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Dear Friends,

How to Reclaim Meaning After a Major Life Transition

Part 1 of a Two-Part Series on Connection and Being Needed

There are seasons in life when everything familiar shifts at once.

• A beloved partner dies.

• Children grow up and build lives of their own, leaving you without the activities that once filled your days.

• You divorce a partner and start over.

• You step into a new job role.

• You retire from work that once gave your days structure and purpose.

• You move homes—or even whole states or countries.

• Illness strikes you or someone you love.

• Or, as I learned this past year, you step into a life once shared—and now suddenly your own.

Your calendar empties—or fills with things that don’t nourish you.

These turning points are more than logistical changes.

They quietly ask a deeper question:

What truly sustains me now?

It’s a question I’ve been living with since my husband, Bill, died.

Transitions like these don’t just disrupt routines.

They unsettle our identity, our sense of purpose, our connection to others, and even our understanding of who we are without the roles we’ve always carried.

And in moments like these, one quiet question rises again and again:

What sustains me now?

It’s a question many people never ask until life gives them reason to.

After Bill died, my neurosurgeon said something that has stayed with me:

“Susan, don’t lose connection. Living on a hundred acres of forest may not be the best tonic for loneliness.”

He meant it gently, but it landed with truth.

We often assume loneliness is about being physically alone.

But research shows something deeper.

Loneliness increases stroke risk by 56%, is more dangerous than smoking, and strongly predicts heart disease and depression (Noema, 2024). Lonely people are also more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.

And here’s the part that matters most for today’s article:

Loneliness isn’t only about being isolated.

It’s about being disconnected from what sustains you.

Before we can build new connections (next week’s topic), we must first understand what truly nourishes our inner life.

That’s the work of this first article.

The First Step Isn’t Reaching Out—It’s Looking In

Many people respond to loneliness by trying to “join things”:

• a club,

• a card group,

• a book circle,

• bingo night.

Those things can be wonderful—

if they nourish something inside you.

But the first step in rebuilding connection isn’t activity.

It’s clarity.

Longitudinal research on retirement, aging, and well-being—including studies drawing on data from the Health and Retirement Study used by USC and other universities—shows a consistent pattern:

People who adjust best after major life changes do not simply fill their time.
They first identify the sources of meaning that energize them rather than drain them.

Researchers often describe this as purposeful or values-aligned engagement—choosing activities and relationships that reflect what matters most to the individual, rather than what is expected or convenient.

When people choose activities or relationships aligned with their personal values, well-being rises dramatically.

When they choose based on obligation or habit?

The opposite happens.

Meaning is personal.

It does not generalize.

Conversations That Opened My Eyes

Over the past few weeks, I talked with several people about how they’re navigating their own transitions.

One woman is exploring photography now, for when her kids no longer need her to spend evenings and weekends at sporting events.

Another maintains a vibrant circle of friends from across the country, whom she hosts regularly—and who, in return, host her.

My sister swims, plays bridge, and cares for her grandchildren.

My hairdresser suggested bingo nights, game nights, cards, and book clubs—wonderful ideas for some, but not for me.

My funeral director suggested their monthly dinners for widows and widowers to share grief.

What I realized from these conversations is this:

Connection is not one-size-fits-all.

It has to fit your life, your personality, your values.

Before you choose activities or people, you must know what you truly hunger for.

How to Identify What Sustains You

(A simple framework aligned with current research on purpose and aging)

A growing body of evidence links purpose to healthy aging.

In a recent Inc.com article on how people age well, Bill Gates pointed to psychological research showing that purpose matters deeply in later life.

One long-term study following retirees for 15 years found that those who reported a clear sense of purpose had a 28% lower risk of developing dementia than those who did not.

Purpose doesn’t mean productivity.

It often looks quieter—and more personal—than we expect.

It means knowing what gives your days meaning, shape, rhythm, and direction.

Here are three questions researchers recommend:

A. What experiences make you feel most alive, even quietly?

These often include:

• nature

• learning

• service

• creativity

• relationships

• spiritual exploration

• caring for another being

B. What would you miss immediately if it disappeared from your life?

This is the simplest way to identify your inner non-negotiables.

If you would feel diminished without it, it sustains you.

C. Where do you naturally return when life becomes overwhelming?

Your instincts point to your anchors.

For me:

writing, nature, learning, faith exploration, beauty, Lake Michigan, and Percy.

These questions are not abstract.

They are a compass.

What Sustains Me Now

This past year reshaped me.

I learned that many activities I once enjoyed were meaningful largely because I shared them with Bill—like spicy cooking. Without that shared context, some pleasures no longer nourish me in the same way.

What sustains me now is clearer.

It includes:

• writing and influencing how people live their values

• reading fantasy, mysteries, action-adventure novels, and anything with dragons

• walking by Lake Michigan or the ocean, storms, and long drives

• watching passing ships and learning about their departures and destinations

• living on a hundred acres of forest—feeding birds and watching wildlife

• poetry, art, museums, and live theater

• supporting young creators and helping young people believe they can achieve their dreams

• exploring Catholicism and joining new church communities

• traveling

• eclectic music, selected movies, and programs

• restrengthening relationships with Bill’s family and mine, and

• my Papillon puppy, Percy, who gives me someone to care for—and someone who cares back

These aren’t hobbies.

They are lifelines.

They are the spine of meaning in this new chapter of my life.

A Closing Reflection for You

Before you rebuild connection (Part 2 next week), take a quiet inventory:

• What truly sustains you—emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, creatively?

• What gives you forward motion, not just distraction?

• What helps you feel needed, purposeful, or alive?

Write down your answers.

Honor them.

They will show you where connection wants to grow.

Next week, we’ll explore how to turn that clarity into community, belonging, and the feeling of being needed—the most powerful antidote to loneliness we have.

I’m glad you’re here.

If this reflection resonates, Part 2 will explore how clarity grows into connection and belonging. I hope you’ll stay with me.

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Sometimes doing what’s right means speaking up, even when the decision isn’t yours. Integrity isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Two weeks ago, we explored what it means to stay true to your values. When Integrity Costs You: How To Do The Right Thing Anyway. Last week, we looked at how to navigate difficult conversations in How to Use Your Values to Shape Crucial Conversations This week, we're turning to a different challenge: what to do when the decision isn't yours, but still conflicts with what you believe is right.

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How to Act With Integrity When the Decision Isn’t Yours

You’re not always the decision-maker, but you’re never without influence. Here’s how to align your actions with your values, even when you’re not in charge.

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Polonius in Act 1, Scene 3 of Hamlet

These words, spoken by a not-very-nice person, have endured and lived a life of their own for four hundred years because they call out to something inside of each of us that we'd like to be true.

Though Polonius wasn't exactly a figure of virtue, these words live on because they transcend the speaker. They reach into a longing we all share: to live lives that feel aligned, honest, and undivided.

We want to think that we live our lives in congruence with our values and beliefs. I would, I know. But, if I'm honest, do I always reach my own goals? Not likely.

For example, I set the alarm on my Fitbit to go off periodically during the day, so I would get up and move around the room every few hours. And what happens when the alarm goes off? Desired behavior: I jump up from my chair and walk.

Normal reaction? I have a reason in my head to delay. As soon as I finish this paragraph, I am wont to say. When I get through five more emails, it is also a frequent excuse. Then, suddenly (and I say this with humor), an hour has passed, and I have not walked at all.

To cure my lack of action, I decided to make it harder to ignore. So, I set my Fitbit to send a silent alarm every hour on the hour, nine hours a day. Did it help me? It annoyed me more.

But, urging me to take action? Less so.

It's a small thing—walking when the alarm goes off—but it reflects something larger. It's a daily test of whether I'll act on what I say matters to me. And the truth is, we all face these quiet moments where values meet resistance.

When Our Values Are Challenged by Decisions We Didn’t Make

That brings me to this week's deeper reflection: What do we do when our values are challenged, not by alarms or distractions, but by decisions made above us, around us, or in ways we can't control?

Am I getting better at moving when the alarm goes off? Yes, I am because I am determined to adopt a healthy lifestyle through movement as a personal value.

We all face daily challenges in acting according to our values. The first step, perhaps the most difficult, is to adopt the value or its outcome as part of our core values.

Once I do, it will join the integrity, empathy, and trust that I live by daily.

What About Decisions Made Externally That Conflict?

But what happens when the challenge isn't internal? What if it's external, coming from a manager, leadership team, or organization whose decisions conflict with your sense of what's right?

You may not be in the position to make the decision, but that doesn't mean you're powerless.

It's in the moments when values and authority collide that your presence can matter most.

I've seen this play out in many forms:

• A company adopts a new policy that's technically legal but lacks compassion for the employees' individual family experiences and needs.

• A leader makes a decision that prioritizes profitability over fairly paying the employees.

• A colleague is treated unfairly, and everyone who notices is told to "move on—nothing to see here."

• A senior manager requests special treatment for one of their favorite people. This special treatment is incongruent with how you have treated others in the past.

• A leader asks you to fill a desirable role with a less experienced new person over an experienced, longer-term employee.

If you've ever worked in a situation like this, you know how disorienting it can feel.

You ask yourself: Am I the only one who sees this as a problem? Should I speak up? Can I live with this decision?

These aren't easy questions. And the answers will differ depending on the stakes, your role, and the level of risk involved.

However, I've found that the people who make the most lasting difference in organizations, and also sleep best at night, don't abandon their values in difficult moments.

Instead, they find ways to act with integrity, even when they're not in charge.

How to Respond When Decisions Clash With Your Values

You may not always be the one making the final decision. But that doesn't mean you're powerless when the decisions around you conflict with what you believe is right.

You always have influence.

• Shape the policy or decision: You may not be able to stop a policy. But you can shape how it's implemented. You can ensure the policy provides options and wiggle room for individuals in unusual circumstances. You can add phrases such as "at the manager's discretion."

• Eliminate the need for the policy or decision: Can you correct the situation that the organization leadership is implementing the decision to address? For example, I'm not a fan of policies in general, although they can help ensure fairness and consistency.

  But, my experience is that they are usually adopted to control the behavior of a minority of people.

  Why not address the behavior of the few instead of implementing a policy or making a decision to control the actions of the many? Frequently, you can.

• Speak up with concerns, thoughtful questions, and data: You can speak up, raise concerns, or ask intelligent questions that make others pause. If you have facts and data from the experience of other people and organizations, offer them to support your position.

  When you act from your values with conviction and rationale, you may affect the decision.

• Affect the communication of the decisions: You can choose how to communicate the decision to the people affected, whether you speak with blind compliance or with care, context, and courage.

  You can explain why the decision was necessary, even if you disagree. You can ask for assistance in making the decision or the policy unnecessary.

More Ways to Influence the Situation

Sometimes, your influence is subtle:

• You ensure that an employee who is affected by the decision knows that their concerns are heard and considered, even if this doesn't change the outcome.

• You quietly redirect a conversation toward empathy when it starts with the application of rules.

• You can advocate for a better solution, not to make waves, but because silence is costly for your culture.

• You can learn how other organizations and people have dealt with similar decisions.

Other times, your influence is direct:

• You request to be part of the decision making to ensure fairness and empathy in the outcome.

• You describe the disconnect occurring between the decision and the organization's stated values. You request changes to correct the disconnect.

• You draw a line, and if you need to draw lines too persistently, you walk away from the organization with your integrity intact. The only person in harm's way is you if you remain part of a culture that steals your soul.

The key point is this: you don't have to abandon your values just because you're not the final voice.

You don't always control the decisions that test your integrity. But it's revealed in the ones you don't. Implement all or some of these solutions to solve the problem and live your values.

What decision have you influenced lately, at work or home, when it wasn’t yours to make?

Reflection and Resources

Dr. Bronce Rice’s Substack The WellBeing Equation

If you appreciate ValuesCrafting, you’ll find Dr. Bronce Rice’s Substack meaningful. He combines the insight of a seasoned psychoanalyst with the warmth of a person who cares about people.

His reflections on healing, presence, and well-being are honest, unpolished, and appealing. Whether he’s offering small shifts to make for better sleep or describing a moment of stillness with a wild deer, his words remind us that transformation isn’t about perfection; it’s about paying attention, showing up, and learning to feel safe in our own skin.

Dr. Rice's Substack isn’t generic self-help. It’s personal and honest. I hope it meets you where you are.

Courage is the quiet moment when someone dares to speak—and everything begins to change.

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Courage In Practice: Speaking Up Even When It's Scary

In real life, courage is quiet.

