They Didn’t Want to Be There. Here’s What Happened Next.
How Resistance Turns into Engagement When Values Lead
The power of choice: Which path will you take?
At the start of a training program about building a positive self-image and self-esteem, I faced a sea of fifty-some hostile faces—arms crossed, minds closed.
Resistance in the Room
The tension in the room was thick, and beneath the surface of their frustration lurked something even more substantial: fear. I briefly wondered how many of them had had their jobs or incomes threatened by supervisors who didn't understand—or care about—how to develop people properly.
That day, I was subbing for a sick friend and working with a group of State of Michigan employees—an audience different from my usual crowd. Typically, when people enter a training session, you'll hear a quiet buzz of conversation and maybe a little nervous laughter.
Not that day.
The early arrivals had formed a wall of resistance by sitting in the back. By the time the session was about to begin, I could already tell—this session would be a disaster.
A Question That Changed Everything
Realizing my usual opening wouldn't work in this environment, I stopped and asked a simple question: "How many of you are here today because you're required to be?" Every single person except one raised their hand.
That was my answer. This wasn't just resistance; it was resentment and anger. I couldn't fight it or fix it with the canned training materials I'd brought.
Walking Away… Briefly
Instead, I walked into the hallway to catch my breath and figure out what to do next. I hadn't been gone for a minute when the one woman who hadn't raised her hand followed me out.
"Are you coming back?" she asked. "Because if you're not, we'll just leave and have the day off."
I laughed. Then I went back in.
The Power of Choice
Sitting down on my stool, I faced the group. "Okay, people, I just needed a moment. We have a choice today. "I can give you the standard training you don't want to take and may not even need.
"Or you can decide that maybe there's something here worth your time—something that could improve your life."
I paused.
"The choice is yours. And if you don't see any value in staying, you should leave—not me. But if you stay, we can make this seminar worthwhile for you."
No one left.
The Shift: From Resistance to Engagement
Instead, we began with a small group discussion during which each group identified what they wanted to take away from the session. When we brought the answers together, something remarkable happened.
People saw that they weren't alone in what they wanted and needed.
With their shared wishes clear, I blended the course material into a conversation that met their concerns and answered their questions rather than providing something forced upon them.
The energy in the room shifted. People leaned in. Laughter replaced resistance. By the end of the session, nearly every participant rated the training at the highest level.
A supervisor poked her head in at one point, drawn by the unexpected sound of engaged conversation and genuine laughter. I saw the shock in her expression—an unintentional but very satisfying moment.
A Lasting Lesson in Leadership
That day taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my career: forcing people to do something they don't want to do rarely works.
But when you give people a real choice and respect their ability to decide for themselves, you open the door for genuine engagement.
I carried that lesson into every future training, leadership moment, and conversation. People engage when they see what's in it for them and when they feel they have a say in the process.
I held no more mandatory training or meetings—ever. That experience was a lasting lesson in what not to do with people.
Not every person in every situation will choose growth. But most people, given the opportunity, will take a path that benefits them—if only they're given the dignity to make that choice themselves.
Have you ever experienced a moment when giving someone a choice completely changed the outcome? I'd love to hear about it.