Do People Trust You?
Trust Really Matters if You Want to Live and Work Authentically
Welcome to ValuesCrafting. In this edition, we delve into a critical aspect of professional and personal relationships: trust.
Trust is the foundation of effective communication, teamwork, and leadership, yet it can be surprisingly fragile. Have you ever wondered why certain colleagues or managers seem more trusted than others? Or perhaps you're curious about how you can strengthen the trust others have in you?
This issue explores common behaviors that can unintentionally erode trust and provides actionable strategies to build and maintain it. Whether you're a manager aiming for a more cohesive team or a professional seeking stronger relationships, these insights are designed to help you thrive.
We provide a list of curated resources to explore building trust further.
With ValuesCrafting, we aim to provide a resource organizations and individuals can use to understand and demonstrate values in action. If you oversee the work of others or provide coaching and counseling, you'll find practical applications of values that you can share with colleagues and implement.
This week, we've made the newsletter shorter to enhance readability and will include the additional details in next Wednesday's issue. Please forgive us as we experiment with the format and frequency to better meet your needs. Your feedback during this adjustment phase is invaluable and greatly appreciated as we strive to tailor our content to your preferences.
Thank you for being part of our ValuesCrafting community. Let's explore how to become trustworthy and build a more supportive, productive environment together.
Warmly, Susan
Top Behaviors That Cause Distrust in the Workplace
Psychologists have extensively researched what makes people trust or distrust each other. If you find that other managers aren’t trusting you as much as you'd like, it might be worth looking at these four key areas that cause distrust in the workplace to adjust your behavior. While they’re not the only reasons for distrust, they’re definitely significant.
Remember, some people are just naturally distrustful, which you can't control. But if you see yourself in any of these behaviors, they probably contribute to others' lack of trust in you.
You never feel guilty.
In a fascinating study, 401 adults were given a questionnaire to gauge how prone they were to experiencing guilt. They were then paired with a "partner" (actually a researcher), and the partner was given $1. If the partner chose to give it to the second person, the second person would get an extra $2.50 and could choose to keep it all or share it.
Guess who shared the money with the partner? The people who felt guilt more intensely.
How do you demonstrate guilt?
Apologize for things you’ve done wrong,
Accept the consequences of your actions.
Don’t try to put the blame on other people.
Guilt isn’t just about religious beliefs or a moral compass; it’s about recognizing when your actions might hurt others. If you don’t feel guilt when you should, it’s a red flag that you’re not considering other people’s feelings, making you seem untrustworthy.
Even if guilt doesn’t come naturally to you, you can still adjust your behavior. Just ask yourself, "How would I feel if I were in their shoes?" Your actions, not just your emotions, count.
You steal credit for other’s work.
Positive Psychology listed 10 ways to build trust. One stands out for managers: Don’t always self-promote.
In the office, a manager who takes credit for their team’s work will likely be someone nobody trusts. If you can’t say, “That was Jane’s idea. She’s a real asset to the company,” then people probably see you as untrustworthy.
Everyone knows managers don’t do everything themselves—that’s why you have a team. Constantly taking credit for everything shows you’re dishonest, undermining trust.
This ties in with another important point: Develop strong team skills and engage openly. Managers who work well with their team and peers are easier to trust. If you just sit in your office and let others do the work, people won’t trust you as much as they would if you were actively involved. Just be careful not to take credit for the team's accomplishments.
To promote trust with your team and exhibit behaviors that make you trustworthy, emphasize these actions.
Recognize and celebrate your team's achievements.
Develop teamwork skills and actively participate with your team.
Share the spotlight and give credit where it's due.
You don’t trust anyone else.
Trust is a two-way street. If you don't trust others, they won't trust you back. For example, if you’re a manager who installs tracking software on employees’ computers when they work remotely, you’re signaling a lack of trust. This doesn’t just affect your employees; it can also make your fellow managers wary of you.
Psychologist David DeSteno, director of Northeastern University’s Social Emotions Lab, emphasizes that vulnerability is at the core of trust. You need to be willing to be a bit vulnerable and trust that your employees are doing their work, just as they trust you to treat them impartially.
When you don't trust your team, why should they trust you to pay them fairly, promote the most qualified, or distribute work evenly? Your colleagues will also pick up on this, which can damage your credibility. How will people ever feel trustworthy if you need to monitor their every move?
Your colleagues will also notice this lack of trust and may perceive you as untrustworthy. Being trustworthy means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and not micromanaging. It’s about stepping back and showing you believe in your team.
To foster trust:
Allow employees the autonomy to do their jobs.
Set clear expectations and then step back.
Focus on outcomes rather than minute details.
You share confidential information.
One surefire way to lose trust—among managers and the entire team—is to share information that was told to you in confidence. It doesn't matter what your intentions are—managers can always come up with a "good reason,"—but it's never okay to break someone's trust by gossiping about their personal issues or work-related concerns.
Even if you're trying to garner sympathy for an employee's situation that is affecting work, sharing confidential details is not justified. Managers who gossip lose big time. Other managers avoid them, and no one will ever trust them.
You need to:
Keep private conversations private.
Avoid gossip, even if it's seemingly harmless.