We often think of courage as dramatic, like a heroic gesture to save a person's life, taking a significant risk in leaving a nonfunctional relationship or making a bold leap into a new life or work direction.

But it's not these dramatic one-time events that define the courage that enables you to live out your values daily at home and work.

Courage is the one lone voice willing to speak up in a meeting.

It's the decision to say what you think, even when you're unsure how people will receive it.

It's calling out the elephant in the room when no one else is willing.

It's telling your boss or significant other you believe their decision is wrong.

Courage happens at the moment you choose alignment with your values over the comfort of staying silent.

Uncommon Personal Courage: Speak Up When It's Scary

Over the years, I've seen so many moments of courage that didn't look like bravery at first glance.

An employee who stood up in a meeting to say, "I think we're heading in the wrong direction."

A newer team member who voiced concern about a product no one else was questioning.

A manager who admitted, "We made a mistake, and here's how we'll make it right."

None of those moments came easily because courage rarely does, but they shaped decisions, steered companies, and strengthened relationships.

My late husband, Bill, was brilliant, driven, sharp-eyed, passionate, and intensely discerning about ideas.

It wasn't always easy to show courage around him, especially for employees who respected his intellect but feared being at odds with his vision.

Yet, the people who spoke up anyway, who risked disagreeing with him, often shaped the company's direction in meaningful ways.

Because even when he didn't think an idea would work, he didn't dismiss it outright. He listened.

He understood something essential: when a person has the courage to speak up, the leader's job isn't to squash the idea. Their job is to honor the courage.

Rather than rejecting the idea, he would lead the person through the steps of exploring their concept, not to prove them wrong but to help them arrive at their own conclusions.

Often, they ran with the idea until they realized it wouldn't work. But other times, the idea held up and changed everything.

According to Amy Casciotti, HR Vice President at TechSmith, sometimes, Bill allowed people to implement ideas he strongly suspected wouldn't work.

He did this not out of apathy, but because he understood something essential: people learn deeply from trying, failing, and finding their own way through.

He knew that some lessons stick best when they come through experience, not instruction. And because of that, people grew stronger, smarter, and humbler.

Amy said, “Bill also had a remarkable ability to create space for hard truths. More than once, he stopped a meeting and told everyone, ‘We need to listen to what this person is saying.’”

"Even when the comment was uncomfortable or unpopular, he gave it weight. He taught us that speaking up was worth it—and that leadership means honoring that courage.”

He challenged ideas, sometimes even ones he believed in, just to ensure they had been stress-tested from every angle. He modeled what it meant to think critically and speak openly.

And, maybe most powerfully, he admitted when he was wrong.

He'd name the mistake, share what he learned, and outline what needed to happen next.

That kind of example reverberated, and it made it safe for others to be honest about their own missteps, too, according to Amy.

That kind of leadership creates a culture of courage. It teaches people that speaking up is worth the risk.

Was it always perfectly executed? Of course not. Bill was brilliant—and human.

But courage was required on both sides:

The courage to speak.

And the courage to lead without crushing.

That's the kind of leadership that fosters courage.

For example, one memorable act of courage by a group of employees stays solidly in my memory.

They convinced Bill that a small program, developed in an employee's spare time, had the potential to move TechSmith from consulting into product sales.

That product, SnagIt, has led its industry for over 35 years now. All because a group of employees demonstrated courage, and Bill listened.

Courage Isn't Loud—But You'll Find It's Often Lonely

Courage isn't always rewarded in the moment. Sometimes, it disrupts consensus, and sometimes, it slows momentum. But that's the point.

Courage is a pause for conscience.

A friend once served on a jury where deliberations were swift. Most jurors declared the defendant guilty in under an hour.

The prosecutor's final argument was brilliant and persuasive and seemed to seal the case.

Except for one juror.

He wasn't a lawyer, and he wasn't the most experienced voice in the room. But he was willing to risk being disliked.

He said, "I'm not saying the person is innocent. But I don't think we've taken the time to review all the evidence. And that worries me. I think we owe them that."

That's what courage does. It slows events down just enough to make sure integrity is in the room.

The statement wasn't dramatic. It wasn't loud. But the juror expressed courage in a room to a group of united strangers.

This kind of courage slows decisions down so fairness can catch up.

I'm unsure where the final deliberation ended, but I am sure the defendant's story was much more fairly reviewed.

You'll See Courage in Action When People Are Brave

Years ago, I saw the same courage in a software development team.

Seven team members had aligned around a direction. But one developer asked them to reconsider.

"If we go this way and it fails, we'll have nothing left to build from. But if we take this different path, even if it still fails, we'll have useable source code for the next attempt."

He wasn't trying to be right. He was trying to be responsible for the team's overall success.

It took courage to stand alone. But the courage wasn't in winning the argument. It was in suggesting a different path when the other members were aligned.

When both efforts failed to produce what the team wanted, they had something to fall back on for their next attempt rather than rewriting from scratch.

The truth is, courage isn't always dramatic. Sometimes, it's a raised hand or a sentence beginning with "I'm not sure we're thinking this through."

Sometimes, it's the willingness to stand apart, not to be right but responsible.

Courage That Challenges the Elephant in the Room

An HR team I once worked with documented their hiring process.

Complaints had poured in from company managers about delays and inefficiencies in getting needed staff on board, so the team evaluated their hiring process.

The group, including managers, HR reps, and even the Senior VP, gathered to determine what needed fixing.

On review, slide after slide detailed processes, paperwork, and timelines—over 240.

Then, one person raised her hand.

She said, "I don't think the problem is the number of steps. The problem is how often we must stop and wait for the senior vice president's permission.

You could hear the people in the room holding their breath.

Her assessment was honest. It was accurate and brave. She was the lone person in the room willing to speak what the others were thinking.

Without her courage, the problem-solving could have ended right there, with everyone knowing the problem but no one courageous enough to speak the truth.

She didn't name the problem to shame anyone. She said it because it was true.

The process and the people deserve better than leaving their hours-long exercise with the obvious solution unspoken.

That's what courage makes possible: clarity that leads to change.

And it did. The senior VP removed himself entirely from the hiring process, except for providing feedback at several critical steps.

The Employee Stood Up For His Time With Courage

Years ago, one of our valuable employees refused to attend the leadership training I facilitated.

He believed it was a waste of time, a distraction from his "real work." And he told me so, directly, risking his standing with me to speak his truth.

He had no idea how I might react. It could have gone badly. But he said it anyway. That took courage.

I disagreed with him. But I respected his willingness to speak plainly. He didn't yet understand that the training wasn't just skill-building.

I told him the training was about culture. It focused on how we would lead, support each other, and live our values across the company.

I told him the training wasn't mandatory after all. His participation was his choice, and I also let him know I hoped he'd attend.

He ultimately came, always early, sitting right up front.

But what I remember most isn't his decision or his attendance. His courage earned my respect. He showed courage to question something and stand up for the truth as he saw it.

And I had the opportunity to show that TechSmith wouldn't punish courage.

That moment reinforced a powerful lesson: You could speak up at TechSmith.

And that, too, is courage in action.

That's the kind of culture where courage can breathe.

Why Ending May with Courage Fosters Action in June

May has been about grounding in values. We've explored presence, honesty, reflection, and trust.

However, courage is what allows those values to move from internal clarity to external action.

You can't practice integrity without courage.

You can't hold a difficult conversation without courage.

You can't navigate misalignment between your values and leadership decisions without courage.

And you can't remain rooted in what most matters when pressure invites you to bypass it without courage.

So May ends here, not in conclusion, but in readiness for putting our values to work.

Because June is where the difficult work begins: living your values when under duress.

Because when living your values gets hard—and it will—only courage will carry you through.

Thank you for reading and supporting ValuesCrafting. I treasure your presence in this community.

ID 244512402 | Andre Popov | Dreamstime

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Empathy in Action: What Strong Leadership Really Looks Like

Kaitlin Godair, Human Resources Manager at TechSmith Corporation, was in abject despair.

She had made what she describes as a "colossal mistake." A payroll processing error affected tax calculations across the company, requiring over 300 paychecks to be voided and manually re-entered during the closing days of the financial quarter.

Alone in her office, overwhelmed by the scale of the problem, the pressure of the deadline, and the need to handle hundreds of staff queries, Kaitlin broke down in tears.

She sat in despair, dreading the conversations that would follow and bracing for anger, frustration, or judgment.

When VP of HR Amy Casciotti walked in, Kaitlin looked up through tear-filled eyes, expecting to see disappointment, maybe even anger or condemnation, on her leader's face.

What she saw instead was something else entirely—pure empathy.

Amy didn't criticize or demand an explanation. She didn't point out the impact of the error. She didn't make a speech about values.

She asked, "Do you want me to communicate the situation to staff?"

It wasn't just a kind offer. Amy followed through, taking on the most challenging part: owning the mistake in front of the team and fielding their questions so Kaitlin could focus on correcting the error.

Years later, Kaitlin still trembles when she thinks about that moment—not because of the mistake but because of the grace she received.

With Kaitlin's blessing, I've shared her story and VP Amy's quiet act of leadership that made all the difference.

It's a story about empathy—but more than that, it's about what empathy looks like in practice when the stakes are high, and emotions are raw.

Because moments like this don't just happen at TechSmith.

They happen in every workplace, where someone messes up, and someone else has to decide what kind of leader they'll be at that moment.

They happen at home when a child is afraid to admit a mistake.

They happen in teams, families, friendships, and communities.

What Makes Empathy So Powerful?

Empathy isn't a weakness. It's not soft talk or vague kindness. Empathy isn't about rescuing people or losing your objectivity. It's about choosing to stay present when someone else is struggling.

You stay—even when it's uncomfortable, even when you can't fix it, even when their experience doesn't match your own.

Because being seen and heard often changes everything for people.

When people talk about leadership, they often picture strength: decisiveness, confidence, and charisma.

But empathy is the quiet leadership skill that holds everything else together.

Real strength starts with empathy. It earns trust, builds connections, and sustains teams during challenging moments.

Leaders must start with empathy for their employees' lives and situations for any other input to matter.

Empathy is strong. It takes strength to pause and care, even when the moment is messy or inconvenient.

It's how the best leaders:

• Earn trust and loyalty that lasts

• Hear what the person isn't saying to see and assess situations clearly

• Lead through conflict with a clear vision and care

• Make decisions that others will stand behind

Empathy isn't one-size-fits-all. It looks different depending on your personality, role, and the people you lead.

But what never changes is this: empathy makes us safe to be human around each other.

You don't need a title to offer empathy.

But everything changes when someone with power chooses it.

This choice is how you build culture: not through posters or handbooks, but in everyday moments when people choose compassion over control.

What Empathy Looks Like in Practice

Too often, people misunderstand empathy. Practicing empathy looks like this:

• Asking, "How can I support you right now?" instead of "Why did this happen?"

• Choosing to listen first, even when frustrated or the situation feels chaotic.

• Offering reassurance, not reprimand, when someone already feels vulnerable.

• Noticing what's unspoken: the fear behind the silence, the shame under the surface.

• Saying, "Let's figure this out together," instead of "This better not happen again."

Empathy in leadership isn't about letting mistakes or oversights slide. It's about showing people they don't have to hide when, as humans, they make errors.

That's when accountability becomes possible.

That's when you build trust, not just during easy circumstances but in the moments people remember for the rest of their lives.

The Power of Kaitlin's Story

What made that moment powerful? Most people think of leadership as strength: calm under pressure, decisive action, and steady hands.

But real strength, which earns trust, often looks like empathy.

It's stepping into someone else's moment of distress and saying, "You're not alone in this."

• Empathy in action is often unspoken.

• Amy didn't give a speech about values—she lived them.

• The best leaders know empathy doesn't mean rescuing or fixing.

• It means staying present, removing shame, and helping people restore dignity.

Why empathy is a leadership advantage

• It earns trust that endures.

• It diffuses defensiveness and speeds up problem-solving.

• It makes people feel safe enough to bring their best, even after mistakes.

Empathy doesn't mean avoiding accountability

• Amy didn't ignore the mistake. She just addressed it with humanity.

• Empathy and accountability aren't opposites—they work best together when done right.

Empathy reinforces core values.

• In the example, Amy shielded her manager from having tough conversations, allowing Kaitlin to focus on fixing the error.

• She reinforced the kind of workplace they were building—one grounded in grace, kindness, and steady support under pressure.

Closing Thought

What stays with us isn't the noise—it's the moment someone showed up with quiet understanding. Often, it's the smallest gestures that people remember most.

