How to Act With Integrity When the Decision Isn’t Yours
You’re not always the decision-maker, but you’re never without influence. Here’s how to align your actions with your values, even when you’re not in charge.
Sometimes doing what’s right means speaking up, even when the decision isn’t yours. Integrity isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Two weeks ago, we explored what it means to stay true to your values. When Integrity Costs You: How To Do The Right Thing Anyway. Last week, we looked at how to navigate difficult conversations in How to Use Your Values to Shape Crucial Conversations This week, we're turning to a different challenge: what to do when the decision isn't yours, but still conflicts with what you believe is right.
How to Act With Integrity When the Decision Isn’t Yours
You’re not always the decision-maker, but you’re never without influence. Here’s how to align your actions with your values, even when you’re not in charge.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Polonius in Act 1, Scene 3 of Hamlet
These words, spoken by a not-very-nice person, have endured and lived a life of their own for four hundred years because they call out to something inside of each of us that we'd like to be true.
Though Polonius wasn't exactly a figure of virtue, these words live on because they transcend the speaker. They reach into a longing we all share: to live lives that feel aligned, honest, and undivided.
We want to think that we live our lives in congruence with our values and beliefs. I would, I know. But, if I'm honest, do I always reach my own goals? Not likely.
For example, I set the alarm on my Fitbit to go off periodically during the day, so I would get up and move around the room every few hours. And what happens when the alarm goes off? Desired behavior: I jump up from my chair and walk.
Normal reaction? I have a reason in my head to delay. As soon as I finish this paragraph, I am wont to say. When I get through five more emails, it is also a frequent excuse. Then, suddenly (and I say this with humor), an hour has passed, and I have not walked at all.
To cure my lack of action, I decided to make it harder to ignore. So, I set my Fitbit to send a silent alarm every hour on the hour, nine hours a day. Did it help me? It annoyed me more.
But, urging me to take action? Less so.
It's a small thing—walking when the alarm goes off—but it reflects something larger. It's a daily test of whether I'll act on what I say matters to me. And the truth is, we all face these quiet moments where values meet resistance.
When Our Values Are Challenged by Decisions We Didn’t Make
That brings me to this week's deeper reflection: What do we do when our values are challenged, not by alarms or distractions, but by decisions made above us, around us, or in ways we can't control?
Am I getting better at moving when the alarm goes off? Yes, I am because I am determined to adopt a healthy lifestyle through movement as a personal value.
We all face daily challenges in acting according to our values. The first step, perhaps the most difficult, is to adopt the value or its outcome as part of our core values.
Once I do, it will join the integrity, empathy, and trust that I live by daily.
What About Decisions Made Externally That Conflict?
But what happens when the challenge isn't internal? What if it's external, coming from a manager, leadership team, or organization whose decisions conflict with your sense of what's right?
You may not be in the position to make the decision, but that doesn't mean you're powerless.
It's in the moments when values and authority collide that your presence can matter most.
I've seen this play out in many forms:
A company adopts a new policy that's technically legal but lacks compassion for the employees' individual family experiences and needs.
A leader makes a decision that prioritizes profitability over fairly paying the employees.
A colleague is treated unfairly, and everyone who notices is told to "move on—nothing to see here."
A senior manager requests special treatment for one of their favorite people. This special treatment is incongruent with how you have treated others in the past.
A leader asks you to fill a desirable role with a less experienced new person over an experienced, longer-term employee.
If you've ever worked in a situation like this, you know how disorienting it can feel.
You ask yourself: Am I the only one who sees this as a problem? Should I speak up? Can I live with this decision?
These aren't easy questions. And the answers will differ depending on the stakes, your role, and the level of risk involved.
However, I've found that the people who make the most lasting difference in organizations, and also sleep best at night, don't abandon their values in difficult moments.
Instead, they find ways to act with integrity, even when they're not in charge.
How to Respond When Decisions Clash With Your Values
You may not always be the one making the final decision. But that doesn't mean you're powerless when the decisions around you conflict with what you believe is right.
You always have influence.