Respect the privacy and boundaries of your colleagues.
You Can Make Changes
The good news? You can change these behaviors. While you can't change others, you can definitely work on yourself. If your team members, peers, or manager don’t seem to trust you, start by reflecting on any untrustworthy behaviors you might be displaying.
You must stop immediately if you're engaging in blatantly untrustworthy actions (lying, stealing, gossiping, etc.). Trustworthiness extends beyond work, though; if you’re honest in your professional life but dishonest in your personal life, it can still affect how people perceive you.
For example, if your coworkers know you're having an affair, it might make them question your integrity, even if you’re upfront at work. Untrustworthy behavior in one area of your life can taint all aspects of how others view you.
To become more trustworthy, you must make these changes yourself. Trust isn’t something you can demand; you have to earn trust. It might take time and effort, but it’s worth it. Whether it’s getting advice from a respected colleague, working with your manager, or even seeking help from a therapist, making the effort to change can make a significant difference.
Remember, trust is the cornerstone of all strong relationships at work and in life. By making these changes, you can create a more trusting and supportive environment for everyone around you.
Trust Story: A Senior Leader Trusted Enough to Create Change
In helping or consulting roles, trust is the cornerstone of your ability to assist people or organizations in making desired changes. Think about it:
They need to trust that the changes will be so beneficial to their situation that it's worth their while to implement them.
They need to trust that they are capable of changing.
They must trust that their employees can make good decisions and take appropriate actions without constant supervision.
They need to trust that the employees they empower to help them make changes and take on new roles will actually improve the bottom line or the work environment—not just exercise employee involvement.
They need to trust that you have the skills and experience to guide them in making the right changes.
If this sounds like a lot of trust, you’re right. Let me share a true story to illustrate.
From Top-Down Management to Employee Empowerment
Jim, the president of a manufacturing company, was inspired by the concept of employee empowerment at a management conference. When I first visited his company, his office was on a second-floor mezzanine.
Every day, a line of employees stretched down the stairs and into the first-floor hallway, waiting for his input—a clear sign of top-down management.
The line vanished once we provided his employees with the necessary training, tools, time, and permission to make decisions. Jim also established clear guidelines on what required his attention versus what employees could decide independently. The process worked.
As with any change, we experienced our fair share of ups and downs. Senior team members hesitated to trust the new direction and often waited for guidance. This was understandable, given their past experiences with Jim’s leadership. Interestingly, plant employees generally trusted and implemented the new requirements quickly.
Of course, there were hiccups along the way. After several weeks, I arrived at the plant one day to find a group of employees gathered outside Jim’s mezzanine office. I admit, my heart sank. During our meeting that day, Jim asked me a question that many senior leaders have but rarely voice.
He said, “I understand that the employees need to change and that I need to empower them to do so. But why can't I just tell them to change? Why do I have to change, too?” We laughed as he finished speaking, but that moment marked a turning point.
He realized why his senior team was the slowest to trust change. He grasped what many leaders miss: Change begins with them. If the leaders don’t model and embrace change, expecting everyone else to trust and commit to it is unrealistic.
Later, Jim told me he felt isolated and lonely in his mezzanine office and moved downstairs closer to the plant entrance to interact more with his team. This made him more visible and approachable, and employees began to stop by for casual conversations or to seek his opinion on various issues.
He also found that he had much less to do once he trusted his employees. He expanded his knowledge to focus on improvements within his company and several other companies. He also served on several boards of directors, where his experience was integral to their success.
I don’t know the end of the trust story or if it endured, but I do know he eventually sold his successful company for millions. His employees went on to contribute effectively in numerous roles in other companies.
How do I know? They friended me for years on Facebook and LinkedIn. Jim later retired to his Florida dream, where he ran golf tournaments and served on company and community boards in his spare time.
ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People
These curated resources provide valuable perspectives on trust, helping you understand its critical role in leadership and relationships. Explore them to deepen your understanding and application of this fundamental value.
Interested in learning more about how researchers determined that proneness to guilt was a terrific indicator of who was trustworthy? In today’s first article, we explore this intriguing insight and cover the top behaviors that cause distrust in the workplace. You can delve into the original study, “Who is trustworthy? Predicting trustworthy intentions and behavior.” from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Find more discussion at Quartz.
Trusted leaders communicate a vision with a clear plan of action to achieve it. They convey long-term details to inspire confidence in their vision. Like Jim in the trust story above, effective leaders equip managers with the necessary tools and training to guide them along the change path. For more insights, refer to the Gallup article, “Why Trust in Leaders Is Faltering and How to Gain It Back.”
Are you a fan of podcasts? Brené Brown is a leading researcher on vulnerability and trust. Her Dare to Lead podcast episodes and books often discuss the nuances of building and maintaining trust in both personal and professional settings. Her discussions with Charles Feltman, author of The Thin Book of Trust, delve into the importance of clarity and reliability in fostering trust.
Want to assess your own trust levels? The "Trust Self-Assessment" from Greater Good Science Center offers a comprehensive tool to evaluate general trust in relationships, focusing on trust-building behaviors and perceptions. This quiz can help you understand how much you trust others and how much others trust you. Try the quiz here.
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