We remember our mistakes, yes—but we remember the kindness we were shown even more.

Empathy leaves a lasting impression.

That's what people carry with them, long after the moment has passed.

That's the culture people want to be part of and help build.

Call to Reflection or Action

Don't wait for someone to fall apart to show empathy this week.

Check in. Listen a little longer. Remember what matters to them.

It doesn't have to be big to make a difference.

Small, steady actions shape the culture around you at work, home, and beyond.

What Empathy Looks Like in Your Role

Empathy isn't vague. It's actionable, and here's how you can demonstrate empathy as a person in a role that people turn to the most.

For Managers

When an employee misses a deadline: Let's talk about what happened. Are you okay? Was there something that made this task especially difficult? Shifts from blame to support while still addressing the issue.

When a high performer disengages: I've noticed you seem distant lately. That's not like you. I wanted to see how you are doing.

—Signals that the manager has seen and valued them.

For HR Professionals

When an employee expresses burnout: Thank you for sharing this. Let's talk about what feels unsustainable and what we can adjust to improve your situation.

—Normalizes the conversation and initiates collaborative solutions.

When advising a leader on an employment termination: How can we make this conversation honest but as respectful and humane as possible?

—Models values-driven leadership, even in difficult moments.

For Coaches and Counselors

When a client feels ashamed after a failure: You don't have to be perfect to be valuable. What did this teach you, and what's your plan for your next step?

—Centers the client on growth without minimizing pain.

When a client is stuck in conflict: Let's see what the other person might have going on. Finding out is not to excuse the behavior but to understand it so you can decide how to respond.

—Uses empathy as a pathway to obtain clarity and make choices.

Want to connect with the people behind the story? Find Kaitlin Godair and Amy Casciotti on LinkedIn.

More on empathy from earlier editions of ValuesCrafting:

You may find helpful thoughts here if you're guiding others or just trying to be more empathetic in your own life.

• How to Practice Empathy: Everyday ways to show up with care, even when emotions run high. Practical examples for managers, caregivers, and everyday relationships.

• The Unexpected Gift of Empathy: Receiving empathy isn’t easy when you’re used to being the strong one. I've learned something life-changing: letting others care for you is not a weakness.

• Tips for Empathetically Dealing with Burnout: Burnout is rising, and empathy is the antidote. When employers lead with empathy and individuals practice self-care, workplace culture and personal well-being strengthen.

Real-world stories that reveal how trust unlocks empowerment—and what can quietly shut it down.

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Empowerment That Works—and What Gets in the Way

Have you ever felt ready to act, but held back because you didn't have the 'authority'? Or watched someone else hesitate because no one gave them permission?

Empowerment doesn't begin with authority. It starts with trust.

You can feel it when it's present: people speak up, act confidently, and make decisions that serve both mission and values.

But empowerment isn't automatic. It takes intention, alignment, and, sometimes, hard choices.

Last week, we explored how empowerment often begins in subtle, quiet moments. This week, we go deeper, with real stories that show how empowerment can take root, thrive, or falter.

1. Unblock a System with Empowerment

In a clean-room manufacturing company, hiring was at a standstill. The HR team was taking weeks and months to fill even starting positions.

Managers grew frustrated by what they saw as HR interference and threatened to take matters into their own hands to staff up to meet customer demands.

Concerned that their function might become irrelevant, the HR team came together and documented their hiring process, knowing they added value to the process. They discovered 240 individual steps, many of which required managerial permission.

The biggest delay? Paperwork was buried on the senior VP's desk, sometimes for days, waiting for a signature to proceed to the next step in the process.

Once the VP understood their role in the delay, they stepped back from the process. They empowered the team to move forward except under unusual circumstances.

The hiring timeline shrank dramatically, the team felt trusted, and production soared.

Takeaway: When people understand the whole system, they can see what's broken and fix it. Empowerment flourishes when permission is replaced with clarity and trust.

2. Empowerment Not Understood and Rejected

In a student healthcare center, the director set a goal to maximize employee involvement in pursuing better student healthcare services.

After months of staff identifying the organization's values and applying empowerment principles to every role, student wait times for services dropped, their time with a provider increased, and decision-making became more responsive.

The environment felt energized, and people made decisions that made their roles more effective.

Then, a new head of nursing joined the team. She saw decentralized decisions as threatening her authority and reinstated permission-seeking at every step. Employees felt discouraged, and service improvements were lost.

The cultural mismatch persisted even with coaching and support from the center director. Despite the help and guidance, she remained uncomfortable with the level of autonomy the culture required. She never fully understood how employee empowerment could improve student health outcomes. Eventually, she left.

Takeaway: Empowerment can't survive where control is valued more than trust. Not every leader is ready for a culture that asks them to share power. But, most make the transition when they see the value in enabling every employee to act on their potential.

3. Listen to the Team for Empowerment to Flourish

The plant manager in a small auto supply manufacturing company gave notice. Convinced he needed an outsider with quality and Kaizen experience, the CEO widely publicized the opening through HR and recruited externally for a new plant manager.

After a series of disappointing interviews with candidates, the hiring team, which included people in supervisory and production roles, came to a conclusion. They saw the advantage of bringing in new learning from an external candidate.

Still, they were convinced that internal operations understanding was far more critical in the role. They could learn the rest.

Their chosen internal candidate was a female lead production supervisor who brought the necessary operations experience but was also a strong team builder and believer in empowerment. At the time, a female plant manager in automotive was unheard of, but the team was unanimous in their support.

They convinced the CEO to empower them to make the decision, and the staff successfully hired their manager and followed her leadership to continued success.

Takeaway: Empowerment thrives when leaders trust the team's collective wisdom, even when it challenges their original plan. Never underestimate the power of an enabled group to bring home a win for all players.

4. Encourage Growth, Not Direction for Empowerment to Thrive

In a small company, Stephanie, a new team leader, seemed overwhelmed with her new responsibilities. Her manager, who had promoted her, observed the situation and decided the best course of action was to support her growth.

Rather than telling her what to do and how to do it—risking making her feel incapable—her manager asked just one question:

"What do you need from me right now to feel confident moving forward?"

The team leader didn't need rescuing. She needed space to think. Thirty minutes later, she came back with a plan.

The manager said, "Let's go with it." The manager was prepared to support any reasonable plan Stephanie proposed to encourage her self-confidence and growth.

Takeaway: Empowerment often begins not with action but restraint, and one thoughtful question. When you encourage empowerment, your best effort allows the other party to grow and shine.

5. Communicate Transparently for Empowerment

In a phone refurbishment company, slow sales required closing a department and laying off people across the organization.

Management met individually with each employee laid off to explain the severance package and assure the person they would have a positive reference.

Importantly, after the layoffs, the VP called a company-wide meeting to inform the rest of the staff about what had happened, how the layoff candidates were selected, and details of the severance package.

He explained to the remaining employees that no further layoffs were anticipated. Still, he would keep them informed each step of the way in case the situation changed.

The VP hosted open Q&As every Friday. He didn't sugarcoat or hide behind jargon. He just gave the employees everything he could legally share. People didn't love the updates or the answers, but they loved that he treated them like adults.

This treatment empowered them to make their own decisions based on the information provided. Sure, some decided to leave; many others remained, convinced they would have time to act if matters went downhill.

Takeaway: Openness is one of the most underestimated forms of empowerment. But it empowers people to make responsible decisions about what is best for their own lives.

Closing Reflection:

Empowerment isn't a reward for climbing the ladder or something another person gives you. It's a way of being with each other and within our work.

It lives in our willingness to trust, to listen without taking over, and to believe in someone's potential even before they see it themselves.

Real empowerment creates cultures where people act, not because they were told to, but because they know they can.

Your Challenge This Week:

Who do you know who is ready but waiting for permission they don't need?

What's one small act of trust, encouragement, or space you can offer to help them step forward?

Start there. Empowerment begins not with a grand gesture—but with the choice to believe in another person's capacity.

Signs of Empowerment in Action:

If you're looking for a quick guide to empowering people, look for signs like these:

What Empowerment Looks Like in Action

• Decisions are made closer to the work, not stacked in layers of approval.

• People take the initiative without waiting for permission.

• Leaders ask, "What do you think?" before offering solutions.

• Responsibility comes with trust, not micromanagement.

• Ideas from all levels are welcomed and acted on.

• Small affirmations shift how people see themselves.

• Feedback focuses on growth, not fault.

• Transparency is the default, not the exception.

• Supervisors step aside when possible and support when needed.

• Confidence spreads—and becomes contagious.

ValuesCrafting Origins: If you’d like to know more about my journey from teaching high school advanced English and special education to management consultant, company owner, and writer, you can read my story here.

You’re receiving this email because you subscribed to ValuesCrafting, a resource dedicated to helping professionals and individuals turn core values into everyday, meaningful actions.

Each issue delivers practical insights designed to help you live and work in a way that reflects what truly matters—whether you're guiding others in a professional setting or focusing on personal growth. As a subscriber, you get early access to help you lead with integrity and purpose.

Please share this newsletter with anyone who might benefit. Your feedback and suggestions are invaluable in shaping future content. Thank you for being a part of the ValuesCrafting community. Warmly, Susan

6 Ways People Destroy Trust and Damage Integrity

For trust to exist in an organization, senior leaders, managers, and employees must be transparent in their intentions, direction, actions, communication, feedback, and problem-solving.

Because transparency is a challenge in many organizations (and families), here are six additional ways people unintentionally destroy trust through failure to demonstrate integrity, whether in the workplace or at home

1. Tell Lies of Omission or Commission

In lies of commission, people don't tell the truth, often to deceive or confuse others. When perceived to come from leaders, these lies have a powerful impact on a whole organization. But you can destroy coworker relationships with lies of commission. A lie is a lie.

A lie of omission is a deliberate attempt to deceive another person by omitting portions of the truth. It is particularly egregious because it gives people false impressions and attempts to influence behavior by omitting important details.

For example, in a client company, a senior manager wanted to foster employee optimism by sharing an overly optimistic sales outlook but omitted key variables that could impact the forecast. After repeatedly missing sales targets, staff no longer believed the projections because they no longer trusted them.

Lies from Senior Leaders Are the Worst

Once again, the more influential the perpetrator of the lie is in the organization, the more trust is affected. When leaders deceive, the breach of trust can demoralize an entire organization, leaving employees disillusioned and disengaged. But anyone can derail their career using this deception ploy when caught.

If you're not telling the whole truth, if your discussion requires preparation and wordsmithing, if you need to memorize the details to ensure that your story stays the same, you are probably lying. At the least, part of your story is a lie. Untrustworthy people derail their careers.

2. Failure to Walk the Talk

No matter the work process, cultural expectation, management style, or change initiative, failing to walk the talk will destroy trust. Leaders who don't model the values they expect from their team create deep distrust.

Words are easy; your behavior demonstrates your expectations in action and causes employees to trust you. When actions and words are misaligned, employees or family members need help relying on your integrity.

This misalignment can occur subtly—promising openness and then withholding information or advocating teamwork but not following through on shared responsibilities, for instance.

You can't state that participative management and employee empowerment are your organization's desired forms of leadership unless you demonstrate these expectations in your everyday actions. Customer service is a joke if your people label a complaining customer "wrong" or "a jerk."

A manager claims to prioritize employee well-being but regularly overworks their staff without acknowledgment. At home, a parent encourages honesty but lies in personal matters.

3. Failing to Keep Your Word

Few employees expect that every statement, goal, or projection you make will come true. You anticipate no layoffs this quarter. We will hire ten new employees this quarter. These are all predictions, but when you set an actual expectation with an employee, you need to come through as promised.

For example, at a client university, an employee worked at the reception desk alone, a temporary fix until they filled the open position with a second receptionist. They promised to replace the missing receptionist by the end of the first quarter.

Instead, it took two years because of budget cuts and the employee responded by quietly quitting, still on the job but offering no discretionary energy.

If you make a statement, commitment, or projection, employees expect what you said to happen. You destroy trust if the result never occurs. You can avoid destroying trust by communicating honestly and frequently about the following:

• how you set the initial goal,

• what is interfering with the accomplishment of the initial goal,

• how and why your projection has changed,

• what employees can expect going forward, and

• how you will avoid similar miscalls in the future?

Honest communication is critical in building trust with employees, coworkers, and families.

4. Inconsistent Decision-Making

Making random, haphazard, unexpected changes for no apparent reason harms trust. While keeping employees off balance may sound like an effective approach to creating agility in your organization, random change produces the opposite effect.

