How to Finally Value Yourself—Quietly, Daily, Completely

Undervaluing yourself doesn't feel dramatic. It shows up quietly, until it reshapes your life.

ID 165444543 |© Maryna Patzen | Dreamstime.com

Before everything changes, there’s a quiet moment when you realize: you get to choose what comes next.

How to Finally Value Yourself—Quietly, Daily, Completely

Undervaluing yourself doesn't feel dramatic. It shows up quietly, until it reshapes your life.

We are the central players in our own lives. And if we're not—for whatever reason—we should be.

It sounds simple. Doesn't it?

But in reality, most of us spend years undervaluing ourselves. We settle for small lives. We downplay our potential. We hold back.

We tell ourselves we'll get to our dreams "someday." Meanwhile, the days pass; sometimes our dreams pass, too.

A colleague I admire, Dr. Bronce Rice, discusses self-care and self-value as a return to yourself, rather than another task to add to your to-do list.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately—how to return to yourself. Because how we value ourselves or how we don't shapes everything: how we show up at work, how we set boundaries, how we let people treat us, how we talk to ourselves when no one else is listening.

For me, undervaluing myself wasn't a loud statement. It wasn't dramatic. It crept in quietly until one day, it filled my life.

And then it overflowed. Thank God.

The Story I Haven't Told in a While

In my mid-twenties, I switched from teaching high school (advanced English and special education) to counseling and scheduling students in adult and community education.

I worked with Lansing Community College to help create what became the largest community college extension center in the state.

But the dissatisfaction that led me from teaching to counseling and managing adult education didn't disappear.

From being in charge in my classrooms, I found myself in a situation where everyone knew I was in charge and responsible, but someone else had the title on their door.

This change only intensified my dissatisfaction with the life I was creating.

I loved my job. I loved the environment. I loved my coworkers. I loved the students. But I couldn't shake the quiet, gnawing feeling that I was underutilized, undervalued, and quietly betraying my potential.

One of the most difficult parts about leaving education was that I was very good at what I did. That’s seductive.

I liked hearing—daily—that I had helped a student transform their life. I loved when they visited later, after they’d moved on with life, to tell me that my counseling or classes had been pivotal in their development.

And beyond the individual moments, I was proud of what we were building, something that reached people who hadn’t always had access or support.

Being wanted and needed was, in many ways, reward enough to keep me from moving on.

But still…

The unhappiness began to eat away at me. First emotionally. Then physically.

My stress has always landed in my stomach. I developed constant nausea, the quiet feedback from telling myself I didn't deserve more.

And my marriage? My unfaithful husband? That wasn't helping either.

Somewhere in the muddle of a disappointing career and a relationship that was falling apart, my self-worth bottomed out.

I was one of the lucky ones. This mess caused me to start asking the hard questions: Can I manage anything right? Is this all there is? When I look back at the end of my life, how will I feel about what I left behind?

That tiny voice inside me—so often on my side when I let it be—responded that I had the potential to blossom and contribute more if I'd get out of my way.

In the midst of this mess, I made the decision that saved the rest of my life.

You Can, Too. Here's How

If you're feeling stuck or undervalued, here’s what helped me—and what might help you too.

1. Note Your Discomfort—It's Talking to You

For me, the discomfort wasn't subtle. It was mental, emotional, and physical. That queasy, unsettled feeling became my constant companion.

For you, it may appear differently. It could be tension in your shoulders. Headaches. Sleepless nights. A quiet, persistent ache that whispers, this isn't it.

The first act of self-worth? Notice.

Discomfort isn't weakness. It's information. It's your life tapping you on the shoulder, saying there's more for you than this.

2. Take the First Brave Step, Even Without a Full Plan

People think you need the whole map before you start. You don't.

For me, a bold "sweepstakes presentation" at GM came later. The first brave step? I left.

I left my unfaithful husband. I left my job. I left my sixteen years with a beloved public school system and the only adult community I'd ever known.

I packed up my Airedale Terrier and moved into the only apartment I could find in the East Lansing/Okemos, MI area that would take both of us.

It wasn't glamorous. It wasn't easy. And financially? It was a mess.

I was still paying half the mortgage on the house I no longer lived in. Between tuition, commuting, living expenses, and that little apartment, I was making ends meet on fumes.

But for the first time in my life, I was staking a quiet claim on my future.

3. Make a Plan, Even a Rough One

Courage cracks the door open. But strategy keeps you walking forward.

I shifted my graduate studies toward management, organizational development, and human resources, the fields I wanted to be part of. I knew I had the skills. I just needed the paper and connections to prove it.

However, in my efforts to network, I discovered that my entire professional circle consisted of educators. Not ideal when you're trying to transition into a new career.

So, I started building new connections, awkwardly and imperfectly, one conversation at a time. I leaned heavily on the members of my doctoral committee, who had ties to local businesses like GM and Steelcase.

Sometimes, that's all it takes: one open door.

4. Stay Steady in the In-Between Moments

It's tempting to believe that transformation happens in carefully planned moments. It doesn't.

It happens in quiet, uncertain spaces: in small apartments, barely affordable, with a dog at your side and uncertainty in your gut.

That little apartment? It's where I ultimately met my husband and partner, Bill—the man who, in so many ways, became part of the life I never dared believe I could create.

The lesson? You won't always see the payoff right away. But when you start treating yourself like someone worth investing in, your life begins to catch up.

5. Listen to the Voice Inside: The One Rooted in Your Self-Worth

That quiet voice? The one that nudged me, despite my fear, to do something unexpected at my GM interview? I've kept it with me ever since.

Buick Oldsmobile Cadillac Lansing had requested only one candidate. My professor recommended me. The head of management development for BOC Lansing invited me to interview by giving a presentation to a room full of mid-level managers on a Friday at 3 pm. Could I have been offered a worse time slot?

I knew my specialty in "listening skills" would sink my candidacy fast. So, I listened to that little voice inside of me that knows me so well—the one that is rooted in self-worth.

I decided to teach them how to enter contests and sweepstakes. Yes, really.

That Friday, from 3 to 4 pm until nearly 5, and then past, those managers were filling out entry forms, stamping, and addressing self-addressed envelopes and laughing and razzing each other about who would win. It wasn't textbook, but it was a big win for me.

They offered me the job on Monday morning.

And my life? It started to shift.

Since then, I've been writing online since 1998. I've designed my homes to reflect my style (an early career thought). I've traveled to all but one U.S. state, as well as Mexico, Canada, and Bermuda, multiple times. More dreams still to come.

And that voice? The one tied to my self-worth? It has done nothing but support me ever since. Not every moment. That would be a lie. But all in all? I've built the best support system a person can have.

That support system is me.

And That Brings Me to You

You don’t need all the answers.
You don’t need a perfect plan.
You just need to believe you’re worth the effort—and take the first step.

Where is your discomfort nudging you?
What’s one bold move you’ve been putting off?
What rough sketch of a future are you ready to draw?

Your future isn’t waiting somewhere out there.
It’s already unfolding—right here, right now.

It begins in the quiet, daily, completely human choices you make—one after another—until one day, you look back and realize:

You didn’t just build a life.
You built a life that reflects your worth.

And that changed everything.

Quietly. Daily. Completely.

Your being here means the world to me. Thank you for reading ValuesCrafting.