The Surprising Pleasures of Widowhood" by Elinor Lipman, part of The Free Press's Ancient Wisdom series. It's not really about "pleasure" in the usual sense. It's about truth. About love that lingers. And about how life, somehow, continues and can even deepen after loss.
The Free Press, founded by Bari Weiss, is one of my favorite sources of thoughtful, courageous writing. I don't agree with every take, but I find myself reading nearly everything they publish.
The Ancient Wisdom series, in particular, offers honest and tender reflections from writers over 70 on grief, love, faith, freedom, and the quiet dignity of lived experience.
If you're not already reading The Free Press, I recommend it.
What's Coming in July:
Next month, I'll focus on a topic many of us quietly struggle with—how little we value ourselves. We'll explore how our self-talk shapes us, how self-compassion fosters genuine strength, and how valuing ourselves can influence how others treat us.
We'll explore practical, real-world ways to bring this to life in your thinking, work, and relationships.
Quick Note:
I won’t publish a new ValuesCrafting next week as many of us pause for the July 4 holiday. I’ll be back the following week, on July 9, as we explore the topics above.
Thank you for being part of ValuesCrafting. I truly appreciate your presence.
Susan - This piece is so needed. You name the erosion of values as a drift that often defines the modern workplace and also life as well. Your examples are both sobering and hopeful, showing how integrity lives often in invisible choices we make each day. I especially resonated with your reminder that fatigue and cynicism wear us down in ways we barely notice until something essential feels lost. Thank you for anchoring us back to what matters.