People get used to their comfortable way of doing things. They get used to the boss's everyday mood when they arrive at the office. They expect no consequences when they miss deadlines—because there have never been any.

It would help if you clearly communicated any change, and the rationale for the change must be clear. A starting date for implementation and participation from employees whose jobs are affected by the change will prevent you from destroying trust.

A leader who regularly shifts goals without explanation leaves their team frustrated and unsure of priorities. In your personal life, frequently changing plans or rules with family members causes similar frustration and confusion.

A sincere and thoughtful demonstration that the change is well-thought-out and not arbitrary will help employees trust you. Explaining a shift in mood or a different approach goes a long way toward preventing the destruction of trust.

5. Blame-Shifting

Leaders and individuals who refuse to take accountability and instead point fingers damage trust in professional and personal environments. The inability to own up to mistakes shows a lack of integrity and responsibility, which are key components of trust.

As discussed in my previous article on lapses in integrity, blaming others rather than taking responsibility ensures that people won't trust you because you don't have their backs.

For instance, if a project fails, the leader may blame their team instead of taking responsibility, which can cause resentment and a loss of trust. Similarly, avoiding responsibility for mistakes can damage respect and trust in personal relationships.

6. Withholding Information

Transparency is crucial to maintaining trust. When people deliberately withhold information—whether to manipulate outcomes or maintain control—they create suspicion.

People feel disconnected and unimportant when people hide critical information from them. In the workplace, withholding news of upcoming changes until the last minute breeds confusion and frustration. Failing to share important decisions about finances or family plans at home undermines trust in relationships.

The ideas I've expressed in this article and my earlier article, Top Behaviors That Cause Distrust in the Workplace, about destroying trust are essential, but they are not alone.

Trust is destroyed through lapses in integrity every day in workplaces and homes. Want to know how to restore the trust lost through any of these actions?

Join me next week as we share practical strategies for rebuilding trust and restoring integrity in your relationships, at work or home.

Expand Your ValuesCrafting Toolkit

Discover curated resources that deepen your understanding of today’s topic.

• “How Leaders Build -- And Destroy -- Trust”—This article from Forbes highlights key ways leaders build or break trust in the workplace, including the impact of transparency, consistency, and communication. It complements today’s discussion of integrity and provides insights into behaviors that can erode trust.

• “The Decision to Trust:”—Written by Robert F. Hurley in the Harvard Business Review, the article explores the psychology of trust, including factors that influence whether people trust others. Find out how certain behaviors (like omission or inconsistency) lead to broken trust and get tools for rebuilding trust in professional relationships. (unlocked link)

• “Why Trust Matters in Your Relationship and How to Build It”—While this article focuses on personal relationships, the trust-building insights, such as consistency, accountability, and transparency, apply to personal and professional environments. This resource from VeryWell Mind provides a simple relationship quiz to check the health of your current partner relationship.

  ValuesCrafting is a reader-supported publication. By subscribing, you'll gain early access to strategies that help you craft meaningful, values-based work and home environments for personal growth or leading and guiding others. Whether you subscribe for free or as a paid supporter, your participation is deeply appreciated and helps keep ValuesCrafting thriving.

You’re receiving this email because you subscribed to ValuesCrafting, a resource designed to give you practical, actionable strategies to turn your core values into meaningful actions. 

Each issue provides insights that help you live and work in a way that reflects what matters most—whether for your personal growth or to guide others. As a subscriber, you have early access to insights designed to support your journey. 

Please share this newsletter with anyone you believe will benefit from it. Your thoughts and suggestions help shape our content. Thank you for being a valued part of the ValuesCrafting community. Warmly, Susan

4 Practical Ways to Value Your Time and Energy—And Say No with Confidence

Have you ever wondered why some people accomplish so much more than you do and seem to have boundless energy? We have limited time and varying energy levels, influenced by factors such as health, organization, and priorities.

I'm not advocating that you spend any time comparing yourself with others. Instead, why not learn to value your time and energy and increase your efficacy in your life? You can improve your productivity, well-being, fulfillment, and even joy.

To start valuing your time and energy more effectively, consider these four key areas. They will help you focus on what truly matters.

Identify Your Top Priorities

A frequent barrier to successfully valuing your time and energy is a need for more focus, which makes setting priorities and acting on them difficult. Without a manageable focus, no time management system or to-do list will work.

To overcome this, create a short list of your top three priorities each week. (work and career, family and relationships, health and well-being, for example). Align your daily activities with these priorities.

But what about your other priorities? They include faith, spirituality, personal growth, contribution and purpose, financial stability, and leisure and recreation.

Depending on your current situation, you can shift focus between these areas as needed—weekly or daily. For example, career and work are top priorities if a work deadline looms.

If you prioritize valuing people at home this week, you could hike with the family, which also prioritizes health and well-being.

Getting to a house of worship may not be a priority this week, but you can increase its importance by spending time with your family in attendance. Alternatively, you can meditate and pray for ten minutes before getting up each morning.

Another possibility? Take a weekly Tai Chi class to prioritize spirituality and health. Time is finite, and your energy varies depending on the circumstances. The key is to prioritize over whatever time frame works for you.

Special Tip: Conduct a one-week time audit to determine where you're spending your time versus where you should spend it based on your values and the area of focus you prioritized.

Set Boundaries to Guard Your Time Focus and Energy

When you've zeroed in on your focus and priorities for a specific period, you must set and fiercely manage boundaries that allow you to value what matters most.

You need to identify tasks or people that regularly disrupt your focus. For example, you may enjoy your coworker in the next office, but enjoyment turns to frustration on the fifth unimportant interruption in a day.

You may also occasionally enjoy coffee with your neighbor, but not as an everyday occurrence when working from home.

Once you've identified the interrupters, decide how to manage them effectively. If your team leader holds lengthy, unproductive meetings, ask them how your attendance will help the team's progress.

You know you could better spend your time accomplishing the current task. Suggest that a bi-weekly meeting with a solid agenda might suffice.

Suppose you're a department manager, such as HR. Practice saying no to unreasonable requests. For instance, the CEO might ask the HR manager to prioritize a new evaluation system just before open enrollment for benefits.

The proper response is that this will be the priority for December since other priorities have already been overloading October and November. Better? Ask what your current priorities are for the CEO. Ask them what to skip if the evaluation system is the top priority.

By setting clear boundaries, you protect your energy and maintain focus on your highest priorities. Because you have prioritized for the period, you can practice saying no to nonessential tasks.

You won't lose your job or cause undue hardship if you rationally and kindly guard time for your highest priorities. If your workplace is unreasonable (I deeply sympathize), it may be time to polish your resume for a stealth job search.

Use Focused Time Blocks for Work Needing Concentration

Set aside blocks of time so you can work uninterrupted on projects or tasks that require your undivided attention. Schedule this continuous time on your calendar for 60–90-minute blocks, followed by short breaks.

It's essential that you schedule a time block and label it with the intended task to routinize the practice and make it as significant as other events in your day.

Start with one focused time block per day and build from there. Remove all distractions during these time blocks, including social media and emails. Put a sign on your door requesting no interruptions except in a dire emergency.

At home, ask your family to honor your opportunity to work, write, or paint, whatever your priority.

Eliminate Your Significant Energy Drainers

After setting priorities, boundaries, and time blocks, your next step is identifying the specific activities or distractions that drain your time, energy, and productivity.

Whether it's constant social media checks, multitasking, or unproductive meetings, commit to reducing or eliminating these by setting clear limits. For example, check email only twice a day. Meetings don't always need an hour; schedule 15 minutes with a strictly focused agenda.

Multitasking during downtime can drain your mental energy. If you're watching TV and spending time with your family, ensure you are fully present instead of checking your phone or responding to work emails.

If you replace just one energy-draining habit with a focused activity, you will immediately and positively affect your time and energy availability.

Concluding Thoughts

Valuing your time and energy is essential for a more fulfilled and productive life. By identifying your top priorities, setting clear boundaries, using focused time blocks, and eliminating energy drainers, you make time for what really matters to you.

Start small; stay consistent. You will reap significant benefits for your productivity, peace of mind, and overall sense of well-being.

Build Your ValuesCrafting Toolkit

Job Searching Resources

• Job searching is at the top of many people's minds these days. My friend, Matt Law, following his successful job search, posted this on LinkedIn, and I promised I’d post it here. Matt said, “Ask anyone experiencing it [job searching] firsthand and they'll tell you that the job market is really tight right now. The Never Search Alone book, process and community helped a ton. I was able to get a better sense of what I can bring to and what I was looking for in a role. It also helped manage the highs and lows of interviewing. It's worth checking out if you're looking for your next opportunity.”

• My friends Alison Doyle and Jen Hubley Luckwaldt edit another terrific resource for job seekers. Their publication rises above much of the drivel written about job searching to focus on what really matters in a successful job search. Take a look at The Job Hopper News “Are You Wasting Time Searching for Jobs in the Wrong Places?”

Valuing Your Time and Energy

• Tony Schwartz’s The Energy Project focuses on managing energy, not just time. It offers insights into balancing mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual power to achieve higher performance. Find “Six Ways to Refuel Your Energy Every Day.”

• James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, provides practical strategies for improving focus, managing time, and building better habits. He also offers 30 days of tips and articles such as “The Productivity Guide: Time Management Strategies That Work.”

• Another prolific podcaster, writer, and published author, David Allen’s GTD Connect (Getting Things Done), has helped thousands better understand how to prioritize effectively and focus on what matters most. For example, I like the simple sentiment found in “Getting Others to Change.”

12 Practical Ways to Show Respect at Work and at Home

Respect is a fundamental value in a healthy work and home environment. Treating people as if you highly regard them promotes collaboration, boosts productivity, and ensures that individuals feel valued for their abilities, qualities, and contributions.

If people feel they are treated with respect, they tend to respond by respectfully interacting with their coworkers, managers, family members, and random strangers.

Like trust, you know when the people you interact with respect you. They convey this respect in their interactions and responses. Keep in mind that we all have internal radar machines constantly scoping our environment and interactions, looking for something that is not quite right or off. Respect is one of the values we scan to find.

Employees who feel respected respond with responsible actions. Demonstrating respect strengthens relationships, builds trust, and fosters a positive culture where people are motivated to perform at their best.

What Does Respect Look Like in the Workplace?

At work, respect is about more than just kindness—although kindness is an excellent place to start. Respect involves recognizing other people's rights, skills, and perspectives—whether employees, coworkers, managers, or senior leaders.

It also requires fostering an environment where people feel safe sharing ideas, making mistakes, and contributing meaningfully.

Actionable Steps to Demonstrate Respect

Specific actions are recommended to create a respectful environment at work. These actions can also be applied outside of work with great results.

Treat people with courtesy, politeness, and kindness.

This includes your everyday interactions, such as responding positively to emails, starting meetings on time, and holding feedback sessions. How you treat and interact with people lays the foundation for your positive workplace culture.

Encourage people to express opinions and ideas.

You want to create a safe place where people feel psychologically comfortable speaking up in meetings or one-on-one conversations. For example, actively ask quieter team members for input during meetings or one-on-one discussions, ensuring everyone feels their voice matters.

Use employees' ideas to drive improvement. Give credit where it's due, and better yet, encourage the person to take charge of implementing their ideas. When an employee suggests a new process, let them pilot the implementation. Following through not only shows respect but empowers them to lead change.

Be aware of your non-verbal communication.

Your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions convey as much information as your words. Ensure they reflect the respect you intend to show even when you really think an idea is off the wall. What do you gain by belittling a person?

You have way more to lose—their commitment and excitement, for sure. When a person suggests an idea you think won’t work, keep your posture open and a neutral expression. Instead of dismissing it immediately, explore the idea collaboratively to preserve respect.

Listen actively before you speak.

Focus on understanding other people's points of view before responding. Avoid interrupting or dismissing ideas. Listening helps build trust and ensures everyone feels heard, which is essential for a respectful environment.

For example, when someone shares an idea or concern, pause to summarize what they’ve said before responding. This practice ensures they feel heard and respected.

Notice the nonverbal communication of the people you speak with.

Pay attention to their body language, eye contact, and facial expressions to gauge their level of comfort and engagement. People give you strong signals about how they perceive what you’re saying.

You can often see how your words impact their comfort level, feelings of well-being, and worthiness.

Include everyone.

Ensure no one is excluded from meetings, projects, or events. Inclusion helps prevent the marginalization of people and fosters a culture of collaboration and shared goals.

If hosting a meeting, for example, double-check that all relevant people are invited. Inclusion prevents anyone from feeling sidelined and reinforces that their role is valued.