Shape the policy or decision: You may not be able to stop a policy. But you can shape how it's implemented. You can ensure the policy provides options and wiggle room for individuals in unusual circumstances. You can add phrases such as "at the manager's discretion."
Eliminate the need for the policy or decision: Can you correct the situation that the organization leadership is implementing the decision to address? For example, I'm not a fan of policies in general, although they can help ensure fairness and consistency.
But, my experience is that they are usually adopted to control the behavior of a minority of people.
Why not address the behavior of the few instead of implementing a policy or making a decision to control the actions of the many? Frequently, you can.
Speak up with concerns, thoughtful questions, and data: You can speak up, raise concerns, or ask intelligent questions that make others pause. If you have facts and data from the experience of other people and organizations, offer them to support your position.
When you act from your values with conviction and rationale, you may affect the decision.
Affect the communication of the decisions: You can choose how to communicate the decision to the people affected, whether you speak with blind compliance or with care, context, and courage.
You can explain why the decision was necessary, even if you disagree. You can ask for assistance in making the decision or the policy unnecessary.
More Ways to Influence the Situation
Sometimes, your influence is subtle:
You ensure that an employee who is affected by the decision knows that their concerns are heard and considered, even if this doesn't change the outcome.
You quietly redirect a conversation toward empathy when it starts with the application of rules.
You can advocate for a better solution, not to make waves, but because silence is costly for your culture.
You can learn how other organizations and people have dealt with similar decisions.
Other times, your influence is direct:
You request to be part of the decision making to ensure fairness and empathy in the outcome.
You describe the disconnect occurring between the decision and the organization's stated values. You request changes to correct the disconnect.
You draw a line, and if you need to draw lines too persistently, you walk away from the organization with your integrity intact. The only person in harm's way is you if you remain part of a culture that steals your soul.
The key point is this: you don't have to abandon your values just because you're not the final voice.
You don't always control the decisions that test your integrity. But it's revealed in the ones you don't. Implement all or some of these solutions to solve the problem and live your values.
What decision have you influenced lately, at work or home, when it wasn’t yours to make?
Reflection and Resources
Dr. Bronce Rice’s Substack The WellBeing Equation
If you appreciate ValuesCrafting, you’ll find Dr. Bronce Rice’s Substack meaningful. He combines the insight of a seasoned psychoanalyst with the warmth of a person who cares about people.
His reflections on healing, presence, and well-being are honest, unpolished, and appealing. Whether he’s offering small shifts to make for better sleep or describing a moment of stillness with a wild deer, his words remind us that transformation isn’t about perfection; it’s about paying attention, showing up, and learning to feel safe in our own skin.
Dr. Rice's Substack isn’t generic self-help. It’s personal and honest. I hope it meets you where you are.
@Susan Heathfield - Thank you for featuring The Wellbeing Equation in this week’s ValuesCrafting. It’s an honor to be included in a space dedicated to clarity, compassion and the lived practice of values-based leadership.
You speak to something I often pay witness to in my psychotherapy practice with my patients: the profound toll it takes on us when we are asked to carry out or uphold a decision we didn’t make especially when that decision goes against our own values. Over time, this kind of misalignment can lead to inner conflict, emotional fatigue and a loss of connection to our sense of self or moral clarity.
What you offer through ValuesCrafting is something rare: not merely guidance but a way of thinking about what matters most to us deep within ourselves. You help us to slow down, ask better questions and recognize what’s truly at stake, not only for organizations we work at, but for our own integrity. You give language to things many us feel but haven’t often named and you create space for the kinds of conversations we often avoid when we’re conflicted inside but that are essential for lasting, values-based leadership.
In many ways, your writing serves the business and HR world the way therapy serves the inner world: as a space for reflection, realignment and a return to what matters most within ourselves—so we can move through the world with greater clarity and integrity alongside others. I’m glad we’re both committed to helping others walk a healthier path in life and grateful that we’re also able to support one another as we do so. This matters to me. So thank you!
I actually did this recently to advocate with my PO, who ultimately had control. I was reasoned and appealed to practical things and it worked out. I think tone and candor are key when you are working with people. Don't react badly because that's what's expected, act firmly but honestly and with the other person's integrity and role in mind.