Never insult or make disparaging remarks about another person.

Even under pressure, maintain professionalism. Avoid belittling or making harsh remarks about people's ideas or work. For example, instead of saying, “That’s a terrible idea,” consider, “Let’s think through the challenges of implementing this.” This critiques the idea without belittling the person. You encourage the person to speak up when you provide feedback to help the person learn and grow.

Praise more often than you criticize.

Recognize people's accomplishments and positive behavior frequently. Recognition boosts employee morale and encourages a culture of respect and mutual appreciation. Occasionally, ask yourself if you really need to point out a problem when most of the interactions are positive.

If an employee missed a deadline but previously delivered exceptional work, begin feedback by acknowledging their strengths before addressing the current issue. This keeps the focus constructive.

Provide constructive criticism; avoid nit-picking.

Provide feedback aimed at growth. Criticizing small, inconsequential matters can erode respect over time and can lead to bullying behaviors. You want to choose your battles and recognize what is important versus your preferred approach or a petty remark.

Focus on the most impactful areas for improvement. For example, saying, “Your presentation needed clearer objectives,” is more constructive than saying, “You used too many bullet points.”

Treat everyone equally.

Regardless of your degree of collegiality or familiarity, race, religion, gender, age, weight, or background, treat everyone with the same level of respect. A lack of equal treatment undermines your respectful, professional workplace.

Provide similar opportunities—such as mentorship or challenging assignments—to all team members, regardless of personal preferences or backgrounds.

Enforce policies and procedures consistently.

This allows you to create a fair and inclusive work environment where people know what to expect. This makes the workplace respectful of its members. Unequal treatment can lead to a hostile work environment or harassment claims.

For example, if you allow flexible work hours for one employee, ensure the same policy is communicated and available to everyone.

Implement the platinum rule.

According to my colleague and friend, C. Leslie Charles, you want to go beyond the golden rule—treat others not how you want to be treated but how they wish to be treated. Adapt your style to people's needs and preferences to show genuine respect for the individual.

For instance, if one employee prefers direct feedback while another is more receptive to encouragement, adapt your approach to suit each individual's preferences.

Respect in Action: HR, Helping Professional, and Management Tips

HR and other helping professionals and managers play an additional crucial role in modeling respect within an organization. Here's how to instill respect as a core workplace value.

Lead by example.

Show respect in all interactions—whether giving feedback, handling conflicts, or leading a meeting. If you consistently walk your talk, you establish an environment where respectful interaction is the expectation and the norm. Employees who want to succeed in this environment will follow your lead.

Train people to demonstrate respect.

Train people in effective communication, emotional intelligence, and conflict resolution. The training gives everyone the skills they need to interact respectfully and productively.

Encourage feedback.

Give employees the opportunity to provide feedback on your workplace culture. Use surveys, focus groups, discussion forums, and other safe ways to express ideas for improvement.

Tell them when their idea was implemented or considered. This will show them that their input is valued and considered in decision-making. By letting them know the impact they had, you will ensure that you receive more feedback.

Address disrespect immediately.

Don't let issues of disrespect fester. They won’t get better, and the ignored festering will ensure they eventually erupt unpleasantly. Address problems quickly and professionally to ensure a respectful and safe workplace for all people.

For example, you receive several reports that a manager is treating their reporting staff disrespectfully. You will want to tell the manager how their behavior is perceived with examples so that the manager can correct the offending behavior. Also, explore what made them believe their behavior was appropriate. Determine what they need to behave with respect in the future.

Why Respect Matters in Both Work and Life

Respect isn't just a nice-to-have—it's a foundational value that affects every aspect of personal and professional relationships. In the workplace, respect leads to higher engagement, better performance, and stronger teams.

Respect fosters love, trust, and harmony at home, helping family members feel connected and supported.

By practicing these actionable steps and encouraging others to do the same, you'll foster an environment—whether at work or home—where respect is the cornerstone of every interaction.

ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People

These curated resources provide perspectives on respect as a core value. Explore them to deepen your understanding and ability to demonstrate respect.

• Aretha Franklin is just looking for a little bit of respect. Watch the YouTube video (2 min. 30 sec.).

• What does it mean to show respect in the workplace? Is it calling your leaders, Mr. and Ms.? Or maybe listening without interrupting others or agreeing with your managers? This resource from “HubSpot” discusses how respectful environments lead to innovation and creativity. Check it out: Respect in the Workplace: Why It’s Important and How to Achieve It.

• This resource explores personal and professional ways to demonstrate respect. It focuses on empathy, intellectual humility, and gratitude routines to build stronger, more respectful relationships. See 15 Ways to Show Respect For Others (Professional & Personal) at the “Science of People.”

Essentials for New ValuesCrafting Readers

• What Exactly Are Core Values? Core values are traits, integrities, or qualities that are not just worthwhile. They represent an individual or an organization’s highest priorities, deeply held beliefs, and core, fundamental driving forces.

• 12 Deeply Held Beliefs: Explore the deeply held foundational values, beliefs, and principles that underlie the information and approaches recommended on ValuesCrafting and at SusanHeathfield.com.

• The ValuesCrafting Journey: This is the story behind ValuesCrafting and my journey with values-based living, writing, and consulting, especially for people in positions that influence the actions of other people.

Mastering Authenticity: Let Your True Self Shine Through

Authenticity is more than a popular term; it's the bedrock of meaningful relationships and impactful work. Aligning your actions, words, and values allows your true self to shine through, creating a ripple effect of trust and respect in all areas of your life.

Authenticity is an ongoing journey that requires regular reflection. Assessing whether your actions and words align with your core values ensures that you remain true to yourself.

10 Key Components of Authenticity

If you want to be authentic, you must understand the ten key components of living authentically. Let's explore these components in more detail with examples.

Self-Awareness

Authenticity requires self-awareness and an understanding of the core values you desire to express through your decisions and actions. It involves recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and being mindful of how your actions affect others.

For instance, if you’re aware that you tend to dominate conversations, you might consciously try to listen more during meetings, ensuring that others have the space to contribute. This mindfulness aligns with your values of respect and collaboration and fosters a more inclusive environment.

Consistency

Consistency is key to authenticity. You must align your values, words, and actions to make your decisions and interactions consistent. This consistency engenders trust, which is further strengthened by openness and transparency.

For example, a manager who values transparency regularly holds open forums where their team can share concerns. Their consistent actions—listening and providing honest feedback—reinforce their commitment to openness, build trust, and encourage more open communication within the team.

Openness and Transparency

Openness and transparency create trust. People know what you believe and what motivates you to act. This authenticity also requires vulnerability because when you share your true self, you leave yourself open to questioning and, potentially, criticism.

For instance, a leader might openly admit during a team meeting that a recent decision didn’t turn out as planned. The leader shows vulnerability by sharing the reasons behind the decision and acknowledging the mistake. This honesty may invite questions or criticism, but it also builds trust, as the team sees the leader as genuine and accountable.

Integrity

Integrity is another key component of authenticity. For people to believe you, integrity means being honest and trustworthy in all circumstances. You understand that lies can occur by omission as often as commission. People must see your actions as coming from an ethical base.

For instance, if you realize a mistake was made on a project, acknowledging it rather than covering it up demonstrates integrity. Your teammates will think of you as honest and trustworthy.

Genuineness and Sincerity

Genuineness and sincerity shine out in actions that come from your authentic self. People know when you have a hidden agenda or fail to express your true thoughts and feelings.

For example, if a colleague asks for your opinion on a new idea, instead of offering vague or overly positive feedback to avoid conflict, you share your honest thoughts with constructive suggestions. This sincerity helps the colleague improve and strengthens the trust and transparency in your relationship.

Empathy

Empathy underlies the actions of a person who is communicating authentically. You know the effect of your words and actions and care about how others feel. This approach ensures that those around you perceive you as empathetic and caring.

For example, when giving constructive feedback, an authentic person will take the time to consider how their words might impact the recipient and deliver the message with compassion and understanding, ensuring that the feedback is perceived as honest and supportive.

Accountability

Accountability in authentic behavior requires you to take responsibility for your decisions, actions, and results. You learn from them and continuously improve both personally and professionally.

For example, if a project you led didn’t meet expectations, rather than shifting blame to others, you openly acknowledge what went wrong, analyze the factors that contributed to the outcome, and take steps to improve future efforts. This approach demonstrates your commitment to growth and builds trust and respect among your team members.

Humility

Authentic people are humble because they know they don’t know everything. They understand their limitations and seek the input and contributions of others. They don’t do hail and hearty or offer false praise; they sincerely acknowledge the contributions of colleagues and friends.

For example, during a project review, a leader might recognize that a particular challenge was solved thanks to a team member’s expertise. Instead of taking credit or offering exaggerated praise, the leader sincerely thanks the team member responsible and highlights their specific contribution and impact on the project’s success.

Courage

Truly authentic behavior requires courage. Staying true to your values and beliefs is tough when others disagree with you, especially when you think a different opinion will undermine harmony or a good working relationship. The courage you demonstrate must be based on your core values and sense of purpose.

For instance, a team member might speak up during a group discussion to challenge an idea that goes against their ethical beliefs. Even though most of the group supports the idea, this person calmly explains their concerns and suggests an alternative approach that aligns with their values. This act of courage, despite potential pushback, demonstrates true authenticity by prioritizing integrity over conformity.

Building Connections

You build connections with family, friends, and colleagues when you authentically express your decisions, beliefs, and feelings. Communication that is accessible and relatable and avoids jargon or pretentiousness will also help people perceive that you speak with genuine warmth and understanding.

For example, imagine a family gathering where a sensitive topic arises, such as a disagreement about holiday plans. Instead of starting the conversation by saying you won’t attend, you share your feelings openly and honestly, explaining why a particular tradition is important to you. By speaking from your heart and in a way everyone can understand, you help foster a deeper connection and mutual respect within the family, ragardless of the outcome.

Conclusion

Exhibiting these ten key factors will build a foundation of trust, respect, and credibility and inspire others to do the same. In a world where authenticity is rare, your commitment to living authentically not only sets you apart but also creates a ripple effect, fostering more genuine connections and leading to greater fulfillment in both your personal and professional life.

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How to Build and Maintain Trust

Trust. You know when you feel it and notice when it's missing. But what exactly is trust, and how can you define it practically in your workplace? How do you nurture and grow the trust you have? Can you build trust where it's lacking? These are essential questions, especially in our rapidly changing world.

Trust is the foundation for effective communication, employee retention, motivation, and discretionary energy—that invaluable extra effort people willingly invest in their work. When trust thrives in an organization or relationship, almost everything becomes more accessible and achievable.

A Definition of Trust

When reading about trust, many definitions exist that purportedly describe it in understandable ways—but don't. Trust is a valuable and critical quality in building a relationship—personal and business relationships depend on it.

But what is trust, how can you build trust, and how can you be sure that you and those you work with are trustworthy?

A recent, comprehensive definition of trust in Psychology Today suggests it is a complex construct involving cognitive and emotional components. It's a complex process that includes a sense of confidence and security in the trustworthiness of others, not just predicting their behavior. Trust is context-specific, combining rational assessments and emotional responses.

In Psychology Today, Paul Thagard, Ph. D., points out that mistrust isn't just about predicting negative behavior; it's an emotional response involving dislike and fear that affects how we perceive others.

He says, "Mistrust is an emotional process that goes far beyond the estimation of low probabilities about people doing what they are supposed to. It also requires representation of the self, the person mistrusted, and the relevant aspect, but it differs from trust in assigning negative emotions akin to dislike and fear."

The Three Constructs of Trust

Duane C. Tway, Jr., Ph.D., outlines three constructs of trust:

1. Capacity for trusting: You need life experiences to develop trust. If your parents and teachers were untrustworthy, you might have a low capacity for trust—no one else has been trustworthy, so why should you trust this business partner?

2. Perception of competence: A person can be honest, but you cannot trust them if they are incompetent. Likewise, it would help if you could do the work at hand. To experience trust, you must trust that a person can do the job effectively.

3. Perception of intentions: How do people perceive your actions, words, direction, and mission? Are they self-serving, or do they benefit everyone involved? Trust is unlikely if others see you as self-serving.

Why Trust Is Critical in a Healthy Organization

Would you go to work every day if you were wondering if you'd get paid on time? Would you hire someone if you doubted they'd show up for work? Trust is foundational for success. You need to trust the people within your organization to be successful so that you can experience success, too.

This is why bullying wreaks havoc in a company; you can't trust a bully's intentions and that what they say to you is true. A lack of trust creates a miserable environment.

Micromanagers operate with low levels of trust. They do not believe their employees can accomplish anything without checking on them frequently and giving guidance. Under micromanagement, employees quickly become miserable.

The critical component in all these issues is trust.

Even in trustworthy organizations, misunderstandings or mistakes can erode trust. For instance, if an employee misinterprets a communication or a customer order is misplaced, trust can falter—even without dishonest intentions. And if a business owner files for bankruptcy, it raises questions: Is this action a lack of trustworthiness or just bad luck?

Intrigued? Discover the key factors that can undermine trust and learn about the vital role leaders play in building and maintaining trust. Don’t miss out—read the full article on the ValuesCrafting site.

ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People

These curated resources provide valuable perspectives on authenticity, helping you understand its critical role in leadership and relationships. Explore them to deepen your understanding and application of this fundamental value.

Check out this 10-question test from Psychologies, UK. Do you know how to be authentic? It takes around five minutes, and the analysis of the two me’s I tested is interesting. In one, I exhibited a lack of empathy. In the other, I demonstrated a tendency for inhibition.

People who strive to be authentic and are willing to invest the mental evaluation time to see themselves are key to others seeing them as authentic. Authenticity is a multi-faceted concept that requires ongoing attention and self-awareness. Psychology Today provides a good overview of what you need to know to be authentic.

Finding your authentic self at any age, later, is better, and a few techniques for getting past feelings like envy are themes in Bevy Smith’s 2022 TED Talk. How to discover your authentic self is wry, funny, and from her heart. Listen to her journey from fashion executive to radio and TV host, public speaker, and author.

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Authenticity is more than a popular term; it's the bedrock of meaningful relationships and impactful work. Aligning your actions, words, and values allows your true self to shine through, creating a ripple effect of trust and respect in all areas of your life.

Authenticity is an ongoing journey that requires regular reflection. Assessing whether your actions and words align with your core values ensures that you remain true to yourself.

10 Key Components of Authenticity

If you want to be authentic, you must understand the ten key components of living authentically. Let's explore these components in more detail with examples.

Self-Awareness

Authenticity requires self-awareness and an understanding of the core values you desire to express through your decisions and actions. It involves recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and being mindful of how your actions affect others.

For instance, if you’re aware that you tend to dominate conversations, you might consciously try to listen more during meetings, ensuring that others have the space to contribute. This mindfulness aligns with your values of respect and collaboration and fosters a more inclusive environment.

Consistency

Consistency is key to authenticity. You must align your values, words, and actions to make your decisions and interactions consistent. This consistency engenders trust, which is further strengthened by openness and transparency.

For example, a manager who values transparency regularly holds open forums where their team can share concerns. Their consistent actions—listening and providing honest feedback—reinforce their commitment to openness, build trust, and encourage more open communication within the team.

Openness and Transparency

Openness and transparency create trust. People know what you believe and what motivates you to act. This authenticity also requires vulnerability because when you share your true self, you leave yourself open to questioning and, potentially, criticism.

For instance, a leader might openly admit during a team meeting that a recent decision didn’t turn out as planned. The leader shows vulnerability by sharing the reasons behind the decision and acknowledging the mistake. This honesty may invite questions or criticism, but it also builds trust, as the team sees the leader as genuine and accountable.

Integrity

Integrity is another key component of authenticity. For people to believe you, integrity means being honest and trustworthy in all circumstances. You understand that lies can occur by omission as often as commission. People must see your actions as coming from an ethical base.

For instance, if you realize a mistake was made on a project, acknowledging it rather than covering it up demonstrates integrity. Your teammates will think of you as honest and trustworthy.

Genuineness and Sincerity

Genuineness and sincerity shine out in actions that come from your authentic self. People know when you have a hidden agenda or fail to express your true thoughts and feelings.

For example, if a colleague asks for your opinion on a new idea, instead of offering vague or overly positive feedback to avoid conflict, you share your honest thoughts with constructive suggestions. This sincerity helps the colleague improve and strengthens the trust and transparency in your relationship.

Empathy

Empathy underlies the actions of a person who communicates authentically. You know the effect of your words and actions and care about how others feel. This approach ensures that those around you perceive you as empathetic and caring.

For example, when giving constructive feedback, an authentic person will take the time to consider how their words might impact the recipient and deliver the message with compassion and understanding, ensuring that the feedback is perceived as honest and supportive.

Accountability

Accountability in authentic behavior requires you to take responsibility for your decisions, actions, and results. You learn from them and continuously improve both personally and professionally.

For example, if a project you led didn’t meet expectations, rather than shifting blame to others, you openly acknowledge what went wrong, analyze the factors that contributed to the outcome, and take steps to improve future efforts. This approach demonstrates your commitment to growth and builds trust and respect among your team members.

Humility

Authentic people are humble because they know they don’t know everything. They understand their limitations and seek the input and contributions of others. They don’t do hail and hearty or offer false praise; they sincerely acknowledge the contributions of colleagues and friends.

For example, during a project review, a leader might recognize that a particular challenge was solved thanks to a team member’s expertise. Instead of taking credit or offering exaggerated praise, the leader sincerely thanks the team member responsible and highlights their specific contribution and impact on the project’s success.

Courage

Truly authentic behavior requires courage. Staying true to your values and beliefs is tough when others disagree with you, especially when you think a different opinion will undermine harmony or a good working relationship. The courage you demonstrate must be based on your core values and sense of purpose.

For instance, a team member might speak up during a group discussion to challenge an idea that goes against their ethical beliefs. Even though most of the group supports the idea, this person calmly explains their concerns and suggests an alternative approach that aligns with their values. This act of courage, despite potential pushback, demonstrates true authenticity by prioritizing integrity over conformity.

Building Connections

You build connections with family, friends, and colleagues when you authentically express your decisions, beliefs, and feelings. Communication that is accessible and relatable and avoids jargon or pretentiousness will also help people perceive that you speak with genuine warmth and understanding.

For example, imagine a family gathering where a sensitive topic arises, such as a disagreement about holiday plans. Instead of starting the conversation by saying you won’t attend, you share your feelings openly and honestly, explaining why a particular tradition is important to you. By speaking from your heart and in a way everyone can understand, you help foster a deeper connection and mutual respect within the family, regardless of the outcome.

Conclusion

Exhibiting these ten key factors will build a foundation of trust, respect, and credibility and inspire others to do the same. In a world where authenticity is rare, your commitment to living authentically not only sets you apart but also creates a ripple effect, fostering more genuine connections and leading to greater fulfillment in both your personal and professional life.

Share

Want to build a reputation for integrity? It's all about aligning your actions with your values, no matter where you are or what you are doing. Understanding how to display integrity in your everyday actions at home and work is critical.

Integrity is the quality of having strong ethical principles that are consistently followed, even when no one is watching. Central to integrity are honesty, trustworthiness, and consistency in actions and words.

Integrity means being self-aware, accountable, responsible, truthful, and demonstrating internally consistent actions. People who have integrity display these characteristics.

• Act from a strong moral compass: Integrity starts with clear ethical principles guiding your decisions. What truly matters to you? Honesty? Fairness? Reliability? Define your core values and let them be your guiding principles.

• Walk the walk: Integrity is about aligning your beliefs with your behavior in good times and bad. Honesty and commitment are cornerstones of integrity. This means being truthful even when faced with difficult situations at work. It also means keeping your promises, no matter the inconvenience. Similarly, integrity shines through your actions at home when you follow through on your commitments to family and friends.

  Consistency is key: People trust those who are predictable in their behavior. They value their feeling of safety when they know exactly what to expect. Don't be the person who says one thing and does another. Upholding your values consistently builds trust and respect from family, friends, and coworkers. In contrast, failing to follow through on commitments can damage how others perceive your reliability and erode faith and trust.

By following these principles, you can build integrity in all aspects of your life and become known for your honesty, reliability, and strong moral character.

Examples of Integrity in Action

People who demonstrate integrity draw others to them because they are trustworthy and dependable. They are principled employees, and you can count on them to behave honorably.

Investor extraordinaire Warren Buffet once said, “You’re looking for three things, generally, in a person: intelligence, energy, and integrity. And if they don’t have the last one, don’t even bother with the first two.”

Here are examples of integrity in action so you can recognize this vital character trait in employees and coworkers. People can reflect different facets of integrity in the workplace.

Honesty

A software developer attempts to optimize a specific process but encounters problems because of his code. He could push forward with his suboptimal code to save his work and his face with coworkers.

But instead, he demonstrated integrity and chose to go to his team. He described the dead ends he had run into and explained that he thought pushing forward could create future problems for the product. His dead ends might prevent the development of advanced features for the software.

The team discussed the problem and worked through a solution. John scrapped all his code and started from scratch with the team’s input. Thanks to his honesty, his new solution allowed the team to expand the product’s capabilities quickly in the future.

Accountability

An employee produced a report once a week that was used on Friday by two other departments to plan their workflow for the next week. Knowing she planned to take a vacation soon, she ensured the report would be produced as needed in her absence. 

The employee taught another person how to create the report. Additionally, she wrote out the appropriate procedures so that the coworker had a guide in her absence. Marsha supervised the trainee for two weeks so that her replacement had a chance to do the actual task.

Finally, she touched base with the other two departments to let them know that a new person would create their report while she was gone in case the coworker needed help.

Responsibility

A team missed a deadline for an essential deliverable from their team. The leader took personal responsibility for the missed deadline rather than throwing the team members under the bus. They then addressed the problems as a team and implemented safeguards to keep them from underperforming again.

Team members recognized their contribution to the failure, but because their leader took responsibility as a team leader, the team learned from their mistakes.

Dependability

A parent was responsible for picking the children up from school after work three days a week. Rather than expecting teammates to accommodate the schedule automatically, the employee took responsibility for informing each teammate about this commitment.

The employee went out of the way to make scheduling meetings and deadlines easy for the team. The employee communicated effectively with the team members and avoided hard feelings and distrust by their openness and honesty.

Why Integrity Is Critical at Home and in the Workplace

People can demonstrate their integrity—or lack thereof—daily through actions with each other, their families, and customers or clients. If you haven't hired the right people, a lack of integrity will be evident in their behavior.

A workforce comprised of people with integrity is one where you can trust people to perform to the best of their ability. They don't compromise on their ideals, cut corners, cheat, or lie. They behave according to an internally consistent code of values and a solid, agreed-upon moral compass.

Integrity can strengthen relationships with vendors and customers because they can trust you'll keep your promises and act honorably if something goes wrong.

Plan to discuss integrity's meaning in your workplace and home regularly. Looking at dilemmas faced by individuals dedicated to acting with integrity gives your employees a chance to learn your expectations. It also helps develop a culture of integrity in the workplace.

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Demonstrate Integrity Through Your Actions

Want to build a reputation for integrity? It's all about aligning your actions with your values, no matter where you are or what you are doing. Understanding how to display integrity in your everyday actions at home and work is critical.

Integrity is the quality of having strong ethical principles that are consistently followed, even when no one is watching. Central to integrity are honesty, trustworthiness, and consistency in actions and words.

Integrity means being self-aware, accountable, responsible, truthful, and demonstrating internally consistent actions. People who have integrity display these characteristics.

• Act from a strong moral compass: Integrity starts with clear ethical principles guiding your decisions. What truly matters to you? Honesty? Fairness? Reliability? Define your core values and let them be your guiding principles.

• Walk the walk: Integrity is about aligning your beliefs with your behavior in good times and bad. Honesty and commitment are cornerstones of integrity. This means being truthful even when faced with difficult situations at work. It also means keeping your promises, no matter the inconvenience. Similarly, integrity shines through your actions at home when you follow through on your commitments to family and friends.

  Consistency is key: People trust those who are predictable in their behavior. They value their feeling of safety when they know exactly what to expect. Don't be the person who says one thing and does another. Upholding your values consistently builds trust and respect from family, friends, and coworkers. In contrast, failing to follow through on commitments can damage how others perceive your reliability and erode faith and trust.

By following these principles, you can build integrity in all aspects of your life and become known for your honesty, reliability, and strong moral character.

Examples of Integrity in Action

People who demonstrate integrity draw others to them because they are trustworthy and dependable. They are principled employees, and you can count on them to behave honorably.

Investor extraordinaire Warren Buffet once said, “You’re looking for three things, generally, in a person: intelligence, energy, and integrity. And if they don’t have the last one, don’t even bother with the first two.”

Here are examples of integrity in action so you can recognize this vital character trait in employees and coworkers. People can reflect different facets of integrity in the workplace.

Honesty

A software developer attempts to optimize a specific process but encounters problems because of his code. He could push forward with his suboptimal code to save his work and his face with coworkers.

But instead, he demonstrated integrity and chose to go to his team. He described the dead ends he had run into and explained that he thought pushing forward could create future problems for the product. His dead ends might prevent the development of advanced features for the software.

The team discussed the problem and worked through a solution. John scrapped all his code and started from scratch with the team’s input. Thanks to his honesty, his new solution allowed the team to expand the product’s capabilities quickly in the future.

Accountability

An employee produced a report once a week that was used on Friday by two other departments to plan their workflow for the next week. Knowing she planned to take a vacation soon, she ensured the report would be produced as needed in her absence. 

The employee taught another person how to create the report. Additionally, she wrote out the appropriate procedures so that the coworker had a guide in her absence. Marsha supervised the trainee for two weeks so that her replacement had a chance to do the actual task.

Finally, she touched base with the other two departments to let them know that a new person would create their report while she was gone in case the coworker needed help.

Responsibility

A team missed a deadline for an essential deliverable from their team. The leader took personal responsibility for the missed deadline rather than throwing the team members under the bus. They then addressed the problems as a team and implemented safeguards to keep them from underperforming again.

Team members recognized their contribution to the failure, but because their leader took responsibility as a team leader, the team learned from their mistakes.

Dependability

A parent was responsible for picking the children up from school after work three days a week. Rather than expecting teammates to accommodate the schedule automatically, the employee took responsibility for informing each teammate about this commitment.

The employee went out of the way to make scheduling meetings and deadlines easy for the team. The employee communicated effectively with the team members and avoided hard feelings and distrust by their openness and honesty.

Why Integrity Is Critical at Home and in the Workplace

People can demonstrate their integrity—or lack thereof—daily through actions with each other, their families, and customers or clients. If you haven't hired the right people, a lack of integrity will be evident in their behavior.

A workforce comprised of people with integrity is one where you can trust people to perform to the best of their ability. They don't compromise on their ideals, cut corners, cheat, or lie. They behave according to an internally consistent code of values and a solid, agreed-upon moral compass.

Integrity can strengthen relationships with vendors and customers because they can trust you'll keep your promises and act honorably if something goes wrong.

Plan to discuss integrity's meaning in your workplace and home regularly. Looking at dilemmas faced by individuals dedicated to acting with integrity gives your employees a chance to learn your expectations. It also helps develop a culture of integrity in the workplace.

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Lapses in Integrity—Why They Matter

Integrity is a crucial life value, but what does acting with integrity mean? While many people believe everyone knows right from wrong, the reality is more complex. People often disagree on what constitutes right and wrong. That's why integrity and business ethics are constantly debated, from news headlines to casual office conversations.

Common sense, often considered a driver of integrity, is not as universal as you might hope. What seems evident to you might be a gray area for someone else. Reaching an ethical consensus can be a challenge.

As a result, acting with integrity in business doesn't come naturally to everyone. Building a solid foundation of integrity often requires actively teaching and reinforcing ethical practices in everyday work. People need real-life examples of integrity in action.

And, as our world becomes increasingly complex, finding the correct answer that satisfies most stakeholders—employees, customers, potential employees, shareholders, and board members—often requires a balanced approach.

When you operate globally, people in other countries may have different ideas about what is essential for integrity and ethical practices. Countries have varying ethical and social norms, making navigating these complexities with integrity even more crucial.

Integrity Challenges at Work

People walk a tightrope when it comes to ethical choices in the workplace. While running a quick personal errand during a break might seem harmless, what about using company resources for an individual project or filing fudged expense reports? The line between harmless and harmful can be blurry.

Do people consider whether their choices are ethical?  An individual might think, I work hard, so spending an hour on personal business online is okay. Or, I'm underpaid, so it's OK if I fill in my time card to get a bit of overtime pay. They may not consider these choices wrong, as they can justify why they do what they do.

Think about these scenarios that happen in organizations every day. These scenarios demonstrate a range of integrity levels, from minor ethical breaches to serious misconduct, each of which can impact the trust and functionality within an organization.

Consider these ten challenges to integrity.

• An employee surfs the web to shop for personal items during company time.

• A plant manager decides to ship a product to a customer even though they know the parts have a quality problem because the problem doesn't affect the part function, and the customer probably won't notice.

• A manager shares personal information an employee confided with other employees. They rationalize that the other employees will be more sympathetic to the employee’s problems.

• An individual spends several hours a week on their iPhone talking with their children, associated caregivers, schools, and friends.

• A salesman marks parts as sold in the company database, thus depriving others of the ability to sell the parts, even though their sale is uncertain.

• A manager shares essential company information with a competitor for potential gain.

• A store manager misrepresents the quality or functionality of an advertised sale item.

• An employee uses the last of a toilet paper roll in a bathroom cubicle and leaves without replacing it for the next person.

• An employee takes office supplies home to stock their home office.

• A finance officer accounts questionably for purchases and expenditures.

Every business encounters these situations and similar ones. You need to make sure your business standards are clear.

Integrity Challenges in Life

Breaches of integrity can also occur in your personal life, affecting relationships, trust, and your personal growth. Here are ten examples of how integrity can be compromised outside of a professional setting. You may not have considered them in terms of demonstrating integrity, but integrity is inherent in each one.

• You get home from the grocery and discover you haven’t been charged for a steak. You decide to keep it because the store won’t notice anyway.

• You engage in a secret, online relationship with someone, not your spouse or partner.

• You promised to help a friend by watering their houseplants while they were on vacation. You skip a watering by rationalizing that the plants will be fine if you miss just once.

• You realize the cashier has given you an incorrect amount of change in your favor when you purchase an item, and you decide no one will ever know and keep it.

• You wake up late for work and call in, telling your manager that your baby is sick and you need the rest of the morning off to deal with the situation.

• A friend shares confidential information with you, and you break their trust by gossiping about it with others.

• You work in a hybrid workplace, where the expectation is that you will work 40 hours from anywhere. You find other things to do several days a week, thus shortening the time you spend on work for your employer.

• A part of your lunch spills on a lunchroom table. Rather than wiping it up so the next person has a clean lunch space, you decide the janitor will get it in their nightly cleaning.

• You tell a friend you can’t come over for dinner because you have plans for the evening when you just don’t want to go.

• You commit to completing a project but find twenty reasons to justify not following through.

So, before you relegate the subject of integrity to the touchy-feely, head-in-the-clouds worlds of philosophy, religion, or academia, consider the potential positive impact on your organization of addressing integrity as a personal and business essential.

Conclusion About Integrity

While often viewed as a lofty ideal, integrity is deeply practical and essential in both professional and personal realms. It influences trust, reputation, relationships, and overall functionality in your life and organization.

By acknowledging the complexities of ethical behavior and actively promoting a culture of integrity, organizations can navigate challenges more effectively. This will ensure long-term success and a positive work environment.

ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People

• People with integrity are trustworthy, contributing family or team members. In this article, you’ll find characteristics of a person with integrity, examples of integrity in action at home and work, and how you can make conscious choices to act ethically. Add to your knowledge about integrity at Indeed.com.

• Integrity has three distinct characteristics. It starts with a fundamental moral code you likely learned from your parents. The second issue discussed is why a group must share this ethical code. Find out more about the morality-based societal approach to ethical behavior and integrity from William Biagini's writing on FSUNews.com. He asks, “Why is it important for a society to have integrity?”

• As much as we favor a home and work life based on ethics, honesty, and doing the right thing, many societal factors affect whether people experience success by living this value. Matt Steinhausen says, “The reason so many people preach the importance of integrity is because it's not popular to speak ill of truth, honesty, and values, and also because society as a whole doesn't want to accept the fact that truth and fairness are no longer important to success.” You’ll find this alternate view both refreshing—and very sad at LinkedIn.com.

• Robert Chestnut, the author of Intentional Integrity: How Smart Companies Can Lead an Ethical Revolution and Why That’s Good for All of Us, says, “Integrity can be a superpower that inspires employees and resonates with today’s values-minded consumers.” In The Harvard Business Review, he recommends six practices organizational leaders must incorporate if integrity is to flourish in their workplace. (unlocked link)

• This “Integrity and Work Ethics Test” from Psychology Today is based on a traditional workplace and may not reflect the realm of a knowledge worker. It’s worth taking if you are interested in a snapshot of your ethical standing and noting more workplace integrity dilemmas. The full report costs $6.95. Answering the questions took 15 minutes.

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June 26, 2024

Welcome to the second issue of ValuesCrafting. We're happy to have you join our community of individuals passionate about living up to their values.  

Do you ever feel as if a gap exists between your core values and your daily actions? We've all been there. That's why we created this newsletter.  

We'll share practical strategies to help you bridge that gap and empower yourself to live a more fulfilling life aligned with what truly matters to you.   In this issue, you'll discover guidelines for using empathy in how you treat yourself and others. 

The first article addresses empathy as a much-needed value. Empathy is the core value emphasized when dealing with personal or professional burnout. You’ll find the causes and tips for addressing the issue of burnout empathetically.As always, curated resources round out the issue. 

If you find value in this newsletter, please share it with friends and colleagues. We’d love to reach more people with our message.

We truly appreciate your interest.  

Warmly, Susan

Are you interested in enhancing your understanding of others' feelings and emotions? The concept of empathy can be a valuable tool in this pursuit. Chances are, you've already encountered empathy in your personal and professional interactions, even though empathy means something different from person to person.

Empathy is a skill that comes naturally to some people and requires practice for others. But it is crucial in our interactions with family, friends, and colleagues. It’s important to note that empathy is not a measure of morality, so there's no need to worry if you don’t immediately understand the emotions of those around you.

Sara Konrath, PhD, an associate professor of philanthropic studies at the Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, was asked whether empathy exists because of nature or nurture.

She responded that empathy has a genetic component. However, “parenting, schools, community, environment, and culture can influence empathy as well. The context matters, along with genetics.”

Empathy in the Workplace

A recent State of Workplace Empathy Study by Businessolver revealed a concerning trend. It found persistent empathy gaps over nine years in the level of empathy in the workplace.

The study's findings suggest that while we may value empathy, we often fail to implement it, leading to significant empathy gaps. 55% of CEOs and 50% of employees reported mental health issues in the past year, and 63% of CEOs said it’s hard to demonstrate empathy in their daily lives.

Empathy in the workplace can make life better for everyone. Here are four ways to develop empathy in yourself.

4 Ways to Build Empathy in Yourself to Improve Your Workplace 

Psychologist Marcia Reynolds provides a useful framework for understanding what empathy is. She recommends four ways to build empathy:

1.    Be quiet, inside and out.

2.    Fully watch as well as listen.

3.    Ask yourself what you are feeling.

4.    Test your instinct.

Here’s how to apply her recommendations in your workplace and at home.

Be Quiet, Inside and Out

If your brain is constantly going, it’s hard to stop and see and feel what is happening around you in the workplace or at home. Often, when things get busy and you get stressed, you can forget to pay attention to your own feelings, let alone the feelings of others.

Part of this is that people work way too many hours. Why is that? Because being busy and having a “loud” brain can drown out your true feelings—that your families, friends, and life outside of work are more important than your job.

The more you can apply your emotional intelligence in your interactions at work, the more you will develop sensitivity to what the other person is feeling. You can learn to listen to what they say—and what they’re not saying.

So, every day, stop and take time to breathe deeply. Take a walk at lunch or after work to clear your head. Quiet time helps you figure out what you think and feel. Taking a few deep breaths will also help close down your racing brain. Many find that time spent in meditation, prayer, or self-reflection helps develop a quieter, more sensitive, and aware brain.

Fully Watch as Well as Listen

Listening isn’t just hearing words but seeking to understand the other person's emotions. Watching is also critical to building your ability to empathize with others. Body language and other nonverbal communication can often tell you more about what people think and feel than their words can. Become a close observer.

To build empathy in the workplace, you need to see your co-workers, managers, and direct reports to help you understand their feelings. When you all work in the same place, that is easy.

You can tell that Jane is going through a rough time because she’s walking around hunched over and keeping to herself. She normally walks straight and says hi to everyone she passes. You can tell that Steve is on cloud nine because he’s practically skipping down the hall.

But how do you build empathy in the workplace if everyone is working from home or your team is spread out across several sites? This often happens in a hybrid company or a remote workplace. You need empathy towards the people at your site and the people you may see irregularly.

Video conferencing instead of teleconferencing can help you watch and listen to your colleagues. Some people resist the idea of video conferencing because they don’t feel comfortable on camera. That’s understandable, but overcoming the discomfort can help everyone understand each other better. You can see how your colleagues or family members are doing.

Your tone of voice is also critical. Speaking directly with your team instead of communicating almost exclusively by email, text, Slack, or other messaging services can help you build empathy. This is because you understand what your co-worker thinks and feels. Or at least you understand their feelings a bit better.

Ask Yourself What You Are Feeling

Wait, wasn’t this about building empathy towards others? Yes, but you need to understand your feelings if you want to understand the feelings of others.

You might consider keeping an emotional inventory for a few weeks. Sit down several times a day and chart your activity, the day and time, and the emotion you are feeling.

When you stop and think, “How am I feeling right after I got a new, huge assignment?” and the answer is “excited and overwhelmed,” you can apply that to others around you.

“Jane just got the new project that will take up every waking moment for six months. She must feel overwhelmed with all the work, and she might be excited if she thinks this will help her towards a promotion.”

When you know that you’ll feel overwhelmed by a new challenge, you can make a good guess that another person is feeling overwhelmed in the same situation. This emotional inventory approach can help increase your skill if you have difficulty evaluating your feelings.

As you become more adept at understanding your own feelings, you’ll become better at understanding the feelings of the people around you.

Remember that not everyone experiences the same feelings about the same issues as you do, so act on this information carefully.

Test Your Instinct to Become Empathetic

There’s a reason this is step four and not step one. You don’t want to walk up to people and say, “Hey, I bet you’re angry at your low raise.” That remark will not go over well.

You need to take care by testing your instinct—but do start. Remember the earlier example of Jane receiving a new, labor-intensive project. You’ve examined your feelings after getting a similar assignment, and you felt overwhelmed and excited about it. You want to test whether Jane is feeling the same way. Consider the following:

• Why do you need to know how he or she is feeling? If it’s just nosiness, forget it. But, if you work near Jane, have insights into her project, and are already good friends, checking in with her will help you support her.

• What will you do with this knowledge? If it’s just a fist pump of “Hey, I am totally nailing this empathy thing,” it’s silly. But knowing is important if you want to do the right thing for Jane.

• If you’re wrong, finding out early can help you support her, too. After all, you may see this project as a stepping stone, but Jane may see it as a burden keeping her from accomplishing her real goals.

With these things in mind, you can approach Jane, “Wow, Jane, I just heard you got the new Acme project. That’s huge. I would feel overwhelmed by that but also excited about the growth opportunities. How are you feeling?”

Note that you are not saying, “Wow. You must be simultaneously excited and overwhelmed!” You are telling her your feelings and waiting for her to tell you hers. She may or may not feel like sharing or know exactly how she feels.

Regardless of her answer, you are there to support your coworker. If she responds that she is excited and overwhelmed, congratulate her on her next step up the career ladder and offer her any help you can give.

If she says, “Nah, I did a project almost exactly like this at my last job. This will be a piece of cake,” then say, "No wonder you were chosen for this project, Jane. Your experience sounds incredibly relevant. Perhaps we can look together and see if we can learn anything from your previous project that can inform our approach here."

If she bursts into tears and says, “This is the wrong direction for my career. It will take too much time away from my family.” Or, if she sees it as a punishment for her bad sales figures last quarter, you have to exhibit empathy and stick around to talk with her.

You can’t push people to open up about their feelings and run when they do. That behavior makes for a less pleasant, empathetic workplace.

The Bottom Line

When you use empathy in the workplace, you can better understand your coworkers. This means that you can function better as a team. And that’s great for any business.

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Tips for Empathetically Dealing with Burnout

People Can Experience Burnout at Work or Home

Want a workplace culture that is empathetic for employees? Employers must experience and demonstrate empathy toward their employees. Valuing your workforce's mental health and overall well-being is foundational in any values-based workplace culture.

At the same time, individuals are responsible for recognizing their mental health needs. Self-empathy is a compassionate approach to nurturing personal well-being at work and home.

• Employers: Companies must prioritize employee well-being and create a work culture that fosters positive mental health. This means showing empathy by understanding your employees’ needs and developing supportive policies such as working from home or a hybrid workplace.

• Individuals: Taking care of yourself is key. The first step is to recognize your need for mental well-being and treat yourself empathetically. By prioritizing your mental health, you'll be better equipped to handle stress at work or home and contribute your best.

This dual strategy of employer support and individual self-care establishes a mutually beneficial situation for all involved.

Why Is Burnout Increasing?

The current work environment exacerbates the need for safety to secure comfort and the search for emotional positivity.  Employee burnout is on the rise for a few reasons:.

The lack of work-life boundaries: Technology shackles people to work 24/7. The constant pressure to be available blurs the line between work and personal life, leaving you feeling drained.

Heavy workloads: Feeling overloaded with tasks and tight deadlines is a recipe for stress. Many people struggle to keep up with work and home commitments, leading to constant pressure and exhaustion.

Lack of control: Powerlessness over your workload, projects, or schedule breeds helplessness and frustration. This lack of control intensifies the pressure, leading to burnout.

Unclear expectations: Unclear goals or ever-shifting priorities make it difficult to focus and achieve a sense of accomplishment. This ambiguity fuels confusion and demotivation.

Political and values-based differences:  These concerns are polarizing people and making discussions about real issues difficult if not impossible.

Lack of recognition: Feeling undervalued for your contributions is demotivating. When your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated, burnout becomes a significant threat. When you fulfill your family’s expectations without a word of appreciation, the lack of empathy leaves you feeling weary.

These factors combine to create a perfect storm for personal or work burnout. Addressing these issues, you and your workplace can foster a healthier and more productive environment.

How Can Individuals Address the Issue of Burnout Effectively?

Everyone in the workforce (or at home, for that matter) can experience burnout. It can range from simply not enjoying your job to feeling completely overwhelmed by the quest for work-life balance.

Leaving your job or home might not be an option, so people need strategies to manage burnout. While the root causes often lie within the work environment, people can build resilience against burnout and maintain a fulfilling career by taking proactive steps and prioritizing well-being.

Remember that tackling burnout is a collaborative effort if you are an employer. While people can take charge of their well-being, a supportive work environment that demonstrates empathy for an individual’s circumstances is crucial for long-term success.

Explore these seven tips for handling burnout.

Direct your attention to the aspects of your life you can influence.

Sure, not all aspects of your job and life are controllable, but many components are your choice. Instead of focusing on feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself questions throughout the day, such as, are you checking email 24/7? Yes? Then, stop. Resist the pressure to be constantly available.

You need to enforce work-life boundaries for positive mental health and personal empathy. Disconnect during off-work hours and resist the pressure to be constantly available. Protect your personal time for relaxation and rejuvenation.

Do you need to attend the next Zoom meeting? What will happen if you skip it? Yes, your phone is ringing, but do you want to interrupt your focus on a project to answer it? Take charge of the factors in your work life that you can control, essentially a choice, to overcome your feelings of burnout.

Is taking your kids to practice every afternoon the best use of your time, or can you carpool with other parents and do the pick-up one day a week? Ensure you spend an hour doing something you love several times a week.

Communicate openly with your manager.

Discuss workload concerns with your manager. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and seek adjustments to deadlines or project scope.

You can also talk with your manager as soon as possible when you experience the symptoms of burnout and ask to take a break—not a five-minute break or a couple of days off at home. For self-empathy, you need a complete and total cut-off from work—you need a vacation.

This is how you can ask to increase your chances of achieving a positive outcome. Explain to your manager why you need time off without whining or becoming emotional. Use a rational approach when you lay out all of the reasons why you need to take a break. Emphasize how you will be an even better employee when you return refreshed.

Ideally, ask for at least two weeks with zero office contact, and don’t make yourself available for calls. Don’t check your emails. If possible, go somewhere the opposite of daily work and home life and do whatever makes you genuinely happy. Whether that’s lying on a beach drinking cocktails, climbing mountains, or white water rafting with the family, please do it.

Ask for or create a change.

People can experience burnout from overwork, repetitive tasks, or working with the same few clients for months. Identify tasks that drain your energy and discuss them with your manager. Look for ways to delegate, streamline, or find efficiencies. As the old saying goes, “A change is as good as a rest,” so talk to your manager about taking on different responsibilities.

Will your manager assign you to a different job? Can you work with clients who require you to leave the office more often for meetings and events? Perhaps you can swap accounts with someone else who is also feeling worn out with the same.

Perhaps you always rent a cottage on a lake for summer vacation and love this ritual time away. Consider asking to work remotely and stay a couple more weeks. If making dinner has become a drag, find ways to eat healthy that save time, like a chicken pot pie from a superstore or pizza and salad from a local pizzeria.

Find ways to release your energy.

Burnout can build, leading to a pressure cooker of stress. If you don’t open that release valve occasionally, you will explode. Perhaps not literally, but you’ll crack emotionally, have outbursts, or maybe do something that could hurt your career or family.

Generally, physical activity is ideal for stress release. For some people, it’s doing CrossFit or martial arts. For others, it’s paintball battles, soccer, pickleball, or bowling. Many people enjoy video games, while others prefer a shooting range or a dozen laps in the pool.

How you release your aggression and frustration is not important as long as the act is not harmful to yourself or others. What matters is that you find a way to let off steam. Physical involvement is crucial in battling employee burnout.

Prioritize empathetic self-care.

Maintain a healthy work-life balance. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, and schedule regular breaks for exercise and stress management techniques.

When stressed, people look for ways to soothe and comfort themselves. For many, that involves eating comfort foods, drinking alcohol, and collapsing on the sofa to binge-watch TV. However, those activities rarely cure burnout and can make you feel worse.

Don’t reach for the chips and the remote. Instead, create a plan to exercise more, eat healthier foods, and get a good eight hours of sleep every night. After a few weeks or months of making changes in these areas, you will feel ready to take on the world.

Change your environment to foster self-care.

A change of scenery can do you a world of good, even if you’re still working 12-hour shifts seven days a week. Most employers will let you work remotely occasionally, especially if you seek inspiration. Others allow their workforce to work where they flourish daily, at home, in the office, or the UK.

Find a local coffee shop, museum, or park with WiFi. You can also consider working from a home office space, especially if you are willing to set strong boundaries between work time and family interactions.

Take advantage of the FMLA and other employment laws.

Known as the Family Medical and Leave Act, the FMLA is a federal law that guarantees certain employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave each year without the threat of job loss. It’s often used for a major life event, such as the birth of a child or a significant illness of an employee or immediate family member. It is also used to provide for military leave.

However, severe burnout and mental stress can qualify as a reason to use FMLA protection. Talk with your HR department to identify whether you may be eligible for FMLA time off. See if you might qualify for short or long-term disability time off or to use any other employment law-governed time.

You can use your employer’s policies to apply for a leave of absence or a sabbatical. You can also use your employer’s employee assistance benefits program to seek counseling or speak privately with a mental health professional or therapist.

Burnout is serious—and must be taken seriously—as its effects on mental, emotional, and physical health shouldn’t be underestimated. You need to understand how grave and widespread the problem of the factors that contribute to burnout is. As an employee, do whatever you can to relax and recharge and find a way to maintain a good work/life balance.

As an employer, create empathetic policies and practices that contribute to the well-being of your employees. Recognize each person's significance and assist them in making empathetic self-care a priority.

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ValuesCrafting Compass: Curated Resources for Value-Driven People

• Leaders can develop unique leadership styles, including models that prioritize empathy. Remember, empathy is not a weakness. Harnessed effectively, it is a powerful leadership tool. Practicing empathy can lead to greater authenticity, improved relationships, and better workplace outcomes. See “Leading With Heart: The Power of Empathy in Leadership” at Life Science Leader.

• Want to assess your empathy? Greater Good Magazine offers an “Empathy Quiz,” among many others, that examines your empathy in two dimensions. See how empathetic you are and get tips for increasing your empathy.

• Empathy is not a weakness but something of a workplace superpower; these authors found this when assessing the available research. Learn more from “How to Sustain Your Empathy in Difficult Times” in the Harvard Business Review.

• Do you want to raise empathetic children? You can emphasize the actions and types of reflection that help children become empathetic. Greater Good Magazine suggests “Seven Ways to Foster Empathy in Kids.”

• TED Talks provide information about empathy, vulnerability, compassion, and being human. For example, watch “How to bring empathy and authenticity to your life.”

• More About Values From ValuesCrafting.com. See the growing list of articles on this site.

• See the resources available on SusanHeathfield.com.

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